The Adventures of Funkyman

FAIL REPORT

2012-01-24T11:26:00.002-05:00

Hello Funkstars,

I have been spending the last three years engrossed in online media - news websites, blogposts, independent YouTube channels - that span the range of liberal to conservative, atheist to fundamentalist religious, and the random stories that are covered in the news. The internet is amazing in this way - we have more access to more information than we ever have in the past AND the ability to communicate with absolute strangers as well as reconnect with old friends. Pretty amazing.

That being said, I see a lot of intelligent writing and a lot of beautiful stories out there. However, as you know I also see a LOT of FAIL. Here is my list of the biggest recent FAILS in the news.

FAIL #1: Schettino & the Costa Concordia
Death tolls reached 16 yesterday in the cruise ship now infamous around the world, captained by the name now SYNONOMOUS with FAILURE - Schettino. What does that feel like? I mean, everyone makes mistakes, right? Well, some mistakes are worse than others.

When you are the captain of a vessel that has 4,000 people onboard, you are held to a different standard - a higher standard. Are we being too hard on this man? Well, we'll find out when all of the facts are settled, but from this viewpoint, it's looking pretty bad. Failure, Schettino is thy name.

FAIL #2: Boston Bruin Tim Thomas & the White House Refusal
So it is tradition that the office of the President honor the winner of the Stanley Cup by inviting them to the White House and greeting them in person. Dear Tim, your statement about your reasons for not going to Washington are hypocritical. You said you oppose "out of control" growth of the federal government that threatened "the rights, liberties, and property of the people."

"This is being done at the Executive, Legislative, and Judicial level. This is in direct opposition to the Constitution and the Founding Fathers vision for the federal government," the statement said. "Because I believe this, today I exercised my right as a Free Citizen, and did not visit the White House. This was not about politics or party, as in my opinion both parties are responsible for the situation we are in as a country. This was about a choice I had to make as an INDIVIDUAL."

So . . . it's not about politics but you blame both parties? You mention rights, liberties, the Constitution and the Founding Fathers. That sounds pretty political to me. And what does the role of the government in our plight as a country have to do with being honored for your achievement by the office of the President? Tim, you're right that it shouldn't be about politics or party - it's about honor and team - two things you seemed to ignore. You say you had to make this choice as an INDIVIDUAL. But you didn't win the Stanley Cup as an individual. You are a team.

It's not about you.

FAIL #3: The Republican Party
I'm not trying to show bias toward any political party, believe me. However, the Democrats already have their candidate chosen and therefore, the Republicans have been center stage for half a year now. Quite simply, this is the most ridiculous cast of characters the world has seen from a party that clearly doesn't know what it wants. Front-runner Michele Bachmann, no front-runner Rick Perry, sorry no, Herman Cain is leading, wait Newt Gingrich, huh?, but Romney is the inevitable candidate, but wait Santorum wins Iowa, Newt's coming back and . . . I could write 10 blogs about Herman Cain alone and don't get me started on that Rick Perry "I'm a Christian" video. They all agree on one thing - "Anyone but Obama." However, they are so busy tearing each other down, that by the time their primary is decided, it's quite possible, there won't be much left to salvage. They need to get their act together and help give Americans something to think about and choose from, or the choice will be painfully simple.

FAIL #4: The South
It seems that my home state of Tennessee is the epi-center of the end of the world. I don't have time to go into the details of the decades of racial tension that has created the current circus that is Southern politics, but go and Google "Memphis School Consolidation" or "Teen Pregnancy Epidemic" or the recent attempt from the Tea Party to erase Slavery from the history of our Founding Fathers, or the Georgia teacher who assigned math homework with slavery questions, or the Texas social studies rewriting . . . etc. etc. etc.

But wait, hurry up and look up these stories on Google or Wikipedia while they're still running because . . .

FAIL #5: SOPA or PIPA
Simply put, all of the great news and stories I've been able to read would become subject to censorship and outright obliteration were these bills to be passed in Congress and Senate, respectively. As you've already seen, news and history is left to the mercy of a fallible human being. But if that human being's failure happens to be acting on prejudice, we end up failing history and therfore dooming ourselves to repeat it. Attempting to stop people from trying to share or "steal" materials is a no win for all of us. Want to stop online piracy with a bill? You may as well shut off the internet altogether. There's got to be a better way. Next thing you know, there will no longer be an Adventures of

- Funkyman

A Year in Hip-Hop

2012-01-11T20:36:00.008-05:00

Hello Funkatricians, long post ahead. If you want to learn more about Hip-Hop, keep reading. Otherwise, see you next week!

Happy Funk Year! Happy New Funk! Funky New Year!

You: That's a lot of funk.

Me: Indeed.

Because today's topic is NOT my adventures with my own concerts and music, but rather the concerts I attended in 2011. People often ask me,

"Funkyman, what kind of music do you LISTEN to?"

I've always despised that question, because I, like you, listen to many kinds of music. In fact, I wrote a 7-part series of blogs about this a few years ago entitled "A New Era" that spanned all of my musical tastes (December 2007 - April 2008). Click here for a sample.

Often, I'm the one on stage. I perform several styles of music in a year - gospel, musical theater, hip-hop, pop, classical, jazz, etc. Because I'm a musician, I know a lot of musicians as well. In 2011, most of the concerts I attended were because of friends, colleagues, or family I knew that were participating or performing. But then I suddenly realized that the only kind of concert I attended where I didn't know the artist personally is:

Hip-Hop

Does that mean that in my free time I favor one kind of music? Not really. Let me break it down (Get it? Hip-Hop? "Break it down?" Fine! Anyway . . .)

A) Though I did when I was younger, today I don't like paying ridiculous amounts of money to see a live event - Hip Hop or otherwise. This means I rarely go to large venues for commercial music artists. (Sorry Lil' Wayne. Actually, I'm not.)

B) Since I prefer smaller venues, one of things I try to avoid is mosh pits. In college, I went to a lot of clubs to hear bands and was disenchanted with the number of drunk teenagers slamming against me in an effort to start moshing. I know people still don't do it that much, but I was pretty done after that.

C) I have seen several rock acts in large venues and small clubs, but not a lot of Hip-Hop. I'm trying to catch up.

D) Honestly, the Hip-Hop culture of the mid 90's was a little dark and intense for me. I loved the music, but was not interested in seeing it live.

E) In the year 2000, after become weary of commercial rap, I began desperately searching for underground Hip-Hop artists, and I found them. I fell in love with music that most people either don't know about or don't care to because they do not fit the commercial format - especially groups that championed old-school rap.

When I wrote about Hip-Hop years ago, I covered a little about what's right and wrong about the genre. Click here if you missed it.

But, enough of my yakking. Here is a list of the concerts I saw this year right here in good old Boston, and links to video clips so you can get a taste.

LYRICS BORN
Lyrics Born is a Japanese-American rapper out of California and ever since I discovered his music back in 2003, I've been a loyal fan. Lucky for me, he came through Boston in February of 2011 and DESTROYED Brighton Music Hall. I got to meet him too, which was a plus. I also met two local opening acts - Dee Tension - a legend in the Boston music scene and a DJ at WFNX, and MC Kabir - a prolific hip-hop artist who like me, is a teacher by day. Here is a sample of Lyrics Born music, but there is WAY more than this, of course. This is a satire of the rap industry.

It was a great concert, though I was discouraged by the poor turnout from the crowd - only about a 100 or so. It had been a while since I had been to a concert, so I thought maybe that's just how crowds are with hip-hop. Oh, how wrong I was.

ATMOSPHERE
In April, I went to see Atmosphere at the House of Blues and it was jam-packed with people - over a 1,000. This picture is actually from that evening.

I'm in that crowd, believe it or not. I wrote a bit about the experience. Click here if you missed it.

The opening acts were Sab the Artist, Grieves & Budo, and Blueprint - all from Minnesota, and all very talented. Sab had the least effective set and recited a few songs about how much he loved to drink. Grieves & Budo were electrifying - Grieves is the rapper and had great command over the crowd and Budo is a multi-talented instrumentalist, acting as trumpet player, keyboard player, and DJ all in one. Very impressive. Blueprint had a very short but very powerful set, and he is a profound artist worth paying attention to. I've been a fan of his for almost 10 years, ever since I heard him guest on an Aesop Rock song. (Aesop Rock is in my top ten list of most impressive MC's ever.) Check out one of his videos here. If you watch ANY clip on this blog, watch this one. Profanity aside, this message is why I began to stop listening to the radio and start supporting independent artists.

But of course, the main event was Atmosphere, featuring the rapper who goes by the name of Slug. They are a legendary group (meaning they've been around for a LONG time) and they have created their own music label and fan following. They are the blueprint for how to do music correctly, without getting eaten up and sold out by the industry. They stand out in a unfortunate category known as "white rappers," of which Eminem is often considered the king. However, all rappers, regardless of color, have their own style and their own perspective. Slug is a king in his own right.

I first discovered Slug after becoming a huge fan of one of his collaborators, Eyedea. In 2000, I discovered Eyedea on HBO (when HBO used to feature unknown artists). Eyedea is quite simply the greatest freestyle rapper I've ever heard - meaning he creates his verses in real time with no rehearsal. In this picture of me with Slug, you will see his name on my shirt.

I only lament never being able to see Eyedea perform live because late in 2010, he passed away at the very young age of 28. If you want to see a little bit of what made him a genius, watch this - and remember, he's making this stuff up off the top of his head.

TALIB KWELI
Later in April, I saw another one of my favorite rappers, Talib Kweli and got to meet him as well. (He signed my Funkyman CD! Gush!)

Talib Kweli hit the scene in the late 90's with Mos Def in a project called BlackStar - an album which every hip-hop fan either has or wishes they did. They stood out as young East Coast (Brooklyn!) rappers with a strong consciousness message and absolutely fresh voices and abilities. Mos Def went on to make one of the greatest records of all time - Hip-Hop or otherwise, called Black on Both Sides. Talib was also quite prolific with his future projects, though never reached the iconic status that Mos did. However, his skills never faded. His latest album, Gutter Rainbows, is one of his best. Here is a clip:

The concert was at the Paradise, and a good friend turned out to be Talib's bass player (Brian!) Talib was on point in his control of the mic and he brought along Jean Grae - an amazing talent you should check out. She is one of the only female rappers that I respect for lyrical depth and ability. (Sorry, Nicky Minaj. Actually, I'm not). The opening act for Talib Kweli was a guy also from Brooklyn called Fred the Godson. He's up and coming but his set was unbalanced and felt out of place given the amount of profanity he spit out in a short amount of time. He did have a funny moment where they staged him having a heart-attack on stage because he's overweight, and then they broke into a song called "I'm Too Fat." It made me simultaneously smile and frown remembering the faded glory of the Fat Boys - great talent, but short lives due to their health. I pause to be grateful for my health.

Amen.

PEOPLE UNDER THE STAIRS
In June, I caught a group I didn't think I would get to see live. Another underground rap success story from California, the PUTS also played the Paradise. They are champions of old-school rap - nothing too serious, just good music to have a good time. If you're looking for that, give them a listen. Here's a clip:

Opening act was Los Wunder Twins Del Rap, featuring Dee Tension again. My favorite part of their set was a cover of "Beats to the Rhyme" - one of my favorite Run DMC songs.

MOS DEF
In December, as luck would have it, the other half of BlackStar came to Boston to play the Wilbur Theater. A rare treat for Hip-Hop fans - Mos Def in concert. Mos Def had such success with his first solo album, he became a cultural icon. He was featured in Hollywood movies, Broadway plays, HBO specials, etc. However, like many artists, creatively, he peaked too soon, and while no one can ever take away his genius and talent, nothing he's done since that first album has lived up to its impact. Therefore, most people that night were expecting him to roll out several songs from that well received project.

We were wrong.

Mos goes by the name Yasiin Bey now, and wants to put that era of his career behind him. He did do a couple of the older songs, but he left the audience scratching their head with a very long wait and a very short concert. Fortunately for this Hip-Hop fan, there were two stellar opening acts from Boston - a rapper called Moe Pope and a band called Bad Rabbits. Mos Def clips are easy to come by, but check out Bad Rabbits & Moe Pope together on this track:

THE ROOTS
The day after Christmas, the legendary Roots crew took the stage at the House of Blues and restored my faith in Hip-Hop, Music, America, and Mankind. There is simply no one like them and they have been around a long time - pioneers of this crazy idea called live music in Hip-Hop. I could dedicate a blog to them alone. How many rap groups have a sousaphone? A human scratch man? Have been featured on Yo Gabba Gabba? You may have seen the Roots on TV because they are also the studio band for Jimmy Fallon's show on NBC. However, here is a clip of them 17 YEARS AGO - they were killing it then, and they're even better now.

That's real Hip-Hop.

And that's the way it was for 2011. I hope if you stuck with this post this long, you find some time to kick back and listen to some of these artists. And if you become fans or even better get to meet any of them in the future, you can tell them you were introduced to their music by

- Funkyman

Freedom FROM Religion?

2011-12-19T16:52:00.003-05:00

PITMAN, N.J. (AP) A national group is asking officials in the southern New Jersey town of Pitman to take down a banner that says, "Keep Christ in Christmas."

The Freedom From Religion Foundation says the banner violates the Constitution because it was put up by members of the local fire department and hangs from two town-owned light posts over a county-owned road. Officials say a similar banner has hung over the town about a dozen miles south of Philadelphia for the past 50 years.

Co-president of the FFRF Annie Laurie Gaylor said, according to NJ.com, the banner offends "non-believers, Jews, Wiccans and Americans of any religion."

I'll pause here.

Hello Funketeers,

Today, I would like to direct my thoughts and attention to an organization known as the Freedom From Religion Foundation.

Dear madams and sirs,

I found this news story one morning while enjoying my breakfast and perusing online news stories. It is no surprise to me that every year there are battles being waged over the separation of church and state and how Christmas is a lightning rod for that debate. We have heard of the alleged "War on Christmas," where schools, businesses, and non-religious groups are increasingly intolerant of expressions of any celebration of the religious OR secular practices of Christmas. After reading this story, I visited your website to find out more info about what you believe. The bottom line of my message to you is:

Choose your battles.

There is a time and a place for protest. America was founded on protest. However, I am not here today to speak against protest or your American right to promote the value of the ideal of separation of church and state. I'm here to argue for the value of tolerance.

The dictionary definition of "Tolerance" is - a fair, objective, and permissive attitude toward those whose opinions, practices, race, religion, nationality, etc., differ from one's own. Yes, tolerance - not only on private property (where most people with your views believe should be the only place religious expression should exist), but in the public square as well.

I continually hear the argument that a prayer or invocation before a graduation is a governmental endorsement of a particular religion. However, I have seen several invocations given by rabbis, imams, buddhist monks, secular/humanist poets, as well as ministers and priests. I would dare argue that the existence of invocations is NOT an endorsement of the ideas or religion of the speaker - it's an endorsement for INVOCATIONS.

An invocation is the act or process of petitioning for help or support or a calling upon for authority or justification. When people gather for meetings of any kind, especially where decisions are being made or a rite of passage occurs, it makes sense that some groups would choose to open with this procedure. However, if they choose not to, that's their prerogative.

If you disagree with a group having an invocation, you have every right to protest. However, if that group feels strongly it should have one - whether they choose to acknowledge a higher power or simply RESPECT the faiths of those who believe in a higher power, that's where tolerance begins. It's not about you.

You see, this is not just a constitutional issue. We Americans have a problem with public displays of faith - especially Christian.

Simply say the words "Tim Tebow" and we already know that when someone expresses their faith in public, it rubs people the wrong way. Everyone is scratching their head trying to figure out why it bugs them so much.

Is it because Christianity is the majority religion in America, making it easier to impose on everyone else? Certainly.
Is it because Christianity is viewed as a superior doctrine, which makes people of other faiths and non-religious people feel intimidated and subordinate? Of course.
Is it because the Christian Church has an ugly history of oppression, violence, and corruption? Absolutely.
Is it because people identify Christians as always proselytizing - trying to convert everyone? You betcha.

Christianity actually is WAY more than the sum of these strikes, and it's enduring legacy is because of the true heart of the faith and what it means to mankind. But regardless of how we feel, Tim Tebow has both an American right to say he loves Jesus Christ and a golden opportunity to use national and world-wide media to express it. We might hate it, but he's not wrong. We have to tolerate it.

Enter Pitman, New Jersey.

A banner hangs on a street that says "Keep Christ in Christmas" and the FFRF has gone on record as saying this is offensive to "non-believers, Jews, Wiccans, and Americans of any religion."

Would you like to rethink your answer?

I mean, leave the Jews and Wiccans out because you already covered them in the following group. And after Americans of any religion and non-believers, who exactly is left? Therefore, you're basically saying this banner is offensive to EVERYONE? Really? A banner that has been hung in the same town for 50 years? I guess the owners of that banner are just like "Hey let's offend everyone again this year and hang it up anyway!" Is that what they're doing? Of course not.

If the idea of seeing the word "Christ or Christmas" during the holidays is offensive to you - whether in the public square or not, I would dare say this is not an issue of separation of church and state, but of tolerance. If one were being "fair, objective, and permissive" - one would understand that it's Christmas-time, and people celebrate Christmas. This is not a stretch. If for any reason you don't share in that celebration, certainly you should tolerate it. You protest because one side of the street it hangs on is not private property and that it's in clear view of anyone on the street? Come on guys. It's not a government endorsement of Christianity. It's a government recognition of the freedom of expression. Before you jump in and respond, here are a couple more thoughts, and I'll close.

About 25% of Americans are either non-Christian or non-religious altogether. I agree that just because the majority of Americans are Christians, we should not be allowed to dominate the nation's discourse with our faith. However, rather than spending your energies fighting something as harmless as this banner in New Jersey, think about this:

VEGANS
About 1% of Americans are vegetarian or vegan. Most vegans consider their choice to refrain from meat and dairy products as more than about health. It's a doctrine. However, they are bound by tolerance to live in a world surrounded by a meat and dairy-glorifying culture. They have to shop in stores and markets where there are butchers, eat in restaurants where people are ordering steaks medium rare, and have to consistently hear and watch advertisements, movies, television shows, books, etc. where people with the COMPLETE OPPOSITE DOCTRINE revel in their status of the majority group of carnivores. Certainly several of them are disgusted, offended, and made to feel uncomfortable by these displays of meat-eating. Is that fair? Nope. But they tolerate it.

Should we amend the Constitution and put in the Vegan Amendment?:

"Congress shall make no law concerning the establishment or promotion of animal consumption."

No? You know why that's not in the Constitution? You guessed it. But that's about how silly protesting this banner is.

POLITICS
Roughly 70% of Americans affiliate with a certain political party, each half (35%) having COMPLETELY OPPOSITE views on the world as another party. Yet, when the majority of that party holds seats in the government, the other side has no choice but to tolerate it, even though they may be protesting in the meantime.
What we do NOT do is say it's UNCONSTITUTIONAL for them to express their views or make laws based on them.

And as I said earlier, protest is important. Atheists should demand respect for their viewpoints. But just like us religious people have to be embarassed by the actions of members of our faiths, so should you. If you continue to fight against banners and nativity scenes simply because they are in clear sight of everyone, Christian or not, I believe you are doing a disservice to your organization, which stands on a very real and important ideal.

By the way, the concept of separation of church and state is NOT Freedom FROM Religion, no matter how you spin it. The First Amendment is for non-religious people too, but just as Buddhists must tolerate Christians and vice-versa, you have to tolerate us. I mean . . . we tolerate you. :-) There is no line in any official American document or letter from a prominent Founding Father that states Americans have the RIGHT to freedom from religion. The stance of "what about my right to NOT hear about anyone's God?" is not rational or logical. You are free to be atheist or non-religious, but to imagine you could live in a world free from public displays of faith . . . Where does it end? With this viewpoint, one could argue that simply having to SEE a church on the corner could be offensive to someone who doesn't practice that religion. Isn't that a little nuts? I thought you would agree.

So please continue your efforts in arenas where separation of church and state matter - at the federal, state, and local level with issues where real financial, social, and constitutional problems exist. Not because someone wrote you a letter saying they felt uncomfortable because they saw the word "Christ" and "Christmas" in the same sentence downtown while they were shopping.

Respectfully,

- Funkyman

P.S. - Merry Christmas!

Vows

2011-12-06T11:27:00.007-05:00

Hello Funkachusetts,

"I Take You To Be My Wedded"
On Thursday, December 1, 2011, my younger brother Anthony got married. A - MAZING

You: Funkyman, why is that so amazing? Is your brother a bad catch?

Funkyman: Not at all. He's a great guy.

You: Then what gives?

Funkyman: Well, I'm glad you asked.

"To Have and To Hold, From This Day Forward"
It's amazing because the woman he married has been with him for 15 years, perfectly happy, and the entire world had given up on the idea of them getting married because it wasn't important to them. In our minds and in every practical definition of the word, they were married. You see, in the end, their happiness was all that ever mattered to our family. Of course we are rejoicing for them that they took this step, but in truth, we all would have died happy if they never did - as long as it was what they wanted. Their marriage - correction, their relationship - was never about us.

And this event reminded me that no one's marriage is about me, except my own. I have strayed away from the topic of gay marriage on this blog for a very long time, but it's on my heart and the wait is over. So buckle up.

"For Better or For Worse"
The institution of marriage is sacred to me. This is largely due to the fact that my parents divorced when I was a teenager, and though I knew it was what was best for everyone, I vowed never to let that happen to me - divorce that is. Of course, the best solution to never getting a divorce is never getting married. Then I met my wife . . .

It was difficult for me to think about spending the rest of my life with my best friend with the fear of a possible divorce hanging over our heads. At least it was difficult until I had the revelation:

I am not my father. Fadie is not my mother. Our relationship is not their relationship. Our paths our different. Our marriage will be different - for better or for worse. In truth, I cannot guarantee what will happen tomorrow. However, I can choose (if I'm blessed to wake up this morning) to devote myself to my God and my wife so that I will honor them both.

"For Richer, For Poorer"
A lot of the controversy surrounding gay marriage is centered on the definition of marriage. There are those that believe adding monogamous homosexual relationships into the patchwork of marriage will injure the very idea of marriage itself. The common point made by advocates of gay marriage is 'what does two people of the same sex getting married have ANYTHING to do with your marriage?' I myself had come to define marriage as a holy institution - a relationship between two people that involves a third party - God. I still view my marriage that way. Not everyone shares that opinion/view - and guess what my response is? Who cares what you think? It's my marriage. What does my marriage have ANYTHING to do with your marriage? If the point works both ways, it's a good point.

I will not go into the obvious points of how we heterosexuals have already done an excellent job of injuring the idea of marriage. But regardless of how you feel personally about hetero or homosexual relationships, someone out there right now is falling in love with another person, and it's beyond our control. And control seems to be so desperately what society is trying to hold onto.

I've known people who view marriage as an arrangement. It makes a lot of financial sense to be married if you live with someone. However, those same people are in love-less, life-less relationships and have opted for comfort and stability versus intimacy. I also know people who wait to get married until "we get on our feet financially" - waiting until that right job, right house, right portfolio is set up. Well, to each his/her own, but that's not why I got married. Once I realized that I wanted to die trying to make my relationship flourish with my girlfriend, I couldn't WAIT to be married - money or not. My life was not going to begin until that day arrived.

"In Sickness and In Health"
After divorce, sometimes people consider getting re-married because of fear. Fear that they won't have someone to take care of them when they get sick and/or grow old. I know personally those who got married for this reason alone. I think that's unfortunate, but is that a crime? Not in America.

In America, as long as you're a man and she's a woman, you have the right to get married for whatever purpose you see fit. Because the government has concluded that they cannot judge an individual couple's motives for getting married, just so long as they register and follow the rules.

Now remember, this goes completely against my earlier definition of what I think marriage is. Shouldn't I be protesting the government for allowing this "travesty" to occur? Should I be running for office so I can change the laws and instill my "correct" definition of marriage?

No? You're right. Because if MY definition of marriage were truly instituted - a relationship between two people devoted and committed to a God-centric union - MOST people - hetero or homosexual - would NOT be allowed to marry! Most HETEROSEXUAL couples would have to register as civil unions and I would reserve the title of "married" for the select few who fit the "holy" requirements. How do ya like 'dem apples?

. . . but, no, that's not what I'm going to do, because I cannot judge anyone else's motives for marriage or with who and how they fall in love.

"To Love and To Cherish"
My brother's wife is now legally a member of our family. But my brother's wife was ALREADY a member of my family many years ago the moment they decided to commit themselves to each other and love one another. I cannot express to you the joy in my heart the day he told me he had found someone special in his life. I cannot express it because I already knew how big a deal that was to me when I fell in love with my wife. It's not LIKE winning the lottery. It's better. And if you've been blessed enough to meet someone like that in your life, then I'm happy for you too.

You: Funkyman, aren't you a Christian?

Yes, and by Christian standards, my brother and his wife were "living in sin" for almost 15 years. In fact, I expected his phone call last week to be about how they finally were expecting a child. And if they were pregnant and had a child out of wed-lock, do you know what I would call that child? My family. The status of their sex life does not define their relationship to me.

My Christian brothers and sisters quote the Bible passages relating to sexual behavior - which is the only way homosexuality is referenced in the Bible. We get so caught up in thinking of relationships and marriage as sexual. But sex does not define your relationship or your marriage. When you truly fall in love and reveal your heart and trust with someone - that's not sex. When you hug someone and hold them and tell them "It's going to be OK" - that's not sex. When you nurse your best friend back to health, see them through the hard times, go to events together, laugh, live, love, play and celebrate life together - that's not sex. That's love. And whether Christians are ready to accept it or not, homosexual relationships - especially ones that seek marriage as a life-choice - are founded on love, not sex.

I've found that in my life, and my family and friends are happy for me. When my friends and family find that, I'm happy for them. And even if you haven't found that special person in your life yet, it is my prayer for you to be happy and to be well. My personal relationship with God has nothing to do with how you will experience pain and loss in your life. I won't let it get in the way of your pursuit of happiness either. Whether or not you believe what I believe, I am praying for you. :-)

So I ask you, my friend . . . Are you happy? Are you well?

That's all that I care about. That's all that matters.

"'Til Death Do Us Part."

Hopefully, we'll be together after that too. Amen.

- Funkyman

Mouse Double Clique

2011-11-29T11:21:00.003-05:00

'Twas the night before Christmas,
And all through the house,
Not a creature was stirring,
Not even a mouse.

Which then begs the question
So often I quote,
"Why in God's name is there a rodent
In this poem of note?"

You see I have little fears
Of things in this life,
But a creature running through my den
Completely scares my wife

And to be completely honest,
With this fear I agree.
If I see a mouse in my house,
It is World. War. Three.

- Funky-Kringle

Hello Funkalores,

That's right. It's holiday time, and mice are on my mind. I have been hearing stories recently from friends who have had not one or two, but actual invasions of rodents in their homes, and the stories are not all pretty. Let's lay some ground rules:

- Yes, I understand that mice are living creatures, created by God for us to have dominion over and to protect.
- Yes, I understand that mice can be more scared of us than we are of them.
- Yes, I understand that the methods of disposing of mice can be cruel and unusual.

OK? OK.

Now, that we have that out of the way I want everyone to know that I do not have a problem with mice.

I HAVE A PROBLEM WITH MICE IN MY HOUSE!!!!!

You know how when you're walking outside and you see an ant hill and hundreds of ants going back and forth carrying food and building materials? You're like "Wow - look at nature! So cool!" Nobody bothers them, you watch in amazement, and then you go about your day.

Let's say that same procession of ants is in your bathroom . . . on the way there from the living room . . . . somehow from beneath your couch . . . where you discover after moving it . . . there is an old Wheat Thin on the floor that has attracted the horde of insects into your living space. It's not so cool then is it? That's when nature stops and RAID-APALOOZA 2011 begins.

You: "Well Funkyman, ants are supposed to live outside. Mice are domestic creatures that enjoy the comforts of shelter and warmth."

Funkyman: "Oh, OK. I think there's a house down the street they would love."

You: "That house probably already has mice. Your house . . ."

Funkyman: "Not my house."

You: "But you're being silly, you just need . . . "

Funkyman: "Not my house."

You: "No let me finish. What I'm trying to say . . . "

Funkyman: "Do you hear me? NO MI CASA!!!!!"

You: " . . . you're crazy."

Funkyman: "CRAZY LIKE A FOX!!!"

I know it's holiday time, and we watch these cute little movies with families dwelling in harmony with the little mouse hole in the wall, and then we go inside the hole and see the mouse family, and oooh they're so cute. Hey they're people too and they have feelings and

STOPPPPP!!!!!

REALITY CHECK! Check the FACTS!

- Mice are nocturnal
- As soon as they think you're not around, they don't stay in the walls - they run around your ENTIRE HOUSE - your beds, your clothes, your desk, your kitchen appliances, your pantry, etc.
- They can live for a long time on almost nothing
- THERE'S NEVER JUST ONE
- Some mice are NOT afraid, and want dominion over YOUR space
- Mickey Mouse is NOT REAL - sorry Aimée.

I know that everyone has a mouse horror story. Here are some of mine for your reading (dis)pleasure.

FLUFF
OK, this one isn't mine. A friend told me once of a jar of marshmallow Fluff she used to keep in her desk drawer. One day, she opened the drawer, unscrewed the jar of Fluff, and was face to face with a dead mouse staring up at her - eyes wide open - in shock. It seems the mouse got into the desk drawer, gnawed its way into the bottom of the plastic jar, and began to eat the fluff, crawling insde and getting trapped in the sticky goodness. My friend never ate Fluff again. How about you?

ZOMBIE MOUSE
My very first experience with mice in my living space was when I lived in a studio apartment in Jamaica Plain. Surrounding the perimeter of the room was the heating system - a perfect covering for any creature who wanted to run around the apartment unseen by occupied eyes. I had several mice running around the room, into the room, in the trash - one day a mouse leapt out of my trash when it heard I was approaching the kitchen - it had to stop.

Since I was inexperienced as to how to deal with them, I went and bought the traditional mouse trap - cheap, wooden, and grotesquely efficient - or so I thought . . .

I set the traps around the room under the heating vent, and one day I came home to find one of the traps had been flipped over. Now here comes the hard part - getting on my knees and picking up this trap with a dead mouse. As I bent down and reached for the trap, suddenly

THE TRAP JUMPED AWAY FROM ME. THE MOUSE WAS NOT DEAD - still fighting for its life. This completely freaked me out, and I have not enjoyed using those kind of traps since. Poor fella.

DOUBLE-CLICK YOUR MOUSE
One night, I was doing some work in the basement of a church, sitting in the office at a computer. A mouse ran across the top of my computer. Insert scream here.

SURPRISE SHOWER
One night, my wife prepared to step into the shower, but before she turned on the water, she noticed small black droppings in the tub. Yes, it was mouse droppings. As she ran to tell me, I built up my courage to go investigate. Sure enough, there they were, and I thought to myself, "How did the mouse get in an out of the bathtub?"

No sooner did I think that then, I pulled back the shower curtain to discover, the mouse had NOT left the tub. It was trapped. Somehow, it scaled the shower curtain and fell into the tub, and now it couldn't get back out again.

You're probably wondering what I did. I contemplated back and forth about the benefits of seizing the upper hand and getting rid of him once and for all versus being humane and helping him get out. Of course, helping him meant catching him first, because there was NO WAY I was going to let him free into my house to scamper away just to bother me again. The mouse was leaping and scurrying like crazy trying to get out. My wife was crying, my daughter was terrified. What should I do? Hmmm . . . .

I will not terrorize you with the details, but to paraphrase the movie Die Hard, let's just say that mouse will not be bothering us for the rest of his life. Honestly, it took me weeks to get over it, and I still have bad thoughts of that night.

Am I a monster? Perhaps. I think mice ARE cute - in a cage, where I can be assured they'll stay. I'd even go so far to pet one if it were truly domesticated. But just like cats and dogs - you wouldn't let a wild cat live in your house (see The Hangover - LOL!), nor would you let a wild dog around your children. Why should I tolerate a wild mouse? Why can't they all be cute and cuddly like Mickey?

So peace, hope, love, and joy to you this holiday season. I'm praying for a mouse-free home for each and every one of you. And if you or anyone you know has an issue with mice - please seek professional advice, and do NOT call

- Funkyman

Power Links

2011-11-19T15:39:00.004-05:00

Hello Funkticulans,

Last night was the Fall concert for the Third Day Gospel Choir at Tufts University. The concert was themed "The Power of the Third Day." And powerful it was. So since you were all there, I don't need to . . . what? What's that you say? You were NOT there? Oh, I see. No problem. Here is what you missed - with links to the original versions of the songs!

"Worship Him" - Based on an old gathering song for the church - "We have come into this house, gathered in His name to worship Him" - I had the choir enter the audtorium singing this anthem in the traditional style and then we broke into the funkier version, arranged by yours funkly. Great power, great singing and great vibe. Great way to kickoff the concert. No links for this one - working on it.

"We Lift Up Your Name" - A Fred Hammond song off of the album "Praise in the House" that was heavily covered when it came out in the late nineties. A high-energy, infectious song. If you've never heard it before, click here.

"There's a Lifting of the Hands" - An Israel Houghton song off of the album "New Season" in 2001. Not the most popular song from the album, but a perfect song for choirs - which are hard to find these days. If you've never heard it, click here.

"Stir Up the Gift" - A Colorado Mass Choir Song from 1998. Another high energy (you see a pattern here yet?) fun song to sing that I have often used to get the audience involved. The audience at the concert did a fabulous job. Big shout out to all of the Third Day alums in the front row! With them singing with us, we had a good 500 people singing at once. Good times. If you've never heard . . . oh you know what to do.

"Well Done" - A Funkyman original led by Shaunielle McDonald - our guest soloist. What can I say? She brought the house down. Well done! Get it? OK, call the obvious joke police. I'm guilty.

"Praise Him" - Another Funkyman original that is the one of the most performed songs I've ever written. I composed it in 1998 with the idea that I wanted a sure-fire way of getting an audience involved in the a song/concert. It has a LOT of words and takes a while to learn, but it works like a charm. So proud of the choir nailing it last night. Well Done! Praise Him! Ha ha ha. "Officer? . . . yes C-O-L-E-M-A-N. No I did not realize how fast my bad jokes were going. I'll slow down."

"I Speak Life" - A Donald Lawrence song led by Elyse Galloway. Another powerful message song from the album by the same name. Elyse did a great job and the choir delivered the message well. Remember - speaking life doesn't cause it to happen. It encourages the listener to live. Speaking encouragement is the one of the most effective ways to make a difference. For anyone who's never heard this powerful song, click here.

"I Am the Resurrection" - The world premiere of Funkyman's latest song went splendidly. A rock-infused anthem that spoke to the theme of our concert very well. Even though we had a false start, we resurrected the opening of the song well. "OK, officer, that was not a joke as much as a pun-styled reference. There is a HUGE difference. What? What do you mean 'come with you downtown'? I've done nothing wrong. Get your hands off of me. Hey! I'm an American citi . . . I have rights! Occupy Funk! WE ARE THE 0.00099%!!!!!"

"You Are" - Originally performed by Darlene Zschech and Ron Kenoly, Kristen Ford put her own touch on a song widely regarded as Contemporary Christian and not Gospel. I spiced up the chords and arranged the choir differently and voila - a gospel song. Very nice job, everyone.

"I'll Never Stop Praising the Lord" - Originally written by O'landa Draper (from my hometown of Memphis!) and led by Shirley Caesar, Shaunielle McDonald returned to the stage and took us home with this one. High energy song that works every time. If you ever wanted to see a man and a choir who inspired me to be a gospel choir director, click here. You will not be sorry.

And that was the Fall Concert at Tufts for 2011. Also, big shout out to Amy Bean and the other students who performed sign language for our concert! I always leave someone out of the thanks at the end, and nobody caught it. So sorry. I love what you do!

I have done a Fall Concert with a college choir 17 times now. It is a great way of finding encouragement and inspiration in a dark time of the year. All across the country, other universities and schools are participating or preparing for their own Fall gospel celebrations. You don't have to look too hard here in Boston - MIT, Boston College, Boston University, Northeastern, Berklee, Harvard - all have student gospel ensembles ready to celebrate victory through song. Check them out! It's not too late.

Now, could someone please come downtown and bail out

- Funkyman

Trick or Treat?

2011-10-31T03:08:00.006-04:00

Hello Funk-or-Treaters,

It's Halloween today. I realized a couple of weeks ago that I have never written about this holiday, and probably for good reason. I try (somewhat unsuccessfully) to avoid topics that are too serious. However, since I will be spending my day thinking about it anyway . . .

I know that most of the world is content to just enjoy the fun parts of any holiday and say the origins and meaning of the holiday are completely secondary. I want you all to know that I agree with that sentiment - however, there are contradictions lying within that ideal.

Submitted for Your Approval . . .

Question: Would you celebrate a holiday whose roots were glorifying the genocide of a people - say, the Holocaust? No, me neither.

However, controversial as it is, we Americans do celebrate Columbus Day and the 4th of July, and before you go crazy, I understand the significance of the "civilization" of America, but many people believe that there was a perfectly fine civilization here before Europeans touched the shore. Some people have a problem with Thanksgiving for the same reasons. And while July 4 marks independence from England, it also marks the establishment of institutionalized slavery - which includes buying and selling Africans, rape, and yes, murder. This is why many people choose not to celebrate these American Historical milestones.

Me? - I'm enjoying my day off on Columbus, eating and spending time with family at Thanksgiving, and getting a kick out of fireworks on the 4th. Am I insensitive or better yet, desensitized to the above raised issues? Perhaps. However, it is my theory that just because you participate in an activity - you do NOT necessarily glorify or honor the history of how it was practiced in the past by other people. That is how I feel about Halloween and Christmas.

Walk with me for a moment, Christians:

Just because people go to church does NOT mean they are glorifying God. Just because people celebrate Christmas does NOT mean they are honoring the birth of Jesus. And just because people sing Christmas carols, does NOT mean they find favor with God.

If that's true, then why do we vilify Halloween as the ONE, SINGULAR holiday we refuse to take part because we believe that dressing up a child as a duck, a farmer, a cat, a spaceman, or even a witch, a demon, or a monster is GLORIFYING EVIL? That getting candy on October 31 is IDOL WORSHIP? Yes, I know of families that will not let their kids even go to SCHOOL on Halloween just so they will not be a part of the school-wide Halloween Assembly. The reason? Devil worship.

Pause.

You see, we love to do research SOMETIMES and look up the meaning of holidays, and we discover that Halloween is rooted in a Pagan Celtic ritual (Samhain) that promoted the belief in evil spirits and false gods. We tend to ignore the parts where the Christian church created its own holiday (All Saints Day) in an attempt to distract attention from the pagan one, and in the end only POPULARIZED and PROMOTED the very holiday it sought to destroy. Yes, we have the (American) church largely to thank for the popularity of Halloween. The history of the sacred vs. secular monstrosity know as Christmas is almost identical. Click here for more on that.

I do find it interesting that the same Christians that I know that are against this holiday are also AVID fans of horror movies. Yes, horror movies - the most gory, vile, demonic, disgusting stories and images imaginable. If Halloween is evil, then certainly these movies are as well. And what about the mafia? Yes, the same Christians that think Halloween is glorifying the devil are HUGE fans of shows like the Sopranos and movies like the Godfather and Scarface (OK, not a mafia movie, but you get my point!) And don't get me started on videogames . . .

But I digress. This is not about the hypocrisies found in people. God knows, I'm far from perfect. All I'm saying is, if you're going to make the leap of logic and think that I, a believer, am cursed for participating in any part of secular Halloween, then a non-believer MUST be blessed by participating in any part of secular Christmas. Sorry, that's just not part of our faith, nor does it make much sense.

- Dressing a baby as a ladybug.

- Giving Gummi-Savers to the neighborhood kids.

- Singing songs at school like "Things That Go Bump in the Night"

- Picking out a pumpkin, and decorating it.

These activities are fun and quite innocent, and done with the spirit of love and centered on family and community ACTUALLY go to honor and promote God, not the opposite. Hurting someone, wishing hurt on someone, saying mean things, thinking you're better than someone - these things are the enemy. You see, like the Church TRIED to do, I'm GOING to take the darkness out of Halloween for my daughter, and participate with sound judgment and care.

Now that I've said all of that, I want you to know that I HATE Halloween. Where I grew up, Halloween is a dark time of year - people use it as an excuse to vandalize property, hurt people, and try to ACTUALLY practice Satanic rituals. There is a dark side to this holiday that I have a difficult time forgetting. It certainly is not all good, and I had no intentions of making it a part of our annual traditions.

However, one day, my daughter, 4 years old at the time, came and told me of the school-wide Halloween assembly, and that she wanted to go dressed as a princess. I melted as anyone would seeing the excitement on her face.

She didn't want to do something evil - she wanted to play dress-up with her friends. Why wouldn't you let your kids do that? Because it's the 31st of October and that's dishonoring God?

I bought her a princess dress and tiara, and on the day of the assembly, all of the students marched into the gym in a parade. My daughter entered holding hands with two of her friends.

I. Have. Never. Seen. My. Daughter. Happier. Than. That. Moment.

She was glowing. I still have it on video, and I watch it often when I want a good cry! After the parade, the kids sang songs together like "Pick a Pumpkin" and "I'm a Little Goblin" (instead of "Teapot"). It quite simply is my favorite memory of my daughter.

As long as my daughter understands light from dark, I can sleep at night. The funny thing is that she scares very easily. She can't watch most movies, even Toy Story, because of the antagonist characters. Last year she went Trick-or-Treating and got scared out of her mind, but she's glad she had the experience. This year, she is way more excited to just stay home and be the one passing out the candy. She's got her cat outfit ready to go for today's Assembly. She's got a BUCKET full of Jolly Rancher Lollipops, Twizzlers, and Gummies to pass out this evening to the young and young-at-heart.

And she's got me, standing by her protecting and guiding her in all she does.

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I submit that we should NOT get caught up in the game of not participating in something because of the way SOME people choose to celebrate. I certainly celebrate Christmas my own way, and I cannot worry about the next man and whether or not they understand the TRUE meaning of the holiday - especially when there is no singular true meaning. Make the decisions on your own, weigh the good and the bad, and be true to what you believe.

Let's teach our children right from wrong, and as long as you're actively parenting them - let. them. be. kids. Childhood only lasts a few years. They've got a long life of battling to do when you won't be around so much.

OCCUPY YOUR CHILDREN

- Funkyman

P.S. - Here is a clip of the beginning of the Adventures of Funkyman LIVE! event back in April. Enjoy! More videos coming!

For the Parents

2011-10-26T01:05:00.005-04:00

Hello Funkistas,

This past weekend was Parents' Weekend at Dana Hall School, and this coming weekend will be Parents' Weekend at Tufts University. This Friday night, I will attend the 2nd Grade Parents' Dinner at my daughter's school, and last but not least . . . I need to call my mother.

Yes it's parent time in this part of the world: a time where parents want to see if all of this money they're spending (or receiving) is worth it. I have to say that I enjoy preparing for these weekends. The parents deserve it and nothing makes kids happier than seeing their parents be proud of them.

My daughter continually seeks my approval, which is very sweet because it means she needs me. The trick is, I need her approval too. I won't know what to do with myself if we lose that relationship.

I certainly have always looked for approval from my parents. So here is a quick list of the moments in my life when I THINK I made my parents proud.

BIRTH
Stop laughing. Seriously, my father was not able to see my older brother be born in the delivery room. 2 years later, he got the chance with me, and he told me that experience changed him and made him pursue his faith in a more meaningful way.

1ST GRADE
I skipped Kindergarten, because I was reading at an advanced level (3rd Grade). The truth is I was not taught to read. I was reading billboards in the car at age 3. Yes, I AM KYLE XY!!! No seriously, I have a hard time believing the stories myself.

HOMECOMING KING
In 6th Grade, (pictured above) I became Homecoming King of my school, grades K-8 because I raised the most money for the school (see - politics and money! Occupy Grade School!!!). My mother baked oatmeal cookies for me every day, and I sold them after school. I think I raised $800. That's a LOT of cookies in 1981.

TANGLEWOOD
I was admitted to the Boston University Tanglewood Institute in 1986 before my junior year of high school. My parents drove up from Memphis for the final piano recital, and I played Ginastera's Danzas Argentina (Wilkie!). The look on my parents' face was like saying "The lessons were worth it." I can't thank you enough Mom and Dad for how true that is.

FADIE
Meeting my wife and letting my parents know I had a partner for life - 'nough said.

BOSTON UNIVERSITY INNER STRENGTH GOSPEL CHOIR
The choir I directed the longest - 10 years. My father ritually flew up to Boston to be able to sit in the audience and relive that Tanglewood memory over and over again. He spent the money on the airfare and took the time so he could bask in the pride while I was just doing my job.

TUFTS UNIVERSITY
When I got my Master's Degree, my mother was the only one who attended my graduation - my wife was so sick that day. :( It was anti-climatic for me to walk in the ceremony, and I told my mother it was no big deal, but she wanted to go. Spending that time with her made me get into the experience. It was nice to have her there smiling for me.

AIMÉE
The greatest thing God has ever done through me.

Yeah, there's more I suppose, but you get the idea. I know you all have your lists of moments you received your parents' approval. Believe me that no matter what you think - your parents want your approval too. Simple late night wisdom from

- Funkyman

Here is a video of a Glee-style mash-up I arranged for Dana Hall's Parents' Weekend in 2009. Enjoy!

Fast Food Tales

2011-10-18T10:55:00.004-04:00

Hello Funkoisseurs,

Last week I recounted horrible tales at Friendly's. It got me thinking about all of the crazy experiences I've had in restaurants in my short 40 years of life - especially at fast food restaurants, where I know all of you have stories to tell as well. No binding theme to these stories, but some of them are worth sharing.

MCDONALD'S
Though I do not eat there anymore (trying to maintain this 130 lb. weight loss!), I, like millions of Americans, was raised with this being part of my eating life. I have seen a lot of funny things in McDonald's, but the best was one night when my friend Eddie and I were going through the drive-thru and ordered a burger and fries. When we got to the window, the woman handed us a bag with like 12 hamburgers, a 20-pack of Chicken nuggets and like 12 fries - hot and fresh. Eddie took the food and drove away.

As I'm sitting in the passenger seat COMPLETELY bewildered as to how that happened. Eddie broke the silence and said, "That girl likes me."

Funkyman: "Likes you? I dare say that's quite a gesture for liking someone."

Eddie: "Don't hate."

Funkyman: "I'm not hating. Look, she could get fired for doing that. What if she got caught? What if they run out of food for other customers because we just pulled away with the mega-family McFeast? Are we planning on eating all of this food? I mean, what a waste really! There are people starving and dying for food all over, and here we are with a sack full of hot and salty, delicious McDonald's fries."

Eddie: "Do you want some fries, David?"

Funkyman: " . . . yes."

BURGER KING
No long story here. I just want it to go on record that THE BURGER KING GUY IS SCARY!!!!! I have had nightmares with that huge bearded head with the crown. Enough said.

CHURCH'S CHICKEN
You've heard of KFC and maybe even Popeye's, but in Memphis where I grew up, Church's Chicken was a big deal. Yes, in the south we had KFC, Popeye's, Bojangles (SO GOOD), Krystal, Jack Pirtle's, Captain D's, Long John Silver's - come to think of it - A LOT of fried chicken places (I'm not saying ALL black people love fried chicken, but stereotypes are rooted in selective data) but I digress. What makes Church's stick out in my mind was the unfortunate fate of a criminal.

Yes, a criminal decided to rob a local Church's Chicken. He broke into the store through the air duct, and waited in the vents of the place until everyone had left. While trying to get out of the vents, he slipped and fell into one of the vats of oil that they use to fry the chicken - still boiling hot from that day's batch, and he fried himself from the waist down. They found him the next morning - though he was able to pull himself from the oil, he didn't survive.

For years, there was a joke in Memphis about Church's Chicken. "Yes, I'd like a 2-piece, a biscuit, and a side of toes."

Crime doesn't pay. Fail.

ROY ROGERS
Speaking of black people and fried chicken . . .
There is a fast food place on the East Coast called Roy Rogers, named after the late, great singing cowboy. They sell burgers and fries, but they speciailize in fried chicken.

While visiting a location in Washington, D.C. once, I was minding my business - eating my lunch. A man walked into the store and was just looking around. He went to the counter to order, but didn't order. He then took a step back and shouted to the entire establishment, "You're all niggers! Just a bunch of niggers!"

We're going to pause here for a brief service announcement.

PSA: If you are a white male or female, surrounded by nothing but young, strong, and possibly stressed-out-working-at-a-fast-food-joint African-Americans AND young, strong, just-waiting-for-some-justice African-American patrons, you probably should NOT scream at them and call them the n-word. Just saying. We now return you to your previously scheduled Adventure of Funkyman.

The restaurant froze. No one knew what to do. I honestly thought this man was crazy, because who would do such a thing? However, crazy or not, I feared for his safety. I was also surprised there was nothing but silence. I broke the silence.

"There are no niggers in here."

The man looked at me and left the building. That was the day I learned to speak out.

Yes, CRAZY stuff happens in this world. It's crazy that I haven't had a piece of fried chicken since July of 2007, ever since I began this lifestyle change. However, every once in a while, I do get the craving for some good, old-fashioned cajun, spicy, buttermilk fried toes. 20-piece with BBQ and Sweet & Sour.

- Funkyman

Open Letter to Occupy Movement

2011-10-16T23:01:00.001-04:00

This video is for anyone participating in the Occupy Movement across the world and for those who need further perspective. There is no one leader, no singular message, no singular solution. However, even though there can never be Utopia as long as imperfect humans are involved, we can certainly do better to address how we settle for the inhumanity surrounding modern economics. Just keep it positive! The world is under water and you are making bubbles. Whatever bubbles, bubbles up!

- Funkyman

Not So Friendly

2011-10-09T23:20:00.005-04:00

Hello Funkizens,

Long-time family restaurant chain, Friendly's, announces that it's filing for bankruptcy. You know Friendly's . . . home of:

- The subtly inappropriately-titled "Happy Ending" Sundae
- The diabetes/hyperactivity inducing Reese's Peanut Butter Sundae (so good!)
- Bacon Cheeseburgers with butter-topped grilled bread with tons of fries (love it!)
- (and my all-time favorite) THE FRIBBLE!

I used to go to Friendly's JUST to get a chocolate Fribble - probably the best shake I ever had. Unfortunately my memory of the Fribble is tainted by my very last visit to a Friendly's restaurant. As a matter of fact, over the years, I had so much HORRIBLE service at various locations of this chain, that the name "Friendly's" became the ultimate irony. Here are the tales of my worst restaurant experiences, which happen to all take place at Friendly's.

FRIBBLE, PLEASE?
As I stated earlier, I was a big fan of chocolate milkshakes - and who isn't? They're huge and they taste awesome. What's wrong with that? Well I'll tell you.

My last visit to a Friendly's was years ago, when I was in between gigs and stopped in for some lunch. Friendly's can be busy during the lunch hour - understandable. I placed my order - Grilled Chicken Sandwich, Diet Coke, and . . . you guessed it. Not complicated, right?

Waiter comes back with some water.

"Thanks!"

Waiter comes back again with my soda.

"Thanks! Could I also have the Fribble now?" It was my wish to have the shake first. He said no problem.

Waiter comes for the 3rd time with the Chicken Sandwich.

"Thanks! Still waiting for that Fribble, when you get a chance." He said no problem.

Waiter comes back to refill my soda.

"Thanks!"

Now at this point, any normal person would get upset or begin to wonder if something was wrong. I'm assuming that he forgot the Fribble, and by the time my meal ended, it was just too late. Next thing I know, he slaps the bill on the table and . . .

HE CHARGED ME FOR THE FRIBBLE!!!!!! WHAT???!!!!!! DUDE, COME ON!!!!!

I had been so patient, and honestly I was finally upset. I asked the waiter about the charge, and he said "Oh, right, sorry." That was the first, last, and only time I failed to leave a tip for a waiter. Doesn't matter anyway - I paid for the Fribble. Never been back since.

I LIKE MY CHICKEN RARE
Now you're saying, "Funkyman, that was an honest mistake. He was overwhelmed and they have a difficult job." True, but remember, that was my last horrible experience - certainly not the only reason I stopped going.

Some people like their steaks well done. Some like them medium (me), and some even take it rare (ew!). But how about chicken? I think it's safe to say most people like (actually need) their chicken to be cooked all the way through. This is not difficult and doesn't take much time. Right?

I ordered a Grilled Chicken Sandwich from Friendly's once, and the sandwich hit the table looking DELICIOUS! However, as I cut the sandwich in half (That's how I like it - thank goodness), I quickly learned that the seared, grilled chicken breast was only so on the surface. The inside, was 100% uncooked. Raw. Translucent pink.

OK, you say. It happens. Right? So we send the sandwich back, and you would think they would either throw that chicken back on the grill and let it finish cooking OR provide us with a new one. But no, that's too easy.

THEY SENT THE SAME UNCOOKED CHICKEN BACK TO US. Did they think we wouldn't notice? Did they think we were just whining? Did they even care? Needless to say, we sent it back this time and did not pay for that item.

THE LAST SHALL BE FIRST
Of course, I saved the best for last. My wife and I used to frequent restaurants 4 to 5 times a week. We ate out a lot, and we had seen a lot of things, great and not-so-great. There is nothing that we championed more than good waiters/waitresses. When they help you feel important, they make the experience so much greater. I'm a huge tipper (sorry Fribble man!). Of course, this is Friendly's, and we never expect awesome service - we just want to get in and get out alive.

One night, we walked into a Friendly's and saw only two people sitting at a table eating. In fact, there was only one waitress and one cook. You would think we would be seated immediately. However, the waitress continued to serve the seated couple, and we stood patiently waiting to be seated. Another couple came in behind us. The four of us waited paitently. A third couple came in, and then there were six.

Finally, (5 minutes later - I counted) the waitress came to seat us and give us our menus. She then seated the 2nd new couple. She then seated the 3rd new couple. We then observed as the waitress began to take the order of the 3rd couple first. She then took the order of the 2nd couple. She then, . . . walked right by us.

Now, my sensitivity meter was starting to rise, and my wife and I looked at each other as if to say, "Did that just happen?" The waitress seemed to be running around taking care of the orders of the other 3 seated couples, and finally, my wife called her over.

"Is it the policy of this restaurant to serve the last customers first and the first customers last?"

The waitress looked at my wife . . . TOSSED AWAY THE MENU SHE WAS HOLDING LIKE A FRISBEE! ACROSS THE DINING ROOM . . . put her hands on her hips and said, "FINE! What do you want?"

We're going to pause here for a brief service announcement.

PSA: If you cherish your life, do NOT get an attitude with a black woman who is ALREADY upset. We now return you to your regularly scheduled Adventure of Funkyman.

Yes, I've never seen anything like it before. I really need you to imagine someone throwing an entire menu across a room where people are eating and copping an attitude like "how dare you not see how much I don't want to be here today." This is where my wife made her famous statement:

"You do not exist anymore. I need the manager."

The waitress calmed down a little and tried to say something extra.

"I am not talking to you. You do not exist."

My wife was MAD. The waitress left. The cook/manager came over and apologized for the bad service, took our order, and then the waitress came back again and gave an apology that was clearly forced, and my wife never even looked her way. Heck I was scared too. In fact, she then turned to me . . .

Funkywife: "And you . . . why didn't you say something?"

Funkyman: "Me? Hey I'm on your team! Besides you were handling it fine. It didn't seem like you needed help."

Funkywife: "That's not the point. You could have said something too."

Funkyman: "Wait, it sounds like you're blaming me for believing in you to handle the situation."

Funkywife: "You don't exist anymore."

And with that, I'll end this adventure, since as my wife made very clear all those years ago, I am a figment of your imagination. OK, the story is true though maybe she didn't say I don't exist. Just kidding. Love you, Fadie! :-)

I still want my Fribble, though.

- Funkyman

Makeover

2011-10-07T09:43:00.002-04:00

Hey Funktions,

TAOF website has a new look. Let me know if you hate it. And shoot me a comment or an e-mail if there's a topic you would like me to cover. If not, I have plenty - don't worry. One day of life is filled with more things than there are to talk about. Until next time, stay . . .

- Funky, man

Proud

2011-10-04T10:05:00.002-04:00

Hello Funktrolites,

They say that every family has "that" uncle or "that" brother that is the black sheep of the family. The wayward one who got a little off the path in life and needs extra sympathy and forgiveness from the rest of us.

You: Funkyman, do you have a brother or an uncle like that?

Funkyman: No, I'm proud to say that I only have one uncle and he's amazing. My brothers are cool too. Guess our family doesn't apply. WINNING!

You: Well they also say that if you can't identify who "that" person is in your family, it's you.

Funkyman: HEY!!! . . . well maybe it is me, but I digress.

Today, I'm going to be able to help celebrate my uncle, Robert Freeman, whose painting Black Tie (pictured above) has just become part of the permanent collection at the Museum of Fine Arts in Boston. Yes, like Ron Burgundy, that's kind of a big deal.

To me, my uncle has always been a big deal.

- He's my only uncle - but even if he weren't, I wouldn't be able to compare him to anyone else.
- He loves people, and people love him.
- His spirit is infectious and inspiring.
- His art is transformative and moving.
- He has been a role model for me as a teacher and an artist.

And there have been other parallels in our lives as well. My uncle went to BU. I went to BU. My uncle lived in Weston and taught at an independent school for 25 years (Nobles & Grenough). I live in Wellesley and have taught at independent schools for 15 years. He worked as a Lecturer at Harvard University. I am a Lecturer at Tufts Unviersity. He has a wife (Aunt Bettye! Woo hoo!) and three daughters (Eva, Nina, and Leah). I have a wife and one daughter. He's had a successful career as an artist, has traveled the world, and now has a painting in the MFA. I . . . play piano sometimes . . . and I like Pictionary. Whatever, don't judge me.

But the greatest gift he has given me is love. As I type this entry, I am overcome with gratitude for how I've been allowed to experience love and family in my life. My uncle is beloved by his family, his friends, and by countless students that have had the benefit to be in one of his classes. In a life where I'm constantly trying to figure out what I want to be, I've often looked to his to see how he succeeded.

No, like the rest of us, he's not a perfect man. However, what he's done right . . . is so right.

Congratulations, Uncle Robbie!

- Funkynephew

P.S. - Hope you all like the new look of TAOF!!! I'm still working on it. Also, don't forget to go to iTunes and download "It's Time" - new song by Funkyman and Maddie Naylor - Dana Hall Class of 2012! Here's the link. Check it out!

Phrase Fail

2011-09-27T10:04:00.003-04:00

In the English language, like any other, there are some words that have several meanings, and some phrases that can be interpreted different ways. However, what amuses me are the phrases that mean the exact opposite of what we intend. I call them PHRASE FAILS. Let me give you some examples.

EXCUSE ME?
"Excuse me" is supposed to be a request to be pardoned, but the way it bugs me is when people use it to respond to something offensive being said. Yes, I understand that people use "Excuse Me?" to ask for forgiveness because they couldn't have possibly heard the offensive comment just stated. "I'm sorry, I must have heard you incorrectly." However, people use that phrase over and over again even after it has clearly been confirmed that indeed, yes, an offensive comment was made.

Offensive Person: "You're fat."

FAIL Response: "Excuuuse me?"

OP: "I said you're fat, and you're ugly."

FR: "EXCUUUUSEEEE MEEEEE??"

OP: "Listen to me, not only are you fat and ugly, but I don't like you."

FR: "EXXCCCCUUUUUUSSEEE MEEEEEEE??????"

You get my point.

I DON'T MEAN ANY DISRESPECT, BUT . . .
Or, the ever popular variation - "I don't mean to be rude, but . . . " Whenever someone starts a sentence with this phrase, you are guaranteed to hear something not only disrespectful, but something a person KNOWS is disrespectful but figures that phrase will lighten the blow. My next PHRASE FAIL will highlight that . . .

I'M NOT RACIST, BUT . . .
When I was in high school, I had my first job working in engineering services at a hospital. I was assigned random jobs, but I shared an office space with two building/structure engineers. They were nice guys, and we got along well. One day they got so comfortable that there was a slip of the tongue discussing someone who led the labor union. "I can't stand that nigger." I didn't have to say anything as he fumbled on. "Oh, sorry David. I don't mean any disrespect. I'm not racist, but that guy is a nigger."

Hey a two-for-one PHRASE FAIL! BACK TO BACK!!!

The people who brought us this PHRASE FAIL also brought us, "I'm not homophobic, but . . .", "I'm not sexist, but . . .", and "I'm all for freedom of religion, but . . ." You are guaranteed that in most cases, whatever follows those phrases will represent the very thing they claim not to be.

IT IS WHAT IT IS
I'll pause for a moment while I prepare to comment.

OK, ready.

WHAT DOES THIS PHRASE MEAN?????!!!!!! Black is black. Good is good. Up is up. Left is left. Earth is Earth. It is what it is? I hear this phrase used so much as a way to END conversations, but it never EXPLAINS anything. If you have light to shed on this, please feel free to comment. I myself don't understand, but hey, it is what it is. Doh!

IT'S ALL GOOD
Who invented this phrase? What in this world is ALL GOOD? And don't say God, because He's not an "It" so they're not referring to Him. People use this phrase usually to describe situations that are NOT all good.

"Yeah, I did some stupid stuff, hung out with the wrong crowd, ended up getting arrested a few times, got incarcerated and serving a 7-year term for Grand Larceny and I can't see my kids without court supervision - but IT'S ALL GOOD!"

Huh? Look, I understand the human need to rationalize and to be positive about your outlook on life. But the only way to turn from a negative situation is to acknowledge it for being a negative situation. That does not make it good. It means moving forward despite something negative happening to you, which is good. Make sure you are referring to your current state of mind, NOT the events of your past. The saying is "All things are WORKING for your good . . ." not "All things are good."

And with that, study hall is over, and thus so is this rant. Click and enjoy my tribute below to a man who used words very well, and inspired little David Coleman to grow up one day to become . . .

- Funkyman

What is "Black"?

2011-09-13T11:18:00.003-04:00

Hello Funkians,

I know that the issue of race is something that I touch on at least a few times a year, but that's because there is so little CONVERSATION about it. There is a lot of commenting made about it - Funkyman included. However, the cool thing about a blog is that you can leave comments and have a dialogue or the writing can spark an actual conversation with a live person. Therefore, submitted for your approval . . .

What is Black?

Last night, Miss Universe 2011 was crowned, and as you can see in the picture, this woman is not someone anyone would consider to be Caucasian. She is what we would today consider to be a "person of color" which is the politically correct way of saying "not Caucasian." She is from the country of Angola, speaks Portuguese, and may have never even visited America. While I noted to myself that someone won the competition that doesn't fall into the usual stereotype, I am surprised to read the online discussion surrounding her "race." Here are the three things I read that disturb me.

1. Some stories report the victory and highlight that Miss Universe crowns a black woman
2. Some haters think she won just because she was black
3. Some people are responding vehemently - "She's not black!"

This is where I pause. I will try not to scream.

OK, I'm ready.

To the reporters:

So the Black Miss Universe? This woman won because she WON. While it may be important to some (me included) to mark certain occasions as milestones in racial equality (Vanessa Williams won Miss America 27 years ago - let's keep it moving), WHY CAN'T SHE JUST BE THE BEST CONTESTANT? This does not have to be a part of the newstory. Anyone with eyes can see who won. If you make her race a part of the story, you help push the conversation along for the haters who play a race-game and say "she won because she was black" or "affirmative action at work". I know the intention of the reports is "She won! And she's black! Yay!" But in a way, you diminish her victory by unintentionally implying that race had anything to do with it.

To the haters:

So you think she won BECAUSE she's black? First of all, after hundreds of years of slavery, oppression, and an ongoing war against prejudice, black people are not HANDED any victory. They fight for it. Sure, there are people who voted for Obama out of guilt and sympathy for the history of racism in this country, but to boldly state that he won the whole election because of this is too ludicrous to blog about. When Denzel Washington and Halle Berry won Academy Awards, people accused the voters of affirmative action. If that's not the biggest disgrace in the history of life.

HEY WORLD - DO ME A FAVOR - when I win an award - any award - please let me enjoy it and feel proud of my achievement and the recognition from my colleagues and peers. How dare you tarnish my moment with remarks about people feeling sorry for me because of my race. ENOUGH ALREADY!!!! This woman won Miss Universe and not 1 hour later, here come the haters.

To the ethnicity police:

So, she's not "black"? Clearly these commenters are referring to the idea that being considered "BLACK" is based not on what you look like but rather where you come from or what culture you celebrate. While we should not judge anyone based on what they look like, I believe it is safe to say that this woman could be considered as having Native African heritage somewhere in her lineage - which by the way is the definition of someone being considered "black."

People of Native African descent have darker skin than most. We are spread out in every country, and speak every language. We are in the Carribean, in South America, in Latin America, in Europe, and in other parts of Asia. And yes, we're in America - though that's where people seem to make the distinction about being "black." It seems there is an urban definition of "black" as being synonomous with "African-American" - a widely used though controversial label.

I've heard friends say "I'm not black, I'm Jamaican."

Um . . . that's all great, but if you lived in America in the early 19th century, you would be in chains and called "Toby."

"I'm not black, I'm Cape Verdian."

Right . . . but if you tried to get a drink of water in 1930, you would do so from the "Coloreds Only" water fountain.

"I'm not black, I'm Nigerian."

That's awesome, but when the police raid Mission Hill looking for men that match a "certain" description (Charles Stuart) - you'll be picked up along with your "black" neighbors.

And THAT to me, is what defines "black people" - people of Native African descent who were mistreated even beyond slavery because of the color of their skin, not because they were from a certain region of the world. Of course I'm raising a larger issue that no one - including dark-skinned people of every kind - wants to be lumped in with us "African-Americans." We just can't catch a break! But that's for another day.

For today, Congratulations to you Leila Lopes of Angola - Miss Universe 2011. If someone tries to add or remove anything from this based on race, simply reply how I did when people trying to figure out my ethnicity used to ask me - "Hey David - what ARE you?"

I'm a person. Treat me like one.

- Funkyman

The First Day

2011-09-06T13:09:00.005-04:00

Hello Funklanders,

If you are not a teacher, you've been working all summer. If you are a teacher, you've already been back to work for a couple of weeks. However, this is a special week because children of all ages are experiencing the events that will inform the rest of their lives - the first day of school.

Now, if you're like me, you remember the first day of school like it was yesterday. I can go further and remember not only my first day of school, but every first day of every new school I went to - 1st grade, high school, college, and my first day of teaching. Why is that?

Is it the fear? Is it the crying? Is it the excitement? Is it the crying? Is it the recognition of a milestone? Is it the crying?

Yes, ladies and gentlemen - tears. I have cried on the first day of every new school experience and you're going to have to deal with it. I surely did. Why are you laughing? Wow. OK, maybe you wouldn't laugh if you knew the whole story. So here I am to illustrate to you my circumstances so that you can gain a better knowledge of who I am and YOURSELVES because I KNOW some of you cry too. It's not just me. Right?

1st Grade
My first "school" experience was 1st Grade because before that was Montessori School and that's all a blur. I skipped Kindergarten because I was already reading at an advanced level. YEAH THAT'S RIGHT. Who's laughing now? Anyway, I was 5 years old and I remember vividly getting out of the car and my father driving away. And there I was . . .

Stranded.

In a vast wasteland.

Of sky blue shirts and navy blue pants from Sears.

Yes, we all wore uniforms in Catholic school, and we did NOT have a playground. We had a parking lot, which is where kids gathered before school, playing various games like four-square (LOVED that game) and jump rope. However, I didn't know ONE person at that school and as I wandered around the parking lot, the tears began to form. Not because I felt alone. But because I suddenly realized that I did not have the courage to speak to anyone I didn't know. What a paralyzing moment. I was in a new place with no friends, and I was too scared to do anything about it. And then I heard it.

"Hi, I'm Ray. What's your name?"

That was the beginning of my first "best friend" relationship in life - Ray Jackson. I never got to tell him "Thank you" for saving me that day.

9th Grade
I was at that 1st school for 8 years. That's a long time in the life of a 13-year old. More than half of my life was spent in the same halls with the same faces. I had been blessed enough to be Homecoming King (I raised the most money by selling mom's oatmeal cookies. Thanks Mom!), and I was my 7th Grade Class President. I won my school Spelling Bee (more on that in a future post), and I was asked to be the speaker for my 8th Grade Classs graduation.

But that was over. The day had come. New school. New place. You know no one. Again.

This school had a uniform too - coat and tie. AND did I mention it was an all-boys' Catholic school?

Insert tears here.

No seriously, I chose this school because of the rigorous academic program and because I wanted to be somewhere completely different than my last school. I got that. Any tears I shed that 1st day were tears of joy.

13th Grade - College
I chose to attend Boston University - a long way from my home in Memphis, TN. Long story short - my mother packed up the car with all of my luggage, we drove from Memphis to Boston, she stayed over one night in a hotel, and after moving me into my dorm, hopped back in the car and drove back to Memphis. I cried because it was the first time I felt like an adult, and I knew that wasn't my mom driving off into the distance . . . it was my childhood.

1st Day as a Teacher
This one hit me by surprise. I didn't think I would have a career as a teacher, but through my work at the Boston Conservatory as director of Project S.E.A.R.C.H., I had a responsibility to visit schools and assess their music programs. It was through my interaction with high school students and learning about the state of schools with little or no arts that I got the bug to teach. Next thing I knew, I got a phone call about a position opening at an independent school in Newton.

I did the interview - got the job.

I prepared for classes and bought some new clothes.

I headed out of my apartment on my 1st day and . . . cried. Like a baby.

I actually cried harder that day than the other times combined. The fear suddenly hit me that not only would I be new in a new place, but there was now the added responsibility of having to capture the attention and imagination of hundreds of children - either making a lasting impression as an inspiration, a bore, or a FAIL in their hearts and minds forever. Obviously I was putting WAY too much pressure on myself. It all turned out well, and now I've been a full-time teacher for more than 15 years.

Yes, tears are natural and healing. Yes, real men cry. And no, it was not the last time.

There was another time I cried on the 1st day of school - the day I dropped my daughter off at her 1st school and had to say goodbye. It's actually making me start to cry right now.

Every parent feels that lump in her/his throat when they see their child growing up. We survive our own career of attending school and now . . .

. . . we have to watch it all happen again. So far as I know though, my daughter hasn't shed a tear. Obviously she gets that from her mother.

Have a great year in 2nd grade, Aimée. Papa loves you! (Sniff, sniff)

- Funkyman

Earth Shaking

2011-08-28T12:51:00.005-04:00

Hello Funkstonians,

Today's topic - natural disasters. No I'm not writing about Conan the Barbarian, because that was an unnatural disaster . . . and I want my life back. But I digress.

I live in New England, and one of the most frequent questions I've fielded from family and friends is "Why do you live in Boston?" Here is my first and fastest response:

You: Why do you choose to live in Boston?

Funkyman: NO EARTHQUAKES!

As a matter of fact, I've been quoted saying that here in Boston, the only natural disasters we have to be concerned with are blizzards. But as you and I well know . . .

I need a new response.

In the last 3 months, my family has been treated to a real tornado warning, an earthquake, and as I sit here writing this, a hurricane. Now, I know that the tornado didn't touch down in Boston, but Springfield, MA - not so far away - will not forget the damage caused by theirs. No, I didn't feel the earthquake myself, but plenty of my colleagues and friends did. And though our "hurricane" will be remembered as Hurricane "Irony" (calm down everyone), it was enough of a scare to shut down public transportation, businesses, and most churches - giving me the opportunity to write and share with all of you.

All of this "fear" prompted me to do some research (Wikipedia.com – don’t judge me) into natural disasters and the worst losses the world has seen. What occurrence in nature has terrorized mankind the most? Don't think I don't KNOW you've wondered the same thing too. I've done the work for you. So here is Funkyman's list of disasters from bad to worst in terms of loss of human life.

14. Limnic Eruptions - I know, I know - what's a limnic eruption? Well, it's when a lake “overturns” and erupts carbon dioxide into the atmosphere suffocating everything in the vicinity. While this is horrible, it is rare, and has mainly affected a couple of lakes in Cameroon - a country in Africa. About 1,800 people have died due to this disaster.

13. Blizzards - Not high on the list of casualties, snow and ice comes in at 13. The worst blizzard on record was in Iran in 1972, where we lost about 4,000 people.

12. Tornadoes – Unpredictable and fast, tornadoes usually occur in low populated areas. However, in 1989, Bangladesh experienced one that took 1,300. Over the last hundred years, about 6,000 people have lost their lives to these twisters.

11. Wildfires – Man-made fires aside, wildfires or bushfires can happen naturally, the worst being in Wisconsin in 1871 where 2,500 people perished.

10. Storms – Because of the tell-tale signs, storms have been fairly predictable for a long time, and mankind has learned to take cover before they hit. However, storms can cause destruction and the rain from storms can cause mudslides. The worst mudslide in history was in 1999 in Venezuela where over 15,000 people were overtaken.

9. Avalanches – Of the 55,000 people who have lost their lives to landslides, most were in Peru in the 1960’s.

8. Heat Waves – Over 100,000 people have died due to excessive heat conditions – the worst being in 2010 in Russia – a deathtoll of 56,000.

7. Volcanic Eruptions – More heat. Of the 245,000 lost in this horrible manner, the worst volcano eruption was in 1815 in Indonesia – 92,000 lost.

6. Tsunamis – Over half a million have lost their lives due to gigantic tidal waves, often caused by earthquakes beneath the sea. The worst tsunami happened recently in 2004 in the Indian Ocean – taking over 230,000 of our people.

5. Cyclones – Yes, hurricanes are a kind of cyclone, and they make number 5 on the list due to their frequency, variety, and appearances in highly populated areas. Over 2,000,000 people have died at the hands of these ocean-based terrors, and the worst was in 1970 in Pakistan, when 500,000 were taken.

4. Earthquakes – As we continue into the realm of the earth-shaking on the mainland, with over 5,000,000 casualties, we find that the worst earthquake casualties have been in China. As a matter of fact, China is clearly the country that has experienced the most human devastation at the hands of Mother Nature. The two worst earthquakes on record occurred in China, and in the top ten worst, China has 6 spots. The worst was in 1556, where they lost 830,000 in one quake.

3. Floods – Floods are tricky because mankind can play a role in these disasters. Poorly constructed dams, levees (Katrina), or barriers are the cause ofthese horrors, but nonetheless, water proves to be a destroyer. And China knows better than anyone. Of the 7,250,000 that have perished at the hands of floods, more than 6,500,000 have been in China in just the last hundred years alone. Hey, look at this list so far. Remember the age old metaphorical battle between fire and water? Opposite forces of nature battling it out? Which one is worse?

Water wins.

2. Famine – If we were to stop the list at natural disasters that happen due to violent, physical changes in nature – earthquakes would win. If we were to stop the list at natural disasters that man plays a role in, floods would win. However, there are still some things that happen in nature that are worse.

Like food.

In our history, famine has cancelled the lives of over 175,000,000 people. That’s real. Support the efforts of healthy farming and care for the earth. Obviously, we need a few basic things in nature to live: food, water, air. And if those things are tainted, we get . . .

1. Diseases – I was floored to learn the statistics on the amount of death surrounding disease. Small Pox alone took 300,000,000 lives between the years of 1900 and 1980. Altogether, the top ten major diseases have taken 1,000,000,000 (yes a billion) lives. And that ladies and gentlemen is an advertisement for health, safety, wellness, and medicine.

Here in the 21st century, in America, in the Northeast, I still feel relatively safe from violent natural disasters. However, I am constantly reminded of their significance. The late George Carlin often referenced natural disasters as the world correcting and healing itself and we humans are "just another failed biological mutation. The planet’ll shake us off like a bad case of fleas. A surface nuisance."

Sarcastic. Yes. Pessimistic. Yes.

A ring of truth?

Carpe diem.

- Funkyman

The Help, not The Cure

2011-08-17T23:30:00.004-04:00

Hello Funkissippians,

If you have seen the movie, The Help, then please continue reading. If you have not, just know I'm about to expose several moments of the film which you may want to experience on your own first. You can just come back and read later.

NOW

QUESTION:
How many Hollywood movies in recent memory have dealt with the fight for Civil Rights in the 1960's? Not too many. In fact the last one (I believe) was Ghosts of Mississippi, made in 1996 about the death of Medgar Evers. That was 15 years ago.

QUESTION:
How many Hollywood movies in recent memory have had African-American women as central, dramatic, heroic characters? I'll wait . . .
Exactly.

On Monday, my wife and I had the rare occasion of being able to go to the movies together, and we saw The Help. She had just read the book, and I . . . well I wanted to make my wife happy. However, I'm very glad I saw this film. The Help is a story set in Jackson, Mississippi in the 1960's and focuses on the life of a maid, Aibileen, who has suffered many injustices and hardships, but currently works in a house where she is forced to use an outhouse to go to the bathroom. A friend of her employer, just home from college and who was raised by an African-American maid herself, is given a job at a newspaper writing about housecleaning, and ends up interviewing Aibileen. However, she soon realizes that Aibileen's personal story is more intriguing than her expertise in house cleaning, and the plot of the movie is set. She sets out to write a book featuring the personal stories and perspectives of maids working in white households in Jackson, knowing that it is against the law, and that there is uncertainty about the consequences in the racially charged climate. Long story short, the maids overcome their own understandable inhibitions and share the stories, simultaneously elevating themselves in their personal lives.

My wife and I both walked away from the movie impressed not only by the performances, but by the achievement of a well balanced story, where courage and fear were highlighted in both black and white characters, and where (ring the bell) the African-American FEMALE character was the narrator, main character, and hero.

Imagine my surprise when the following day I was asked if I had heard the controversy surrounding the film.

Friend: "Did you think the movie was racist?"

Funkyman: "Huh?"

Friend: "Yeah, a lot of people are saying that because of the dialect (the way the maids spoke), the absence of sexual harassment experienced by maids from their white male bosses, and the absence of positive, prominent African-American male characters, the movie paints a false picture of that era."

Deep breath . . . here we go.

Let me start by saying that I grew up in Memphis, Tennessee and both my father and my grandparents were born and raised in Mississippi. Therefore, I do have connection with that era, these characters, and I certainly know people that are just like the people portrayed in the film. This is part of the reason I was so moved. They nailed the accent - let's move on to a different point.

The statement made by the group criticizing this film can be read here, and they basically want to say that a viewer of this movie should know that this movie does not encompass the complete experience of an African-American woman who worked as a maid in the 60's. Which begs this question . . .

WHAT MOVIE IN THE HISTORY OF MOVIES ENCOMPASSES THE COMPLETE EXPERIENCE OF ANYTHING?

Movies have a job - to tell a story or stories from a particular viewpoint, and hopefully tell that story well. We, the audience, should know that any movie we see is not an encylopedia entry on the subject matter, and I believe that most people know this. It should not be any movie's responsibility to carry the weight of explaining clearly and representing every factor of an experience. It's just not possible. The Help is aptly titled. It helps. Let it help and don't blame it for not being "The Cure." Here are the things the movie attempted to do, and I believe succeeded.

The Help is told from a female point-of-view
How often are we treated to a 2.5 hour movie where MEN aren't the focus? It's true that there are only a couple of black men in this film and that they play a miniature purpose. However, the WHITE men don't play a large one either, and the only reason they're in this movie is because we are seeing life from the maid's perspective. The main character, Aibileen, doesn't have a husband, Minnie's husband beats her, and we don't need character development for a wife beater - sorry. The main white female character, Skeeter, has a boyfriend only to highlight her own past with insecurity and loss. This film is NOT ABOUT MEN.

Aibileen, NOT Skeeter is the hero
I read a lot of criticism saying here's another Hollywood movie where the white character is the hero that saves the day and helps those poor blacks that couldn't do it for themselves.

HUH? Did they watch the movie? Skeeter (the woman who writes the book about the maids) can do NOTHING without the maids. How is she the savior? And she's not doing it to "save" them. She's doing it because she feels it's a story worth telling and cares. And I'm sorry, yes, some white people did care about the lack of respect and concern going on in society. I'm sorry, no, blacks did NOT do it all by themselves. I'm sorry, yes, it took a nation of people of several races and colors to come together to fight injustice. What's wrong with telling a story where whites and blacks work together to create a book that will bring awareness to people who either don't know, don't show, and don't care about what's going on in Jackson, Mississippi? (Thanks for that quote Ice Cube! RICKYYYYYY!!!!!!)

Skeeter had nothing to lose by writing the book except her "friends" getting angry with her. Aibileen had everything to lose - made more difficult since she felt she had already lost everything after her son died. The movie highlighted this fact well. I don't see how anyone could miss that at the end of the movie, we celebrate Aibileen. Skeeter simply smiles with the satisfaction knowing that she played a part. By the way, the movie is called "The Help" not "Skeeter." By the way, the headlining actress is Viola Davis (Aibileen), not Emma Stone (Skeeter).

There is fear and weakness on both sides
The movie highlights those who were courageous, both white and black, as well as those who were not. We see that there is no "good" race to be. Blacks are not better because they suffered, and whites are not better because they tried to help. We also see black characters that fail (like Minnie's husband committing domestic violence and Yule - the maid who stole the ring) and white characters that fail (like Skeeter's mother firing Constantine or Aibileen's boss being a poor mother and having no backbone at all). People are not perfect, and that is well displayed in this movie. Forget about pointing out the obvious racist character Hilly, who is supposed to represent all of the reprehensible traits of people during that time. What the movie highlights is that her character is driven by fear. What all of the "fail" characters have in common is that when they succomb to fear or lack of integrity, they injure themselves and the relationships they had with - The Help.

I've seen a lot of movies dealing with the subject of race where all whites are painted as the antagonist, and blacks are the martyred heroes. I've seen a lot of movies where the only black characters are antagonists or so depraved that it's embarrassing. So should I apologize when I enjoy seeing a movie out of Hollywood that paints a picture where there are no perfect people, and the theme is not about black vs. white, but about courage, justice, and integrity?

That story is told through the lens of a maid.

That story is told through the lens of a woman.

That story is told through the lens of a black woman in the 1960's.

And yet, everyone who watches this film walks away with the larger message: People need people. Skeeter needed Aibileen and the other maids to be courageous and tell their story under the threat of legal and possibly physical repercussions. Aibileen needed Skeeter to care and Ms. Stein to publish the book. They did it together. In THIS story, one couldn't have done it without the other. I think that's beautiful. Come on everyone, let's recognize that Hollywood delivered a balanced character story - not a perfect movie. I pray that Viola Davis receives a nomination for an Academy Award. If you saw her play the role of Antwoine Fisher's mother several years ago, you know she deserves it.

As for the topic of racism. Simply read the news, and you will know that today in 2011, Jackson, Mississippi is still a hotbed of racially motivated crimes. It's not our job to solve racism in a day. It's our job to continually recognize it and move forward despite it. One of the ways we can do that is through theater, music, and yes, film.

The job of a movie is to dramatize something so that we can take something from it and enrich our own lives. Martin Luther King, Jr. said in the "I Have a Dream" speech:

One hundred years later, the Negro is still languishing in the corners of American society and finds himself an exile in his own land. So we have come here today to dramatize a shameful condition.

I believe that The Help helps to dramatize a shameful condition. The shameful condition is not racism.

It's fear.

- Funkyman

Apes and Aliens

2011-08-12T22:54:00.003-04:00

Howdy Funkphians,

There are so many things going on in the world. Here are three:

1. America is broke. Well, America was already broke, but now we officially have a label to contend with.

2. London riots. I find it funny that when African-Americans riot, we (they) are viewed as barbaric and primitive people with chips on their shoulders, but when other people riot, it's social insurrection due to injustice. Hmmm. Or . . . do . . . I have a chip on my shoulder?

3. Rise of the Planet of the Apes opens to favorable reviews.

You: What?

Funkyman: That's right - who saw that coming?

It's not often that I will stay on a singular topic for two posts in a row, but since it is summertime and there are so many movies I want to see and have seen, the topic of prequels comes to mind (thanks to you Geoff!)

Who invented the prequel? Seriously if anyone knows, please comment. I do not believe that it is a construct of the 20th century, and that surely long ago the literature genre must have conceived the idea of fleshing out backstories to explain a character or event that captured the imagination of the audience from a previous work. And while I'm sure prequels have had their share of success and struggle in the world of novels and theater, there is nothing quite like the movies.

Star Wars prequels = Fail. Star Trek prequel = Win.

X-Men Origins: Wolverine = Fail. X-Men First Class = Win.

Young Einstein = Fail. Young Sherlock Holmes = Win. (LOVE that movie, and no - not a fair comparison!)

That being said, the question I was asked is: Funkyman, what say you about Rise of the Planet of the Apes?

Funkyman: Hey you, what's up?

You: London riots, man it's crazy.

Funkyman: I know. You know I find it funny that during the LA riots following Rodney King, black people were viewed as primitive and barbaric, but people are sympathetic to the English people committing crimes in the streets.

You: What did you think of Rise of the Planet of the Apes?

Funkyman: That's racist man! The LA riots were in response to the ignorance of police violence and . . .

You: No, I mean the movie! Dude calm down!

Funkyman: Oh, my bad. I think I have a chip on my shoulder. Where was I? Oh yes, movie review.

I have to say that judging a movie on its own is different than judging it in the context and/relationship to a larger story and previous established material. So let's look at the movie on its own first.

The science fiction premise of a drug that can enhance the intelligence or "repair" the brain is pretty cliche. However, with James Franco playing the scientist, John Lithgow playing the Alzheimer's-ridden father, and Andy Serkis (of Gollum fame) playing the chimpanzee, they make this story glorious to watch. The acting is great and the story is well-told, taking us from the laboratory, to a suburban home, to a penitentiary for monkeys. The progression of the ape, Caesar, from a curious child to a focused yet broken-hearted leader is the heart of the movie, and if it weren't part of a larger story thread that leads to the great original Planet of the Apes, everyone could go home happy.

If.

Which brings us to judging it as part of the larger story. Let me begin by saying that the original Planet of the Apes starring Charlton Heston is one of my 10 favorite sci-fi movies ever. It is poignant, original, and brilliant. Part of the poignancy is that it addressed several current social, religious, and political concerns - one of them being the threat of nuclear war. (Spoiler alert) For most of the movie, we believe that an astronaut, Charlton Heston, has landed on an alien planet where humans live in submission to more intelligent apes, but in the end we learn that he is actually on Earth post nuclear-holocaust. Therefore, we now know at least part of the backstory of how this role reversal occurred.

Enter our new movie, supposedly a prequel to this story. In Rise of the Planet of the Apes, the same drug that gives the apes the ability to have advanced intelligence is simultaneously some kind of lethal virus for humans, and at the end of the movie we are treated to a map of the world where we see that the virus spreads throughout the entire planet - insinuating that humans were destroyed not by nuclear weapons but by a contagion of mass genocidal proportions.

Whereas the premise of the original relied heavily on idea that man's pride, violent nature, and failure to tolerate difference to be its downfall, our new film has erased that premise and replaced it with a fable with "don't be cruel to animals" as its moral.

THEREFORE

As a movie, I think Rise of the Planet of the Apes is a win. As a prequel, it certainly is a fail. And yes, it's possible to be both when you think about it.

As for the sequels to Planet of the Apes:

Beneath the Planet of the Apes, Escape from the Planet of the Apes, Conquest of the Planet of the Apes, and Battle for the Planet of the Apes - I can't really discuss too much because they provide a completely separate dimension of this storyline, which is in a nutshell - the earth is destroyed in "Beneath", a male and female ape escape from the Armageddon in "Escape" and travel to the past (suspend your disbelief) and have a child - "Caesar," Caesar grows up and fights humans for rights and respect in the "Conquest" and "Battle."

You can see a parallel between the plot of these older movies (almost 40 years now) and what the new film tries to present, but it would serve them well to not advertise the new film as a prequel but rather an homage, because it pays respect to these old films by referencing some of the themes. It does not give backstory and explain anything in relationship to the story we already knew.

As for Tim Burton's 2001 remake - I'll save that for a blog about movies that should not have been remade.

I promise next week - no movies. Maybe.

You: What did you think of Cowboys and Aliens?

Funkyman: For the last time, the situation in Arizona and New Mexico is very serious. It's not fair to sum up our immigration problems as some silly comic book title.

You: David . . .

Funkyman: . . . right. The movie. I know. Chip. Shoulder. Got it.

- Funkyman

Marvel vs. DC - Movies

2011-08-02T16:33:00.007-04:00

Hello Funkfans,

Here at TAOF, I talk about a lot of things, but by nature of the title of this blog, I have to occasionally reference one of my childhood hobbies - comic books.

OK, it extended beyond childhood.

OK, I still collect comic books - happy? Keep it moving.

Yes, I still wear a Superman "S" on my person almost daily (click here if you ever wondered why), and I'm often asked if I've seen the latest comic book or superhero movie adaptation - to which I respond - "Yes, duh!"

You: "Funkyman, you saw the Green Lantern movie?"

Me: "Of course!"

You: "WHY?!!!"

Me: "Because it's the GREEN LANTERN MOVIE!!"

The truth is I will see any and every movie version of a superhero because good or bad, it's worth it to me to see how people take the fantasy of both the written page and the painted page to the screen. And just like any book-to-movie transition - it can fail horribly. However, we learn from the failures just as much as we rejoice with the victories.

This summer, we've been treated to X-Men, Thor, Green Lantern and Captain America. Wow - 4 in one summer is certainly a milestone. Marvel has ruled this summer 3 movies to 1, and yes, this year they created the superior products (sorry Green Lantern). However, in the age-old debate of Marvel vs. DC comics - which is better? - let's extend the discussion to movies. So The Adventures of Funkyman presents:

MARVEL vs. DC Movie SMACKDOWN!!!!!

In this corner - the DC Universe - lesser known independent titles like Watchmen have been critically acclaimed, but the iconic long-time heavy hitters are of course Batman and (duh) Superman.

In this corner, the Marvel Universe - home to the Hulk, the X-Men, the Avengers, and the big heavy hitters Spider-Man and Wolverine - who at one point surpassed Superman as the most recognized superhero in pop-culture - not too shabby.

Funkyman: OK, you two. Protect yourself at all times, make this a clean fight. Don't hit lower than the belt. When I say break, I want a clean break. In the event of a knock-down, you will be directed to go to a neutral corner. You are both professionals and I expect a good, clean fight! OK, touch gloves and come out at the bell!

DING DING DING DING DING

Marvel: First of all thank you Funkyman for hosting this event. I would just like to say that Marvel has clearly been the fan favorite for decades. I'm not really sure why I'm even here.

DC: Um, hold up Marvel. We both know that there has never been a character more influential to ALL comic book superheroes than our Superman, so check yourself.

Funkyman: Wow, that's kind of true. I should probably go change t-shirts as to not show any bias.

Marvel: No man, you don't have to change. We love Superman. But don't forget what comic book captured your imagination as a kid - X-Men - which has little or NOTHING to do with Superman.

Funkyman: Wow, that's kind of true too. Anyway, I'll shut up now.

DC: Good. Look here Marvel, we're here talking about movies anyway, so BRING IT!!!

Marvel: Fine. Let's start with our most successful one - Spider-Man. Great movie, well-acted, had a great villain in Willem Dafoe, and grossed over 400 million dollars.

DC: Not bad, not bad. But have you heard of a little film called The Dark Knight? Best reviewed superhero movie in history, nominated for Academy awards, had Heath Ledger as the Joker, and grossed more than 500 million dollars.

Funkyman: OK - individual movie gross & respect - DC wins.

Marvel: Whatever! In our 3 Spider-Man movies, we grossed over 1 billion dollars in 5 years. Your entire Batman franchise with 6 movies only grossed 1.4 billion over 16 years.

Funkyman: OK - overall individual franchise success - Marvel wins.

DC: Money isn't everything you know. We take pride in leaving a long-term legacy. Our Christopher Reeve Superman movies are the seeds of legend.

Marvel: Yes, and Superman III and Superman IV: Quest for Peace are the harvest of shame! Let's not forget your "nice try" with Superman Returns. I'm sorry guys but Christopher Reeve was great once, but Superman movies are over.

DC: Um, let's not talk about shame. I have two words for you: FANTASTIC FOUR. Next topic.

Marvel: Hold up! Let's not start throwing movie titles around. You wanna get nasty? Let's do this! How about Steel? What was Shaquille O'Neal doing? What were you thinking? How about Supergirl, or as we refer to it - SuperFAIL? What about Batman and Robin? Was that Arnold Schwarznegger playing Ice-Man? And Jonah Hex?!!!! Come on DC!!!! COME ON!!!!! IT'S OVER!!!

DC: Catch your breath!!! What about Ghost Rider partner? Or X-Men: The Last Stand - LITERALLY!? Or how about not one but 3 different dudes playing Incredible Hulk in less than 10 years. I thought the gamma radiation just made him change his looks from a man to a green monster. Looks like he changes form when he reverts to human form too! LOL!!! Eric Bana, Ed Norton, Mark Ruffalo - WHATEVER!!!

Marvel: You shut your mouth! Dude, you had FOUR BATMEN!!!!! 2 of them totally stank, and your second best was MR. MOM, dude!!!!! Don't talk to us about casting problems. How about making Academy Award winner Halle Berry do that silly Catwoman movie!

DC: Yes, right, because you guys treated her with so much respect playing STORM!!!!! Did she even have more than two lines in X-Men? Funkyman, are you even still here? Who's winning?

Funkyman: Yes I'm here! Uh, I would say at this point . . . I'm not sure.

Marvel: Fine, well let me finish this. We had Spider-Man 2 - highly critically acclaimed, and set the stage for people to take notice of The Dark Knight as a serious film. Spidey 2 also had some of the best fight sequences in any action movie to date. We had X-Men 2 - widely regarded as one of the best superhero movies in history - from Nightcrawler's invasion of the White House to Wolverine's rampage through the mansion. We had Iron Man - a huge success and turning point for Robert Downey's career. We have the Avengers contiuum - with both financial and critical successes for Thor and Captain America this summer, not to mention more financial and critical acclaim for X-Men: First Class. We have other well-made less successful projects like Blade, and even though we also had Daredevil, Elektra, and two failed Punisher movies - our good FAR outshines our bad.

Funkyman: Wow, that was compelling. DC?

DC:

Funkyman: DC? Your response please?

DC: We . . . we . . . we have Batman.

Marvel: Oh I'm sorry, DC, did I hurt your feelings? Don't give up so fast. You had Watchmen, right? And V for Vendetta, and Constantine?

DC: True. Wow, thanks Mar . . .

Funkyman: Wait a second, were'nt all of those titles under the Vertigo label? I mean, they are a subset of DC, but I didn't know we were counting those films. To be fair, we would then have to consider Men in Black and Kick-Ass for Marvel, and . . .

DC: OK Stop! Actually those films you mentioned carried the DC logo, but that's OK. I see where this is going.

Funkyman: Ladies and gentlemen, this is an amazing day. I think we may have a winner. It looks like DC is conceding to Marvel in the movie business. Before I declare Marvel the winner in this epic battle, I will allow both sides one last jab.

DC: Howard the Duck

Marvel: SWAMP THING!

DC: You win.

- Funkyman

"DON'T MESS WITH SUPERMAN!"

For even more fun, check out The Adventures of Funkyman CD - 3 years in the making! Available now at iTunes!

Dream On

2011-07-14T00:50:00.005-04:00

Hello Funklantians,

I was once quoted as saying that "You can do anything if you put your mind to it" is a nice idea . . . but a lie.

I still believe that. The truth is that you can do GREAT things if you put your mind to it, but promising a person you can do "anything" is not fair, because it's a promise that doesn't always deliver. For instance, I cannot beat Serena Williams in tennis, no matter how much I put my mind to it. I cannot become white. I cannot write a symphony more perfect than Beethoven's 9th. However, that doesn't mean you shouldn't dream.

Dreams are very important, ESPECIALLY if they don't come true. You see, dreams are not a promise to the dreamer - they are a vision of what you want to try to attain. While trying to attain our dreams, we learn about our strengths and weaknesses, and we grow in the process. It's important to have dreams, no matter what.

. . . and sometimes, yes. They come true.

In 2007, I wrote a blog entry about an old student of mine. Click here if you missed it.

When I met Will Van Dyke in 1996, he was in 7th Grade and the musical RENT had just come out. Most kids of his generation have that show burned in their memory as their first major musical theater experience/obsession - like Phantom and Les Mis 10 years before. Like me, Will played classical piano, but also loved to play pop, jazz, and blues. I was his advisor. One day, I was asked did I think that Will could have a future career in music. I said yes.

15 years later, tonight, July 13, 2011, I saw the newly staged production of RENT Off-Broadway on W. 50th St. outside of Times Square with music director - Will Van Dyke. I was/am so proud and happy for him. He has more to do, and it's fun watching it unfold for him.

A year ago, I wrote about my Broadway musical dreams/experience. If you missed it, click here. As you read in my recent post, I am working on a production of Porgy and Bess that is slated to go to Broadway in December.

The fact that I was walking around New York City this evening, at age 40, after a day of working on a show one year after making up my mind to make one of my dreams happen, and watching my old student actually living out my dream and his - it's just too much for words.

However, I'm attempting to put words to blog in order to capture the moment and tell the world that . . .

While you can't do "everything" if you put your mind to it - you may get the chance to do "anything" if you continue to dream.

Keep the faith.

Love,

- Funkyman

Vacation Job

2011-07-10T07:50:00.005-04:00

Believe me Funktions, no one is more aware of my lack of posting recently than me. I have started and stopped writing entries 6 times without finishing complete thoughts. Here's a sample:

ATTEMPT #1 - I was browsing through the Adventures of Funkyman, curious to see what I was writing about in May of last year. This week last year I wrote about a highly publicized celebrity marriage break-up caused by infidelity. Well here we are again. I'm not going to rehash what I wrote last year, but if you want to read it, click here. And to the Governator - it's not simply infidelity that destroys relationships and trust - it's secrets. To everyone else, keep it moving. NEXT TOPIC.

I'm sitting here in my last week of classes for the school year, meaning my last study hall, meaning the usual pause from updating this blog site. However, I intend to keep it going as often as I can, so don't fret - I'm around. This month has been bananas, as usual, but I just got finished doing a fine production of GUYS AND DOLLS with Dana Hall and Belmont Hill Schools.

It was an interesting ride - after doing two heavily music-driven, opera-like shows RAGTIME and RENT, GUYS AND DOLLS seemed an odd choice for many. In some ways, the show was easier musically, and in other ways, it was more difficult.

[never got to explain why - another time perhaps?]

ATTEMPT # 2 - As the academic year winds down, my thoughts are filled with memories of the many events I have been blessed to be a part of this year:

- The Dana Hall School Choral Tribute to the 1980's
- The New England Conservatory Gospel Jubilee
- Footloose (the musical)
- Chamber Singers Concert tour of Austria
- The 10th Annual REJOICE! High School Gospel Fest
- Tufts University Spring Gospel Concert
- Guys and Dolls (the musical)
- meeting Lyrics Born, Talib Kweli, and Slug - three of my favorite hip-hop artists

Did I forget anything? Hmmmm . . . . oh yeah.

APRIL 17, 2011 - THE ADVENTURES OF FUNKYMAN CD RELEASE PARTY

Here it is, finally. I can talk about this event and give it the coverage it deserves.

[or not!]

ATTEMPT #3
(Concerning the "well educated" woman on train) When will people learn? They say that integrity is not measured by what you do when people are watching, but rather what you do when no one is watching. In the digital age we live in, that "no one is watching" time BARELY EXISTS. People are watching you, and if you choose to have an outburst in a public place, consider yourself recorded on video.

Click HERE if you have no idea of what I'm referring to.

ATTEMPT # 4 - I've seen a bunch of movies:

Goodbye Lenin - hilarious German film about the fall of the Berlin Wall

Source Code - GREAT sci-fi pic starring Jake Gyllenhaal about time-travel/fate

Robin Hood - finally saw Russell Crowe's version - OK, but not what it's advertised to be

Where the Wild Things Are - Compelling, but kind of scary

Thor - Brilliant in that they took a cartoon about the Norse God of Thunder wearing a silly hat with wings living near a rainbow bridge and made it both watchable and fun. Special kudos to Anthony Hopkins as Odin.

Bridesmaids - Not for everyone, but certainly for me. HILARIOUS!!!!

Kung Fu Panda 2 - Very well done CGI sequel. Good story, and great animation.

Salt - Angelina Jolie in a surprisingly GREAT action film. She's not finished yet.

Catfish - A documentary/narrative about the dark side of online relationships. It will blow you away. Check this out.

X Men First Class - Best movie I've seen all summer, though I had some major X-Men Geek issues - like the death of Darwin, Kevin Bacon's take on Sebastian Shaw, the evil Nightcrawler dude, and who is tornado-hand guy? Other than that, BRILLIANTLY done.

Super 8 - People are raving about this movie, but since I've seen all of Spielberg's movies, this paled in comparison. I can appreciate it was done in homage to movies of the past, but quite honestly, the movies of the past were better. That doesn't mean this was a bad film, just didn't live up to the hype.

Green Lantern - Buy a ticket, get some popcorn, and enjoy this. Otherwise, you'll be sorry. Not much else here.

Hangover 2 - Being panned because it's "so much like the first one." Well DUH???!!! I thought it was hilarious - again.

Cars 2 - Wow, I didn't think it was possible - Pixar's first actual FAIL! Where was the touching story? Where was the character interaction? Where was Lightning McQueen? If they wanted to make a movie featuring Mater, it should have gone straight to video. End of review.

Transformers 3 - In my opinion, the best of the 3. Of course, when you see anything in IMAX 3D, you enjoy it more than you should, but . . . isn't . . . that . . . why . . . they . . . have . . . IMAX? Don't hate.

Anyway, I have not been filled with my usual fire to be able to finish these Funky-posts, however, I have been filled with a new fire for my current summer vacation job.

You: Vacation Job?

Me: Yes

You: How can a job be a vacation?

Me. Glad you (I) asked me (you)!

What began as a leisurely summer has morphed into an opportunity to work as a rehearsal pianist for a new production of George Gershwin's Porgy & Bess, reimagined as a musical theater piece, and starring none other than Audra McDonald. The cast is ultra-talented and rehearsals are right in Times Square. It's been A MA ZING - the world is not ready for this. But alas - you'll have to be. Make sure you check it out! Not only will it be debuting in Cambridge in August, but it's going to BROADWAY IN DECEMBER!!!!

No, not necessarily me with it, but I'll leave myself open to whatever life has for me. Consequently, these are the continuing adventures of . . .

- Funkyman

It's Time! (2011 Edition)

2011-05-19T10:12:00.001-04:00

Hello Funkiphiles! I know I promised coverage of the Funkyman party last month, but there are just too many things going on in the world right now:

- I saw Talib Kweli in concert - AMAZING. Got to meet him too. More to come.
- Common is labeled a "misogynist, violent thug." Please don't get me started.
- Osama and Obama. I think I've heard the two names mistaken for each other by news commentators 20 times last week alone. i.e. "The death of Obama, I mean . . . Osama." Please don't get me started.
- A Connecticut high school student is banned from the prom because of a grandstanding act of romance that endangered and hurt no one, due to zero-tolerance policies at the school. Please don't get me started.
- The same school then retracts the ban and allows the kid to go ONLY after international outcry and attention on how RIDICULOUS some zero-tolerance policies are. OK, sorry I got started.

But the most important thing going on right now is obviously:

SUMMER MOVIES 2011 - Woo Hoo! Yes it's time! Here is Funkyman's guide to the biggest and most exciting movies coming out this summer, in my funk-pinion.

THOR (May 6) - Yes it's already out and it's AWESOME. No, it's not better than Iron Man or Spider-Man or Batman - but let's look at the achievement of taking a RIDICULOUS character like the Norse God of Thunder with a RIDICULOUS hat with wings on it, and making it work for 2 hours? Big props to Kenneth Branagh for making a WATCHABLE and FUN movie. It's not the best thing you've seen, but it's definitely worth seeing on the big screen. I had the time of my life. Definitely see it in 3-D.

PRIEST (May 13) - Let's see - a bald, cool priest running around killing demons and monsters - I'll be there. You had me at hello.

PIRATES OF THE CARRIBEAN: ON STRANGER TIDES (May 20) - Zzzzzzzzz. Zzzzzzzzzz. Zzzzzzzzzz. Hmmp, whuh? Oh, did you say something? Sorry, I was just having this awful dream about Jerry Bruckheimer making 13 quatrillion dollars off of bad CGI and Johnny Depp's overacting. WHATTT??????!!!!!!!! It wasn't a dream????

:-) I'm not a fan of the series but hey, they are the varsity class of Hollywood Summer Movies. Good luck to them and their millions.

HANGOVER 2 (May 26) - The Hangover is an epic comedy. I cannot wait to see this movie, even if it's not as good. Hopefully, it will be.

KUNG FU PANDA 2 (May 26) - Say what you will but Jack Black is HILARIOUS!!!! - even as a CGI Panda. There's no way this could be bad. Right?

X-MEN FIRST CLASS (June3) - Though I align my artistic persona with Superman, the truth is that The Uncanny X-Men was my favorite comic as a kid and I have a HUGE collection. I may have like 10 Superman comics, but I have hundreds of X-Men. That being said, when the first X-Men movie came out, I was very afraid it would stink. It didn't. It was quite true to the noir of the comic and the sequel was even better. Then came X-MEN 3 (Fail) and X-Men Origins: Wolverine (Fail). So, 2 good, 2 not-so-good, what lies in store on June 3? Hopefully the tie-breaker will be in the win category.

SUPER 8 (June 10) - Steven Spielberg and J.J. Abrams together for a film? I'll be there. You had me at "Super." What's the movie about? I don't care.

GREEN LANTERN (June 17) - It's comic-book movie time - Thor, Green Lantern, Captain America and let's not forget next summer's Avengers movie and the new (cue horns) SUPERMAN movie!!!! It's a good time to be alive . . . . if the movies rock. Here's to hoping Ryan Reynolds pulls this one off. It has potential both ways.

MR. POPPER'S PENGUINS (June 17) - Jim Carrey and 6 Penguins. OK, I know, but I can't think of one Jim Carrey movie I didn't think he was good in. Comment?

BAD TEACHER (June 24) - Cameron Diaz and Justin Timberlake in some weird Bad Santa meets Glee thing. Hmmm . . . . DVD rental anyone?

CARS 2 (June 24) - Pixar. Enough said.

TRANSFORMERS: DARK OF THE MOON (July 1) - Tranformers. Enough said. Yes, I know it's another Jerry Bruckheimer monstrosity, but hey, this is money well-spent. I could care less about the horrible story and acting if you give me effects like this. OK, yes I do care about a good story and good acting, but I'm trying to enjoy my popcorn and summer movie!!!! I'll complain about how bad it is after it's over like everyone else!

HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS Pt. 2 (July 15) - The last Harry Potter movie. Enough said. OK, not enough said. I've never been a fan of the Harry Potter series, but I have seen the movies and have been entertained. I tried to read the books but, sorry . . . good but overrated - don't hate me.

CAPTAIN AMERICA: THE FIRST AVENGER (July 22) - Of course people want to see this, but let's not forget that Captain America has NO supernatural powers (besides being very strong, fast, and good looking). People may be disappointed that CA's real power is his character and leadership - but we'll see if this translates to the screen. Oh yeah, you're right the shield is pretty cool . . . . if you like BOOMERANGS!!!!

COWBOYS AND ALIENS (July 29) - The title says it all. I'll be there.

SMURFS (July 29) - Why did it take so long to make a Smurfs movie anyway? This was the single most successful Saturday morning cartoon in history. Remember (those of you old enough) when it would be on for like 2 hours EVERY Saturday? Let's see if the movie gets it right.

THE CHANGE-UP (August 5) - We have seen these movies before - Freaky Friday, Like Father Like Son, Vice Versa - some magical spell makes people switch bodies and they work out their problems and figure out a way to get back. What is the history for this style of movie? It always yields funny results, but I've often wondered why Hollywood continues to revive the same theme over and over. This has been done successfully. Even though it is Jason Bateman and Ryan Reynolds - two great actors and personalities, this is SUCH A RENTAL.

THE DARKEST HOUR (August 5) - In Russia, a group of kids try to survive after an alien invasion. One ticket please.

RISE OF THE APES (August 5) - Another Planet of the Apes installment. I consider the original Planet of the Apes to be one of the top ten sci-fi movies in history. There have been 3 sequels and remake, all which have failed to capture the genius and glory of the first. How will this one fare? I think I'll wait for Rotten Tomatoes on this one.

DON'T BE AFRAID OF THE DARK (August 12) - Finally a HORROR MOVIE!!! Let's see, little goblins come out of the basement to terrorize a young girl. Yeah, I'll be there.

CONAN THE BARBARIAN (August 19) - Arnold Schwarnegger became a Hollywood lead with this role back in the 80's. Then he went on to be Governor of California. And now . . . Oh Arnold. Well, you wanted to be part of the Kennedy legacy - Congratulations - you fit right in now! Anyway, if done incorrectly, Conan is ridiculously silly and I am praying that they find a way to make it cool. My fingers are crossed.

FRIGHT NIGHT (August 16) - Another horror movie - another remake. The original Fright Night is a SCARY movie. No, really. I vividly remember regretting I chose to watch that movie. I so wanted my mommy. Here's hoping for success with this one.

FINAL DESTINATION 5 (August 26) - Zzzzzzzzz. Zzzzzzzzz. Zzzzzzzzz. Hmp, huh, whuh? Final what? You woke me up for that?!! Zzzzzzzz. Zzzzzzzzz. Seriously is this the dumbest idea for a movie ever? You cheat death but death comes to GETCHA! LOL! I have to write a blog about that.

See you at the movies!

- Funkyman

Sequicentennial

2011-05-11T07:33:00.004-04:00

(Cue horns)

Ladies and Gentleman! . . . The most exciting blog site you've ever witnessed . . . appearing live . . .

Funk E Man and the Ad Ven Turrrrrrrreeeeeeessssss!

Slick Rick: "Excuse me Funk E Man . . ."

Me: "Yes"

Slick Rick: "Have you ever seen a blog with a fella on the type with one minute jokes that don't come out right? They bite."

Me: "They never write."

SR: "That's not polite. Am I lyin'?"

Me: "No, you're quite right."

SR: "Well tonight on this very screen you're about to see"

Us: "We swear the best darn blogger of the year."

SR: So

Me: So

SR: Cheerio!

Me: Yell

SR: Scream

Me: Bravo! Also, if you didn't know this is called

THE ADVENTURES OF FUNKYMAN 150th ENTRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Confused by the title? OK, so a sequicentennial is celebrating an anniversary of 150 years, but since A. no one will ever experience that for real, and B. there's no word for the 150th anything EXCEPT anniversaries . . . just roll with it. :-)

Yes, it's finally here! Welcome to the show everyone. In January of 2006, I sat down at a computer with the intention of keeping a daily journal . . . . which turned into a weekly one . . . . which turned into 3 times a month . . . . . which turned into the Adventures of Funkyman as we know it. If you've been with me for the entire journey, imagine me over here blowing a party horn just for you! Woo hoo!

If you are new the Adventures of Funkyman - welcome, right welcome. I am a lot of things: a father, a husband, a teacher, a director, a composer, a musician, a singer, a rapper, a producer, and yes, a writer - BUT - none of those things mean anything if I am not grounded in who I really am - a person. Yes that sounds silly, but I truly believe that in order to appreciate any of the above mentioned things, you must understand what it takes to be a human being. Thank you to one of my professors from college for teaching me that lesson - Thomas Stumpf - who said: "Work on being a good person, then a good musician, then a good pianist - in that order." Even though I was young, I understood what he meant and was grateful he said it. I've never forgotten it, and it has laced my life with wisdom and truth. I can honestly say that I could die tomorrow and would rejoice in having had led an amazing life. However, that is not my plan!

I'm here to celebrate - again - because this has been a year of celebration. My loyal readers know that I recently turned 40, I released a new CD, and I had a great party for both in April. The next blog entry will be about the party, but today, I must celebrate this momentous occasion on writing the blog itself.

What is the inspiration for the Adventures of Funkyman? Well of course, there are several, but I have to credit Lewis Thomas.

You: Who?

Me: Lewis Thomas

You: I heard you the first time. Who?

Lewis Thomas was a biologist who wrote a series of essays that he collected into a book called The Lives of a Cell. If Lewis Thomas had access to the internet (or a computer at all), he would have been a blogger. It's a great book for short attention span people, like say . . . Americans . . . because each entry is only a few pages long, a la a blog entry. His perspective on life, the world, and the people who live on it pretty much blew me away, as the "Cell" he mentions in the title is Earth. Earth is a living entity - a very large cell.

Anyway, as I read that book at age 18, I began to write down my thoughts in the same style - essays that comment on myself as well as the world around me. I stopped doing that long ago, but the internet and the success of online journals inspired me to pick it up again and . . . c'est VOILA.

There are several essays in that book by Lewis Thomas, but I certainly had favorites. You might wonder that I may have favorite entries to my own blog.

You: Well, actually yes, do you have favorite entries?

Me: How dare you!!! I love all of my children equally!

You: I don't know. I really liked your definition of corny and cheesy.

Me: OK, Corny vs. Chessy was good, but still that's not right to ask a father to choose favorites. Does God play favorites with us?

You: Well in the Bible, Jacob loved Joseph more, Jesus clearly had a special relationship with Peter, and in the parable of the Prodigal Son . . .

Me: ENOUGH!!!! OK, goodness I do have favorites! Are you happy now?

You: yes

Well Funktonians, here you are. My 10 favorite blog entries, and links in case you missed them.

Sleeping 101 - My guide to how to fall asleep in class successfully

Corny vs. Cheesy - The official definition courtesy of Funkyman (3rd most popular entry on site)

Lying to Your Children - Breaking down the 3 most common untruths adults teach our children

My Least Favorite Holiday - Exactly what is Christmas?

Four Silly Words - Defining isms

Crisis - Appreciate your life

It - Do you have what it takes to "make it"?

My Best Story - Simply stated - the craziest thing that ever happened to me

Show and Tell - Me - The funniest thing that ever happened to me

Fatal Atraction - Perspective on why people cheat

Peace, love, and funk to everyone. See you next time at 151!

- Funkyman

Race to Somewhere

2011-04-26T14:44:00.002-04:00

Hello Funkiticians,

I do tend to write a bit about race. I do not have a chip on my shoulder, but fortunately for me, I don't have to. Because of what I do for a living - working in the arts and in church, I am surrounded by the issue every day, and personally I believe that the only way it's not an issue you think about is if you ignore it. Which begs the question . . .

Is ignoring it exactly what we should be doing?

The ideal world for most people is one in which race is not an issue. Where people are "not judged by the color of the skin, but the content of their character." Thank you Martin. Unfortunately, Martin was taken from us before he told us how to achieve this best.

So,

Should I walk in this life and achieve the ideal world by treating people as if it already exists?

OR

Are those actions actually ignoring the reality of the past and present without acknowledging injustice and inequity and allowing the problems to both persist and possibly worsen?

I'll wait . . .

EXACTLY - you don't know either.

You: Why is this on your mind today, Funkyman?

Me: I'm so glad you asked.

On Saturday night, I attended a concert at the House of Blues - Rhymesayers Family Tour, with Atmosphere as the headlining act. Atmosphere has been around for about 15 years and is fronted by a rapper named Slug. I got to meet him before the concert, picture above. Slug happens to be bi-racial. That's not particularly important, but what is interesting is that for a rap concert, I was the only African-American person I could see. I didn't expect that. I have been following this group with their music and online for years, but never thought of them as anything but hip-hop.

Is hip-hop segregated? This is a revelation to me!

Yes, I well know the origins and history of the genre - it's in my blood and was born in my lifetime. Yes, I've seen the racial shift from the 80's when rap became the new rebel-rock and kids of all colors began to adopt it as the new edge. But, I really didn't believe that a rap concert in 2011 would have an all-white audience or an all-black audience. I thought it was more universal. Maybe I just need to get out more. Those of you more experienced concert-goers, riddle me this? Is this your experience too?

I saw the Black Eyed Peas in concert last year and this was not the case - very diverse audience. But many also will argue that the Black Eyed Peas are not hip-hop anymore, and I would have to agree.

Tonight, I'm going to see Talib Kweli in concert - one of the best rappers alive of any color (he's African American BTW)- and we'll see if what I experienced on Saturday night was a fluke or a reality-check.

Either way, it doesn't matter to me if the artist or the crowd is black or white - when music is on - we become one.

I wasn't the only black guy at the Atmosphere concert - I was one of 900 people. It was awesome.

Let's try and do that when the music's off too.

- Funkyman

P.S. - The Adventures of Funkyman CD Release was dynamite! Thank you to all for your love and support. I will make my next blog entry about that! The CD is now available on iTunes! Just click below. More info coming!

On Purpose

2011-04-12T09:02:00.005-04:00

Hello Funkstrians!

Ever since Spring Break has been over, it has been a whirlwind in the life of Funkyman. Besides preparing for my CD release and party on April 17 (SO CLOSE!), this is the busiest time of year due to concerts and end-of-the-year stuff for schools, and it could drive someone over the edge.

It COULD drive someone over. But not me.

You see, I am fortunate to have something in my life that most of us search for our whole lives - purpose.

Outside of loving my Creator, I don't know what my ultimate purpose is, so my search continues - but I do know my short-term ones:

Father
Husband
Teacher
Director
Composer
Musician

. . . in that order.

I believe that the reason I'm so busy is not because I'm a workaholic. I'm not busy because working is what I'm doing. It's because what I'm doing is working. :-)

Here's what April looks like for Funkyman.

April 9 - REJOICE!
For 10 years, high schools across Massachusetts have come together for a day of singing and sharing Gospel music. Created in 2002 by Geoff O'Hara, the REJOICE! Gospel Workshop consists of an afternoon of workshops lead by choir directors, and a coming together of the choirs from the different schools to form one large choir. We learn the songs that day and perform them in concert that night. This year's event was held at Tufts University, and it was a huge success! Looking forward to next year already!

April 11 - Dana Hall Chamber Singers at Fenway
We're back! For the 5th year in a row, we've been invited to sing the National Anthem before a Red Sox game. For 4 years, the Red Sox have won the game we sang at! Obviously, however, there is no correlation to our presence and the Red Sox's performance (16-5 loss last night - OUCH!)

April 15 - American Cancer Society Relay for Life
Tufts Third Day Gospel Choir will sing at the kickoff celebration for Relay for Life directly following our rehearsal on Friday. A good cause, and a great reason to sing and celebrate with gospel music.

April 16 - Tufts Third Day Spring Concert
Want to see/hear 225 voices rocking the stage? 8 p.m. - Cohen Auditorium, Aidekman Arts Center. The theme is GOD IS GOOD.

April 17 - THE ADVENTURES OF FUNKYMAN CD RELEASE PARTY/CONCERT
It's finally here. Oberon - 2 Arrow St., Cambridge, MA - 6:30 p.m. If you're planning to attend and have NOT RSVP'd - let me know!

April 29 - Dana Hall School Spring Concert
The one event where every ensemble at the school come together for an evening of music - more than 200 students. It's epic.

This list does not include speaking engagements or admissions events (Chamber Singers have 6 separate performances this month alone) - but you get the idea.

I don't even have a lot of time to write this week because I'm behind in e-mails. Gotta go and catch up.

But hey, don't think I'm in this predicament because I don't know how to organize or how to figure out what to do with my time.

I did it . . . on purpose.

- Funkyman

Miracles

2011-03-29T22:04:00.005-04:00

Hello Funkipeans,

I am glad to be writing you from the comfort of Study Hall back here in America, whereas only two weeks ago, I was on a concert tour in Austria with the Dana Hall Chamber Singers. We had a very successful tour which was made even better by the fact that I celebrated my 40th birthday while visiting the town of Salzburg, the birthplace of Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart.

Why is Mozart my favorite composer? Well, if you are familiar with him or any of his music, you'll know that's a silly question because Mozart is probably the most beloved composer in the history of the world, so the fact that he's my favorite is not a big deal. However, music aside, I think that Mozart is such an astonishing figure because he represents something that we all either admire or are intrigued by - miracles.

Do miracles happen? Is the fact that Mozart was the genius of geniuses - seemingly born with a God-given ability to understand, perform, and produce music before he had even begun learning to read - nothing more than a scientific anomaly? Perhaps, but regardless where your faith lies, IT'S PRETTY INCREDIBLE EITHER WAY. And that's why we love to just be around his world - whether lost in the melodies of one of his operas, or standing in the streets where he walked and lived. We love to be around greatness.

As do I. The Chamber Singers and I were blessed to stand in the presence of greatness for one week.

We . . .

- visited palaces of Emperors (the palaces were great, not the men calling themselves emperors!)
- walked the streets of Salzburg and Vienna
- stood in the room where Mozart was born
- visited the birthplace of Schubert
- stood in the room where Mahler composed his 3rd Symphony
- sang in the Marble Hall of St. Florian monastery (musical home and final resting place of Bruckner)
- sang in the Haydnsaal - the concert hall of Franz Joseph Haydn at the Esterhazy Palace
- sang a concert with the Eisenstadt School Chorus (they sang Michael Jackson and gospel music for us, and we sang Mozart's Requiem for them!)

We also both grew closer as an ensemble, and my family was there for the trip as well. What more could I ask for to celebrate life? My students, my family, my favorite composer, my music? Yes, we sang a couple of Funkyman originals - "The Call" and "Same Ol' Blues." But the real big hit was the one gospel song we did - "You Blessed Me" by John P. Kee.

Our program included everything from Franck, Mozart, and Schubert to West Side Story, Spring Awakening, and Dreamgirls to Billy Joel, Eurythmics, and Josh Groban to Gershwin, Coleman, and gospel. The audiences loved everything we sang, but they couldn't wait to get out of their seats and have an excuse to clap their hands and move! One audience made us sing it twice! We were happy to oblige.

Thank you to the parents of my students and for our donors for making this possible. Thank you to the Austrian people for showing us amazing hospitality. Thank you to Daniel Ross, our tour guide ("Wakey, wakey" and "Double Vow Wow" to you!). Thank you to Claudia, our concert organizer. Thank you to Encore tours of ACIS . . .

I've used other touring companies before, but this was by far the most organized and well-supported tour I've ever experienced. Having both a tour guide as well as a concert organizer ensuring all of our needs were met was something I hadn't seen before, and it made a huge difference. All 17 of my students had the time of their lives. They represented their country, their school, their families, themselves, and me so well. I am very proud. They embodied the essence of my teaching philosophy - to be excellent, you must have fun. To have fun, you must be excellent. They worked hard, and reaped the benefits of their labor.

The Chamber Singers also represented well the reason we were there - music. Through this common language, people from across the globe came together to share, learn, and love one another. We grew close to all of our audiences, and hopefully they left better than they came. I know we did. That is more than inspiration. That's elevation.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is a miracle.

Submitted for your approval,

- Funkyman

P.S. - Here are two videos of us singing in the Marble Hall at St. Florian's Monastery in Linz, Austria (4-second reverb!) and the Pfarrkirche Church in Salzburg, Austria.

In My (Short) Life

2011-03-08T11:07:00.003-05:00

Hello Funkyville,

When I was 12, I had a difficult time imagining what it would be like to be 21.

When I was 21, I had a difficult time imagining what it would be like to be 40.

As I turn 40, I am having a difficult time imagining what I was ever imagining about. I'm still the same person. Yes, I've been through some changes, some setbacks, and some growth. But the things that make me David Freeman Coleman - my sense of humor, my love of music, my love for people, my desire to be loved, my "obsession" with the supernatural (both real and perceived) - will never change. They make me . . . me. And no matter what age I'll turn, those things always feel the same.

This Sunday, March 13, 2011, Funkyman will be 40. It's a fantastic milestone in one's life, and anyone older than 40 will tell you, 40 is the new 30. Bottom line is - life is short. Live it. Tell your story. And since this is the Adventures of Funkyman - for the first time - like sands through the hourglass - here are the major milestones that have made up the fabric of my life.

BIRTH
I was born on Saturday, March 13 in 1971. My mother recounts that she was told she was having twins because she was carrying so large. You know it's not frightening how little doctors know, it's frightening that they make judgments and inform patients despite how little they know - but that's for another blog post. I digress.

Obviously, I wasn't twins. Either the doctors were wrong, or I ate my twin! Right!? Crazy.

Hmmm . . . let me think about that . . . then again . . . actually yes, that would explain a lot.

CHURCH
Anyway, my father, who due to hospital rules back then was not allowed to see the birth of my older brother, was allowed to see mine. He recounted that he was so moved by watching me be born that he decided to pay God back by joining a church and attending regularly. My parents joined St. Thomas Church in Memphis, Tennessee, and my Catholicism was born.

Though I am not a practicing Catholic, I certainly claim it as part of my identity. It was both the foundation for my personal relationship with God as well as the driving force that made me want to leave the Church forever. Fortunately, I learned not to equate the Church with God. Since we are the Church, you can't leave it. Hypocrisy doesn't reflect on God, it reflects on Man. The name of my ministry group, Confirmation, is based on this revelation. But, I digress. Anyway, my first role models were priests, and until age 16, I wanted to be one. Thanks Father Jim and Father Lenny for being great examples of love.

EDUCATION
That church was partnered with a K-8 school - Father Bertrand Elementary. After attending Montessori School, I skipped Kindergarten and entered the 1st grade at 5 years, 4 months old - relegating me to be the youngest person in my class for the rest of my school career. I stayed in Catholic schools from grades 1-12, attending Christian Brothers High School. I turned 17 in March of my senior year, which means I was 16 when I got accepted into college in December of 1987 - Boston University. Ah, glory days.

I've had a diverse education. Father Bertrand was 100% African-American students and African-American history was infused into the curriculum of every subject. Christian Brothers High School was 95% Caucasian students and an all boys' school. Boston University represented over 100 countries in their student body. My best friends to this day are Filipino and Jewish (separately) - this would not have occurred in Memphis. Moral to the story - leave home. No, really . . . RUN! Seriously, if you live somewhere that does not have a diverse community, then you owe it to yourself to experience other cultures and perspectives. It is through education that we learn how to truly love one another. But I digress.

MUSIC
I chose BU because of my experience one summer at the Tanglewood Institute of Music. I studied piano from age 6, and had a piano lesson every week for 15 years. When I was 15 years old, I was accepted to the piano program at BU Tanglewood Institute, and I finally decided that music would be my life's main pursuit.

In my first week at Tanglewood, I hung out with the other piano majors, and all we did was talk about music. When I hung out with the composers, they NEVER talked about music. I found myself hanging out with them more. I laughed more, I learned more, and I found people to talk about my obsession with the X-Men. It's no mistake that after my 2nd year of college, though I had been accepted as a piano major, I switched to composition. It was a more diverse way of expressing myself. Let's face it, it's hard to comment on the state of the world with a Clementi Sonatina. I liked BU because I had the opportunities to study other subjects outside of music (like English and . . . you guessed it - writing!). You see music was always important to me, but not as important as . . .

FAMILY
In my senior year of college, I met a young woman who was participating in a concert I was doing. She was reading poetry for an orginal composition, and I was performing my piano/violin Sonata con-Fusion. We met again a few months later after I graduated, and I became the director of the BU gospel choir. She was a member of the choir, and I had a strict policy about not dating choir members. Well, not so strict . . .

Yes, I married that girl from the concert and FORMER member of my choir. I didn't even see it coming. We were supposed to be working on a project together, a drama set to music, which turned into lunch, which turned into dinner, which turned into the rest of my life. My wife, Fadie Thomas Coleman and our daughter, Aimée Fadie Coleman have turned my life into a drama set to music.

We will be celebrating my 40th birthday this Sunday in the homeland of my favorite composer, Mozart. We'll be in Austria with the Chamber Singers from the Dana Hall School as we embark on a concert tour for one week, visiting both Salzburg and Vienna. I'm sure I'll have plenty to write about that adventure when we return.

So, no posts for two weeks Funkyville. I look forward to writing again, but I'm looking even more forward to . . .

APRIL 17 - THE ADVENTURES OF FUNKYMAN - THE CONCERT - THE CD - THE CELEBRATION
CLUB OBERON
2 ARROW ST.
CAMBRIDGE, MA
6:30 PM

IT'S GOING DOWN!!!!

- Funkyman

First

2011-03-01T09:35:00.006-05:00

I have written about lots of things over the last 5 years (Anniversary of TAOF was in January!), but I rarely credit the reason I'm able to live with the perspective I have. The truth is that I am an example of education applied - not only my education, but those before me. Thank God for our forefathers and mothers who paved the way for us to pontificate and theorize at length about life and the world in an environment where we can share with others, debate, and not be harmed for our opinions or faiths. Generally, I can be grateful to countless millions who made this possible. Specifically, I can thank my parents.

Black History month is officially over, but as I wrote in an earlier post, it kind of never stops. That picture that you see above is for an exhibit at the Pink Palace Museum in Memphis, Tennessee honoring African-Americans of history, and that woman in the judge robe is none other than my mother - Veronica Coleman-Davis. Yup . . . my mom - black history.

My mother has led an exceptional life - the daughter of an insurance pioneer who spent her childhood having access to opportunities most minorities could not - traveling Europe, living in Ghana, and attending boarding school. She attended Howard University in the 1960's where she met my father, and after settling down in Memphis as he prepared to begin dental practice, she realized she was living in a part of the world she hadn't seen - the Deep South - where institutionalized racism and discrimination were impossible to ignore.

Upon learning that there were no African American public defenders in Memphis (and few women), my mother - with two children, a 3-year and a 1-year old (Funkyman!) - decided to attend law school. The rest is history:

1975 - First full-time African-American woman Public Defender in Memphis
1977 - Founder of first all-female law firm in Tennessee
1980 - First African-American woman assistant DA in Tennessee
1985 - Counsel to the President of Memphis State University
1988 - Senior Attorney for Federal Express Corporation
1990 - First African-American woman Juvenile Court judge in Tennessee
1993 - First African-American US Attorney for Tennessee, (Janet Reno Attorney General, Clinton administration)
2001 - Founder and CEO of The NILE (National Institute for Law and Equity)

As you can imagine, my mother is a hard-worker. She would have to be in the field she not only survived but in many ways, conquered. When I was a kid, I would visit my mother at the court house when she worked in the District Attorney's office as a prosecutor. The bailiffs and cops called her "The Terminator". When she served as a Juvenile Court referee, you would not want to be a deadbeat dad and walk into her court over unpaid child support. You just might find yourself in jail.

Did I mention my mother is a 2nd degree black belt in karate?

You might think growing up with a tough mom was different. It wasn't - it was BIZARRE! I used to like to tease my mom and say, "Dag mom, leave something for someone else to achieve" - or even worse - "Mom, could you please get back in the kitchen and do some dishes or something. I'm tired of all of this equality!" Then she would just drop me to the floor with a swipe-kick and remind me who was in charge. "Yes mom, I'll do the dishes. Dag!"

But seriously, what big shoes to fill. My mother exudes excellence. My mother commands something that every man wishes he could - respect. I could never imagine someone disrespecting my mother, and even if someone did, I couldn't imagine them living to tell about it.

She has and continues to be an example for young people everywhere that doors can be opened, and sometimes even knocked down - education is power. Being the first of anything is significant, but it's even more important that there be countless to follow.

Yes, my mother has been the first of many things for many people. For me, she's my only.

So proud of you, mommy.

- Funkyman

P.S. - The Pink Palace Museum exhibit featuring my mother can be seen in part by clicking here. Look in the upper right hand corner for a picture of a newspaper clip - you'll see a young Funkyman standing behind his mom!

Hello Funkistinians,

I got into an argument with some of my colleagues today.

O.K. they weren't exactly my colleagues.

O.K. they were my students.

O.K. they were 6th graders!!! What's your point? ANYWAY!

The argument centered around the definition of what pop music is. I am amazed at how history is rewritten by the miseducation of our youth. It's no wonder we don't appreciate healthy eating, good acting, good singing, or anything else impirically awesome until we're adults and we've taught ourselves what so many before us already knew: that when you're a kid - your perspective is OFF.

I didn't want to believe this when I was a kid either, of course. When I was younger, I actually thought Voltron was a cartoon intended for adults, but I was mature enough to appreciate it. I actually thought the Dukes of Hazzard was a brilliant metaphor for the fall of American democracy (it wasn't). I actually thought that Knight Rider was the coolest show ever and well . . . look at it now. Cornball Central.

It's funny how when we grow up, we look back on things we thought were so cool and now to us they seem ridiculous. How many of you ladies out there idolized New Kids on the Block, bearing the derision of your parents and the haters, just to grow up and look back to say, "what was I thinking?" It's an old tale.

However, (here comes my adult moment . . . wait for it . . . wait for it . . . ) THESE KIDS TODAY . . . ! Back to the 6th Grade argument.

I asked my students to make a list of songs they would like to work on and possibly perform. I left the door wide open to most any suggestion (as long as it was appropriate). What I got back was not a surprise - a list of hundreds of pop songs.

I love pop music. I teach pop music. However, when I started naming some of the pop songs, they got upset.

Me: "O.K. Another request for pop star Taylor Swift."

Swift Fan: "SHE'S NOT POP!!! SHE'S COUNTRY!!!"

Me: "O.K., the 3,235th request for a Justin Bieber song."

Bieber Fan: "I DON'T LIKE THE WAY YOU SAY HIS NAME."

Me: "O.K., interesting - a request for a James Taylor song."

JT Fan: "YEAH, AND HE'S NOT POP."

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, may I submit that all of the above artists, while they do sing different styles of songs, are ALL POPULAR ARTISTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Don't get me wrong, I understand the distinction they're trying to make - POP refers to boy bands, and electronic music on KISS 108FM, and songs that are in the top of the charts. We love to label our music - Alternative (what a joke), Punk (debatable these days), Emo (really?), Trip-Hop, Hardcore, Grunge, Garage, Pop-Rock, Gangsta, Conscious, R&B, Soul, Neo-Soul, etc. etc. etc. ALL TO AVOID THE ONE LABEL THAT NO ONE WANTS TO BE AFFILIATED WITH - the one that seems to have become a bad word in music:

Pop

Snobs would like to define pop music as identifiable simple melodies, very catchy lyrics, meant to capture the imagination and tastes of a multitude of people.

However, "pop" is short for "popular." Popular is a reference to people. In other words, any music made for the people to appreciate is popular - yes even Classical music. I mean, let's face it, some Classical music isn't very difficult and is very catchy, meant to capture the imagination and taste of lots of people. Beethoven's "Ode to Joy" is about as pop as it gets. The entirety of the 9th Symphony - not so much - and in there lies the distinction.

I would never regard the complete work of Beethoven as "pop music." It's more than that. However, I also would never say that pop music is not a part of his work.

Some artists write music for themselves - regardless of what the public would think - and sometimes end up being never discovered. That ain't pop.

Some artists write music for themselves - regardless of what the public would think - and end up being loved by countless masses anyway. That ain't pop either.

However, if you're an artist who writes music and you do regard what the public thinks (and that's EVERYONE ON THE RADIO), regardless of whether they love you back or not, you're pop. When you put your art and soul on the line (like that? "art and soul" - I made that up!), and you require a reaction from people, it makes you an artist for people, not just for you. That to me is the true definition of a popular artist. This is not a bad thing at all.

And I also believe it's the fabric of the magic of life. When we share with one another, something indescribable occurs, and it only happens with each other - not when we're alone. We need each other in order to experience the beauty of not just art, but life.

Making art is a compulsion.

Sharing art is a scary risk.

Enjoying art is magic. Without the people listening, there's no magic.

So if we're listening, and the artist cares (they must care if they're on TV and selling me their records!), then they are popular artists, or "pop stars" for short. Sorry 6th grade - you all like pop music. But don't worry, you're in good company.

Viva La Pop!

- Funkyman

P.S. - not a Bieber fan, but not a hater either!

Showers of Blessing

2011-02-13T22:39:00.004-05:00

The files below are being posted for the members of the New England Conservatory Millennium Choir who have two big concerts this upcoming weekend - Saturday, February 19 at 7 p.m. and Sunday, February 20 at 3 p.m. - both in Jordan Hall at the Conservatory.

They are learning a song I composed called "Showers of Blessing" and it's no easy feat to remember all of the words. I hope these files aid in the process! Lyrics are below as well. I apologize in advance for the lousy singing, but you'll get the idea!

Sopranos - click here

Altos - click here

Tenors/Baritones - click here

For the complete song - click here

"Showers of Blessing"
David F. Coleman, (c) 2008

Verse 1 (Sopranos and Altos)
Morning has come, I see the sun arise.
The night has passed and now at last
The wait is over, (the wait is over)
I made it over. (I made it over)
The time has come. Tell everyone
The harvesting has already begun.

Chorus 1
I feel showers of blessing falling on me,
Spirit manifesting all around me.
Everything I see is confirmation reassuring me
there shall be showers of blessing.

Verse 2
I must profess I know I’m blessed to be
Alive today. I’ve come to say
Amazing grace (how sweet the sound)
That saved a wretch (like me)
I once was lost but now I’m found
I once was blind but now I see and shout

Chorus 2
I feel showers of blessing falling on me,
Spirit manifesting all around me.
Everything I see is confirmation reassuring me
there shall be showers of blessing.

Bridge
Let the redeemed of the Lord say so
He has heard our cries, and now the rain flows

Let it fall, let it fall, let it fall on me
(6x)

The time has come. Tell everyone
The battle is over, the victory is won!

Chorus 3
I feel showers of blessing falling on me,
Spirit manifesting all around me.
Everything I see is confirmation reassuring me
The promises He told me of, the floodgates pouring from above
The blind shall see, the lame shall walk
The deaf shall hear, the mute shall talk
Every knee shall bow, every tongue confess
Of His mercy and His Holiness
And one day He will crack the sky
And all creation will reply
With Glory Hallelujah! Sing to
Our Lord, our Savior, and our King!

There shall be showers of blessing!
There shall be showers of blessing!
There shall be showers of blessing!
Let it fall, let it fall, let it fall on me
Let it fall, let it fall, let it fall on me
Let it fall, let it fall, let it fall on me

Showers of blessing

Role Models

2011-02-08T10:39:00.006-05:00

Hello Funktrolites,

Q: How many different races of people are there in the world?
A: One - Human

Before I finished college I had a strong desire to join the Peace Corps. The idea of devoting myself to making the world a better place was overwhelmingly attractive to me. However, the biggest piece of advice I got was "David, there are problems right here in this city that could use your energy and attention." And they were right. While going to foreign countries to help is an amazing service, I was ignoring what was happening in my own backyard. I should finish school first so I can be a benefit to others then. Right? So I waited.

I finished college, started working full-time, and did service here and there, but not really that much. That's when I found out about being a mentor. Big Brother was a program that I had heard of but to be honest, felt I wouldn't do well at because I still had a lot of issues to deal with myself concerning my parents' recent divorce. I was moody and I didn't want a kid to have to deal with that. Right? So I waited.

About 5 years later, I was spending some time with a young cousin, who was 7 years old. He didn't live with his Dad and rarely saw him. One day while we were in the car, he was particularly very quiet and pensive. He broke the silence and said, "You're lucky." I said, "Why?" He said, "You live with your father."

That's when I became a Big Brother.

I called Big Brothers of Massachusetts Bay and asked about volunteering. When I had my interview, they were SO happy to see me. I asked why they were so glad, and they told me three startling statistics:

1. 90% of the boys that want Big Brothers are Black or Latino.
2. 90% of Big Brothers are Caucasian.
3. There are three times as many kids needing mentors than there are volunteers.

We are indeed only one race - human. However, if that's true, why do we allow our children to fail? This is where that other element we call "race" begins to stink. Taking ownership of my heritage, this means that my people are suffering from being fatherless, and those of us that could be volunteering to help - aren't. God bless all of the men that were volunteering, and yes BB was happy to match any child with any mentor, but the ability to match an African-American boy with an African-American man was a special occasion. Besides, some African-American man/father clearly had not been present in that child's life. Now someone would be.

One day, while spending time with my "little" brother, I asked him how school was. We decided to do homework together. And that's when I learned the scariest truth about the plight of young people. This kid was in the 7th grade and could barely add. He was struggling with the concepts of simple math. I got upset and frustrated and asked him, "How do you make it to 7th grade and not know this?" He just shrugged his shoulders and said, "I don't know. They just let me pass."

Q: What's worse than a bunch of young men not graduating from high school?
A: A generation actually graduating and yet not having an education.

Ladies and gentlemen, it's not just that kids are failing out of school, they're not being taught and being passed through the system regardless. I wanted to go down to the school and burn it down. But I decided to look that young man in the eye and say, "You need to know this. You can do it." That young man, Chris, graduated from high school years later, and I was glad to know that his future had not been ruined by teachers who did not care.

This is only one story of millions that happen each day when someone takes a few minutes to spend time to care about someone else. Children need role models. They certainly aren't going to get great ones from popular culture, and even if they did, they can't interact and talk to them directly. I wish I could have done more, and I still have the desire to serve and to share. In fact, I think I just did.

- Funkyman

P.S. - Here is the song "John Henry" that I wrote in 2001 about my experience as a Big Brother. Enjoy!

Words of Power

2011-02-02T00:06:00.004-05:00

Hello Funkrican-Americans,

As we enter February, I am reminded of a common question I've been asked my entire life: "Why do we need Black History Month?" My usual illustration to help them understand is this: "Why did we need to march and fight for Civil Rights in America when the Declaration of Independence, written over 200 years ago, already states the ideal that all men are created equal?" The answer is that in order for an ideal to survive, people have to be actively teaching and sharing and not ignoring some of the darker truths about what it means to be human. The reason the words of the Declaration didn't settle it for human beings is because one of the things that makes us human is prejudice.

Prejudice is defined as "preconceived judgment or opinion." We are all capable of it, and that is natural. However, fighting prejudice is also natural. All of the advances we have made as a people have been because we have faced our dual nature - the ability to do wrong and the ability to fight it. The problem we face daily is that even though one may have knowledge of prejudice as a concept, it is difficult to recognize and label in our own lives, whether personally or in our family and friends. Even if we do see it happening, we don't want to admit that our social circle could be part of something that has been universally taught as evil. Therefore, it is allowed to exist, grow, and permeate our society right under our very noses. We stand against the concept of prejudice, without moving forward, away from its presence. We stand, but we stand still.

One of the things that consistently aids in the prejudice against African-Americans is the daily use of the "n-word." I do not subscribe to the belief that "nigger" is just a word. I have heard the theory from both blacks and non-blacks alike that if we allow it to offend us, we give it power. Well, words are only a vessel for thoughts, intentions, and actions. What are the thoughts, intentions, and actions behind the n-word? Well, they're not good. Feel free to look up the history of the word, and you will find its derivation (niger - "black"), its original meaning ("ignorant person"), and its use as the single most powerful and offensive slur in the history of the English language. So going around saying it all the time does not cheapen its power either.

We have watched two generations of African-American actors, comedians, and musicians use the word so freely that it has confused millions of non-blacks as to whether it is indeed inappropriate. Anyone close to me knows that I am a huge fan of Hip-Hop music. They also know that I abhor the negative images portrayed in the music, and the frequent use of the inflammatory words that have become so common in the culture. That is why I listen to and champion Hip-Hop artists that choose not to do this. They're out there, you just have to pay attention and not just blindly accept that the mainstream offers the only set of viewpoints that exist. No disrespect to N.W.A., but 20 years ago, when EFIL4ZAGGIN (read it backwards) went straight to #2 in its first week, I knew something was turning the other way. Actors and comedians are outspoken about their right to use the word freely without social criticism. I completely support the rights of Americans to have free speech. However, I was taught by my teachers, my parents, and countless role models that words have power. We cannot fully appreciate the gift of free speech without recognizing this truth.

I would love to live in a world that is color-blind, and I would love to be treated as an individual without bias of prejudice. However, since that world did not exist for my parents, I cannot pretend I now live in a world where that ideal will happen just because I desire it. I have to teach and share the history - the good and the bad - in order to build on the foundation laid by our forefathers. This must be done with intelligence and sensitivity. This is America. We have the right to say words. But in order for future generations to get the whole story, I would like to see the history of the n-word taught as something that was used to cause unmeasurable damage, and not dismissed as "come on, it's just a word - get over it." Let's say the word and teach, not use the word liberally and forget.

Black History Month is a great opportunity to teach and share history. It is a great opportunity to fight prejudice and the effects of ignored prejudice. It is a great opportunity to help us not to forget. Want to see the end of race as an issue in America? So do I - one step at a time, with intelligence and sensitivity. I am an African-American man, the son of two college-educated parents, and the grandson of four college-educated grandparents. What a fool I would be to ignore the victory that is my life because of the fighting done for me long before I was born? Even when Black History Month will no longer be needed to be recognized, and the contributions of African-Americans are fully realized into American History, I will still celebrate and remember - so that I will remain conscious of the prejudice that I am still capable of today and my human resolve to fight it.

Martin Luther King, Jr. said that "History will have to record that the greatest tragedy of this period of social transition was not the strident clamor of the bad people, but the appalling silence of the good people." Powerful words indeed.

30 Years Ago - Wow

2011-01-25T20:46:00.002-05:00

Ah . . . the 1980's.

If you weren't alive during the 80's, surely you look upon that time with admiration and interest, wondering "what was it like to live through that?"

If you were alive during the 80's, . . . well . . . I'm . . . I'm sorry. We could have stopped it, but no one said ANYTHING. SILENCE IS DEATH!!!!!!

The culture of the 1980s was as varied and diverse as its music. Fashion was wild and experimental, and trends changed faster than you could say “parachute pants.” MTV ironically became the new “radio” - forever changing the way we both saw and listened to music. Video games, cable television, and the dawn of the personal computer were also helping to change us into a nation glued to the video screen. This increased access to media seemed to create a culture of experimentation – vendors and inventors constantly trying to find the new “hot” product or style. All of this attention to culture and change demanded a soundtrack to accompany the seeming randomness of the ideas being presented to us.

While the 80's were a crazy time, it did give us lots of inspiration, lots to laugh at, AND lots of great, great music.

This past Saturday night, the Dana Hall School Upper School Chorus and Chamber Singers presented their annual Choral Tribute concert, and this year's theme was "#1 Hits from the 80's." We did 22 songs that went all the way to #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 Chart.

Arranging all of the songs for that concert is a lot of work, but CHOOSING the songs can prove to be even more difficult. Just how many songs did I have to choose from? Well, before I arrived at the specific #1 Hits idea for the theme, it was just "The 1980's" and I was going to feature songs that to me best represented the decade. But then as I began to look at the list of great songs from that time, there were just way too many to choose from, so I narrowed the playing field.

I am not here to discuss the 22 songs we performed on Saturday. I am here to discuss the ones that did NOT make the cut. 25 songs that I really wanted to do with the choir, but just never made it to the arranging table. Ladies and gentlemen, Funkyman presents . . .

25 SONGS THAT MADE THE 80'S SPECIAL (but not special enough for us to sing them last week!)

"Escape" - Better known as the "Pina Colada" song. This was actually the 1st #1 hit from 1980, except it was recorded in 1979, and went to number one in December. It carried over into January 1980, and that plus the fact that high school girls singing about how much they like drinking and making love after midnight seemed a bit of a stretch. I'm sure you would agree.

"Magic" - Olivia Newton John's first big hit, and from one of the silliest movies of all time - Xanadu, about an old theater that also was a gateway to Olympus. I'll wait. . . . . . . Huh? Great song though. Check it out.

"It's Still Rock n Roll to Me" - Billy Joel's great little song is actually ABOUT the 80's New Wave craze. Smart and catchy. I sure would love to hear some more Billy Joel songs (HINT).

"Another One Bites the Dust" - Queen had a couple of #1 hits (Crazy Little Thing Called Love), but this one is probably one of the catchiest songs ever written. Too bad, there's not too much to sing - a little too simple. There are so many Queen songs that are awesome. I sure would like to hear some more Queen songs (HINT).

Hall & Oates Medley - I so wanted to do a medley of "Kiss on My List," "Private Eyes," and "Maneater" but it never got done. We were swamped with learning everything else, that this got kicked to the side. It was the closest to being done though. This was the first band that I collected every album for when I was a kid. Sure wished I could have featured them. (HINT)

"Jessie's Girl" - Um, duh. I can't believe we didn't actually do this, but people thought it was TOO obvious. Was there a better 80's song? Nope.

"Mickey" - Oh Mickey you're so fine, you're so fine that NO ONE EVEN AUDITIONED FOR THE SOLO. Otherwise, we were almost there.

"Who Can it Be Now?" - The first rock concert I ever saw was Men At Work. Too bad, none of my students have ever even heard this song. CRIMES AGAINST HUMANITY. Go listen now!

"Jack & Diane" - John Cougar's ode to young love. Perfection.

"Come on Eileen" - Great one hit wonder band - Dexy's Midnight Runners. Everyone knows the song, but did you hear the rest of the album? FAIL.

"Maniac" - Another #1 hit from Flashdance (We did "What a Feeling"). Awesome song, and another one-hit wonder. There are a lot of one-hit wonders out there, you know. (HINT)

"Love is a Battlefield" - Pat Benatar's anthem for young women. This seemed perfect for our concert, but it didn't translate well to chorus. I tried though.

"Owner of a Lonely Heart" - OK, I can never hear this song again without thinking of the movie "The Break-Up." If you've seen it, you know why. FUNNIEST. SCENE. EVER.

"Against All Odds" - One of the first pop songs I learned to play in elementary school. All of the girls were like "Oh my God, that's so amazing. I love that SONG!" And I was like, "Hmmmm, note to self . . . piano lessons are not a bad thing."

"When Doves Cry" - Prince's Purple Rain album is just one of those flashes of perfection that only happen once in an artist's career. That being said, Prince has hundreds of amazing songs. I sure would like to hear some more Prince songs. (HINT)

"We are the World" - Um, the 1st version please. And, while it was a great song . . . . we're done, thank you.

"Don't Worry Be Happy" - Originally one of the audience sing-along songs before I realized most people probably won't know it. I take for granted that this song is commonly known. I switched it up with "Celebration" by Kool & the Gang. - Good decision, Mr. Coleman. Very good. Ya-hoo!

"Kokomo" - The Beach Boys ode to the Carribean is a great song, but it conjured up images of "Escape" and pina coladas, and well . . .

"Tainted Love" - I'm sorry, but you can't think of the 80's without hearing the English accent from Soft Cell, or Human League, or Thompson Twins, or Madness, or Squeeze . . .

"Tempted" - How many people LOVE THIS SONG?????????!!!!!!!!!!!!

"White Wedding" - The song grabbed me, and the video scared me. Billy Idol was quite a sight. Couldn't see the girls singing it though. Maybe I should have just gone for it.

"Mr. Roboto" - One of my favorite songs from one of my favorite bands - there just wasn't enough time to give this the proper grand treatment it would have deserved. (HINT)

"99 Luftballons" - You know you like the song, but think about it - how much singing is there? The best part of the song is when she's NOT singing. Right? Exactly.

"Candy Girl" - I SO wanted to do this song - not enough time to arrange. Arrggh! New Edition - I'm sorry!

"Straight Up" - Another great song, but not much to do with vocally. Paula Abdul was a lot of things - a great singer was not one of them.

Well, enough for now. Next week, I'll have a grand announcement about the upcoming event and release of The Adventures of Funkyman CD - April 17. Look out for it! It's finally time!

And yes, Dana Hall friends. There were a few hints dropped into this blog about the future of the tribute concerts. Some of them are accurate and some not. Hmmmmm . . . just what will next year's be?

- Funkyman

Not Fair

2011-01-11T09:32:00.004-05:00

Hello Funkticians,

Normally, I would have lots of loving things to say about my daughter, Aimée, but recently I'm a little cross with her. Let me explain . . .

One of the fundamental differences between adults and children is the PERCEPTION OF TIME. A year to an adult can go quickly, but to a child it's an eternity. Likewise, a child's TASTE in things also can change dramatically and quickly, while we adults tend to like something for a long time. This goes for music, food, and . . . TELEVISION SHOWS.

My wife and I debated whether we should even have a TV in the home. It went like this:

Mrs. Coleman: I'm perfectly fine with not having a TV.

Mr. Coleman: No, that's never going to happen. I'll leave you first.

. . . or something like that.

I was RAISED on TV and YES I am addicted. Look, I recognize that there is value in the TV being off, and I think I'm pretty good at setting priorities. But life WITHOUT TV . . . FOREVER? I don't think I would survive. Unfortunately for Funkyman, it's like water to a plant. You gotta have it sometimes.

You see, no TV for Aimée meant no TV for Funkyman, and I knew I was thinking of myself when considering my daughter's future TV habits.

Now that I've admitted that, what is there on TV for a little girl to watch - CNN? MTV? A&E? Bravo? No. Lucky for me there was this new thing called NOGGIN.

Yes, NOGGIN - Nickelodeon's all-day and all-night pre-schoolers programming - safe TV with safe commericals and music videos. Pure genius. I could always find something kid friendly at any time of the day, and I didn't have to fast-forward through inappropraite commericals. Of course, PBS is there too, but as soon as the afternoon is over, PBS turns into Nova, Great Performances, Masterpiece Theater, Frontline, etc. Great programming, but not always what a kid would choose. (Side note - my daughter does love opera and ballet, and whenever that's on, she's watching! Yay PBS!!)

But Funkyman, you ask, why are you upset with your daughter? Oh, I almost forgot. Back to our story.

You see, NOGGIN and PBS had several shows in their lineups, and kids tend to have favorites and want to watch them over and over and over and over and over and over again. So I found myself taping back-to-back episodes of her favorite shows. But you see, I never wanted to LEAVE my daughter alone while she watched television - I didn't want it to become a babysitter. So I would watch the shows with her and spend that time with my daughter.

Yes, I sat through episode after episode of children's TV - just like most parents do. At first, it's cute, but then it devolves into aggravation.

"Wow, the Backyardigans are brilliant. CGI, choreography, and great songs!"

"Aww, Blue's Clues is so adorable. And that Steve guy is so good with the kids. Joe however is a little too intense and scary but . . ."

"Dora the Explorer - what a great concept - Spanish and topography for young people. Why is her head so big and why is she always yelling at me . . .?

"Dragon Tales is sweet. But just like Dora, these kids are running around with animals in faraway lands, and HEY - Where are these children's PARENTS???"

"The Wiggles like Fruit Salad and driving in a Big Red Car. And torturing adults."

"Why don't those kids just kick Barney and RUN!!!"

"Teletubbies - WTF!!!"

"Doodlebops - AAAARRRGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!"

Now, the funny thing is that's not how it ends. What actually happens is - YOU START TO LIKE THIS STUFF. Yes, eventually the aggravation wears thin and those little songs you keep hearing begin to work on your cerebellum, and you find yourself nodding your head to "Fruit Sald, Yummy-Yummy." I began to buy The Wiggles on DVD and found myself appreciating the songwriting and thought behind it. I began to have favorite Wiggles songs. My wife even bought tickets to see the Wiggles live. I was downloading mp3's for my iPod. I bought the Wiggles toy microphone and was jumping around the house doing karaoke to Wiggles songs when . . .

"Dad, I don't like the Wiggles anymore."

"Huh?"

"I don't want to watch the Wiggles. I want to watch Dino Dan on Nick Jr."

"Huh? I mean, right, of course. Nick Jr. it is, and I'll just put away these videos that you don't watch anymore and that I don't care for . . . much."

That's right, my daughter got me to like the Wiggles and she ABANDONED ME!!!!!!! I can't see the Wiggles live NOW - some 40-year old man hanging out at a kid's show - the cops would be all over me. I need my daughter to justify my presence! You know what? LATER for the Wiggles, and LATER for you Aimée!!!!

I got over it. I'm not mad at my daughter. I still kind of like the Wiggles though.

You see, that's the curse of being a parent - loving our children and watching them grow, and of course watching them grow OUT of things.

God willing, my daughter will continue to grow.

She will get taller, need new clothes.

She will finish school, leave home.

She will meet someone special, and start a family.

And I'll still be here at home with dusty Wiggles DVD's and the desire to spend time with my baby . . . who's not a baby anymore.

But that's life. It's not fair, but ranting aside, I love it.

My thoughts and prayers are with the Green family, who lost their 9-year old princess Christina in Tucson on Saturday, January 8 to senseless vioence - prompting me once again to think about how short life is, and to go run and hug my daughter one more time.

- Funkyman

A Year With Santa Claus

2010-12-24T22:56:00.005-05:00

Hello Funkyworld,

As my loyal readers know, Christmas is my least favorite season. Click here to read why. OK, now that you're all caught up, you'll know I mean it when I say, Merry Christmas! and Bah-Humbug! simultaneously.

Anyway, I'm not here to talk about me (there's a first time for everything!). This is the story of a child. A 6-year old girl. My daughter - Aimée.

Let me begin by saying I am not anti-Santa Claus. I think many of the ideals surrounding the legend are charming and filled with positive overtones. However, just like the Easter Bunny can be fun, it has zero to do with the purpose of Ressurection Sunday (Easter), and there are plenty of kids who grow up never knowing that the Easter Bunny isn't the central figure of the holiday. I have also seen firsthand how the Christmas season can easily become all about gifts and getting, and that concerned both my wife and me.

My wife and I debated whether or not to tell our daughter about Santa. We weren't sure if we were setting her up for a huge letdown later or even if it was distracting from celebrating Christmas as a religious holiday. In the end, we decided that we would not tell her about Santa or the myth of the mysterious ride throughout the night to deliver presents to nice boys and girls throughout the world.

But then one day when she was 4 years old, everything changed . . .

"Daddy I want to see Santa Claus!"

Huh? How did that happen? Never once in her short life had I mentioned or even referenced Christmas as anything but Jesus' birthday.

"Um . . . OK. Let me talk to Mommy first."

It was after talking to my wife that I realized how naive we both had been to think we could raise our daughter in a Santa-free world. He is just everywhere. And obviously, she learned about him either from school, other friends, or television commercials. But know this Funkyreader - YOU CANNOT ESCAPE. So the only thing left to do was deal with it. Well . . sort of.

"Why do you want to see Santa?"

"So I can tell him what I want for Christmas!"

"And what do you want for Christmas?"

"A pink telescope!"

"And you think Santa can get you one?"

"Yes. But only if I've been good. Papa, have I been good?"

As she looked at me, my heart melted. Here was my daughter wanting a very simple gift, and with a pure innocence and faith, believing it was possible.

"Yes, you've been good. You don't want anything else for Christmas?"

"No, just that."

Well, mission accomplished on one front. My daughter doesn't want lots of toys and gifts for Christmas. She LOVES singing Christmas carols. She LOVES picking a tree for the house. She LOVES baby Jesus in our Nativity scene. And she has learned to appreciate the things she has. How could I deny her this simple request? There was such joy in her eyes that I couldn't resist.

It turns out that my wife wasn't on board with the Santa visit. I fought for it, arguing that it would be just a trip to the mall, wham-bam, it's over. She eventually conceded, and it was just as I thought - my daughter stood in line anxiously awaiting her turn, then sat on his lap, asked for the pink telescope, took a picture (very cute), and that was it. Easy right?

Not.

I went home that night and went online to look for manufacturers of telescopes for kids. Needless to say, I quickly learned that . . .

there was NO SUCH THING AS A PINK TELESCOPE!!!!!!!!!!

AARRRRGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FAIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

GOOD JOB DAVID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THIS IS ALL YOUR OWN FAULT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YOU SHOULD HAVE JUST TOLD HER THE TRUTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So now what? Allow her to be crushed on Christmas morning when Santa doesn't deliver? Allow her to be crushed by the truth about Santa? No, what happened next was what almost every parent in the world has had to do in this situation - MAKE IT WORK.

I found a small telescope in the gift shop of the Museum of Science for about $20. I then went to JoAnn Fabrics and found pink felt and spray adhesive. I then sat in my music studio late into the night on December 24 measuring and cutting the felt to the specifications of the instrument, and then almost choking myself on the fumes of the adhesive spray as I applied the felt. In the end . . .

"PAPA, A PINK TELESCOPE!!! SANTA DID IT!!!"

That was one of the proudest moments of my life. Not that I lied to my daughter about Santa Claus. But that I was determined to do whatever it took to make my daughter happy. I hope if she reads this one day when she's older, she knows how much her father loves his daughter and if I could get her the moon, I would die trying.

That was 2008. About a year goes by.

"Papa, I know what I want for Christmas!"

Here we go again.

"OK, honey, what is it?"

"All I want is a giant Santa!"

What you say? Let me explain.

It seems that my wife likes to thumb through catalogs sent to the house. As she looked through a Pottery Barn Kids catalog one day with my daughter looking on, they found a life-size plush Santa Claus doll, measuring 6 feet in height. Aimée immediately wanted it. However, I knew, knowing my wife's issue with Santa Claus, that this was not going to happen, and I was fully prepared to talk my daughter into asking Santa for something else when . . .

"I think we need to get this for her."

No, that wasn't me talking to my wife. THAT WAS MY WIFE TALKING TO ME.

"WHAT?! What are you talking about? YOU? I thought you had issues about Santa? I had to fight last year just to get a picture with him, and now you think it's a good idea to get this MAN DOLL and have him in the house every day? I don't get it?"

Then it was clear that she too had been affected, because she said, "It's the only thing she wants, and just look at her face."

She was preaching to the choir, but still, I kind of had a problem with the idea of this gigantic Santa doll living in my house. Where would it live? Would we put it in storage after a few weeks and bring him out again next year? What if she gets tired of him?

I knew that I did not want to be coming home in July and that Santa Claus was still sitting there in my living room. Santa Claus chilling on my couch EVERY DAY? I decided to try to meet them both halfway and convince them that the smaller version of the doll was the way to go. Yes, they had an 18 inch Santa doll at a fraction of the cost, and it was something that could easily be put away out of sight if necessary. My wife agreed and ordered the doll. It came in the mail a few days later. All we had to do now was convince Aimée. She basically said "not really" and when she sat on Santa's lap the next time, she said it . . .

"I want a big Santa doll."

My wife was right there again with "I think we need to get this for her." OK!!!!!!! I was so convinced that I could sway her to the smaller version, that it didn't occur to me that this would be a popular item and hard to find. But, DEJA VU baby.

It was two days before Christmas, and it was too late to order big Santa through the mail. We began to call around to the only 3 Pottery Barn Kids stores in Massachusetts - Natick - SOLD OUT, Chestnut Hill - SOLD OUT, Burlington - WE HAVE ONE LEFT.

"DAVID THEY HAVE ONE IN BURLINGTON. GO GO GO!!!!"

So there I was racing up 95 North to the Burlington Mall. A man on a mission. GET SANTA. I got to the store, and saw him in the window - just like out of some movie. They took him out of the window, wrapped him in some cellophane, and I was good to go. Sort of.

I wasn't prepared for the trip back to my car. Did I mention that this was a LIFE SIZE doll? As people stared at me walking through the mall with this old man over my shoulder, I have never been so embarrassed. But the real fun was out in the parking lot, trying to fit this CADAVER into my car while police cars drive by ever so slowly - probably getting the laugh of the century.

GET IN THE CAR OLD MAN!!!

I drove Santa home, and then it dawned on me - WHERE AM I PUTTING THIS THING? I literally stuffed him into my bedroom closet like I was Jeepers Creepers or something. HILARIOUS NOT!!!

On Christmas Eve, I rescued Santa from the closet and took him downstairs near the tree. I put big Santa sitting upright in front of the tree, so that the first thing you would see coming downstairs was Santa smiling back at you. The next morning, my daughter awoke and was ELECTRIC with anticipation. She just couldn't wait to get downstairs. I tried to savor every second, but I knew that I had to let her off the hook.

I stayed in my bedroom as she began the walk downstairs. She stopped halfway, and I heard the most beautiful GASP I have ever heard. She almost lost her breath as she came running back to my bedroom. "PAPA, I GOT THE SANTA!" Yes, you did, baby. Yes you did.

Am I a hypocrite or am I a good father? Am I doing my daughter a disservice or am I allowing my daughter to have a healthy childhood? Time will tell. But I will say two things:

1. I have decided that as long as I make sure my daughter celebrates Christmas by giving to those in need, loving everyone, recognizing how blessed and loved she is by God and her family, then yes - she may believe that there is an old man who lives in the North Pole and feeds flying reindeer. She's a kid, living out her childhood; and just like her belief in Santa, it won't last forever.

2. That doggone Santa Claus doll has sat in the big chair in my living room for exactly 365 days - even through July.

She's not tired of him yet, and every day that she finds joy from hugging him is a day worth living.

Merry Christmas to all!

- Funkyman

London Calling

2010-12-07T10:33:00.004-05:00

Cheerio Funkensians,

I have been away from TAOF too long, mostly due to the fact that my old schedule of weekly study halls has not been consistent. That will all change in January 2011, so prepare for the weekly onslaught of Funkyman. I apologize to my regular readers (both of you) for the absence of Funk in your life. Here's a taste.

Those of you who know me already have seen most of the video clip posted below. However, if you missed the actual TV broadcast, this will interest you. The internet version of this story only includes the interview, and not the newscast lead-ins, which were just as fun to watch for me. The night the piece aired, I got to hear my daughter say, "Daddy, you're on the news!" which I had never ever imagined hearing anyone say.

For those of you new to this story, here's the scoop:
In September, I was contacted by the BBC to be featured in a series called "First Person" where once a week, they feature the life of one American. Having heard specifically of the work I had done at Tufts University with the Gospel Choir and how it has grown to 225 members and attracted both people of Christian faith as well as people of other religions and no faith, they came to Tufts to interview me and film a rehearsal.

How did they hear of me? Well, wouldn't you know that a former member of the choir back in 2007 graduated from Tufts and went on to intern at the BBC. She worked with the producers of this news broadcast and told them about this guy at her college who was inspiring students with stories about Superman, God, and Life (not in that order!).

They bit.

I was given a list of things to talk about, including my Superman philosophy, which is why you hear me reference that character in the video. I spent quite a bit of time discussing that service philosophy, and I was surprised it didn't make the cut into the final piece. They filmed me alone for 30 minutes and then the choir for the full 2 hour rehearsal, and then they edited that into the 4.5 minute segment you see below. It's quite remarkable how they used the interview to tell this story, and I'm very impressed with their work (with or without the Superman story). So that you know, I was specifically asked the question "Did that make you feel like Superman?" when I was answering and mentioning his name. Without the benefit of hearing the leading question, I think some people watching that interview were like "Who does this guy think he is? Superman?". And that couldn't be further from the truth.

However, it was almost like a comic-book to have our story of unity included in the lead stories of a newscast that otherwise depicted war, tension, and loss. I was humbled and proud simultaneously to be a part of the news that offered a light of hope to a world filled with a myriad of problems. That they recorded a slice of my life focusing on my passion for God, music, and people naturally makes me feel heroic. But not just any old hero.

No, I'm not Superman. I'm . . .

- Funkyman

Words That Worked

2010-11-13T23:05:00.003-05:00

Greetings Funktosians,

It has been too long, I know, I know. Sorry. I am caught up in life, and honestly, I won't have steady study halls until January, so we'll all have to be a little more patient during this holiday season.

This "holiday" season however, is a MAJOR problem for me.

- Walking into BJ's Wholesale in September and they have Christmas decorations out on Labor Day. Stop the madness.

- Marking UP Halloween candy on the day of. Not cool.

- Sears will be OPEN on Thanksgiving. Why wait for Black Friday, right? Or should I call it "Christmas Shopping Eve"? Disgusting.

But I digress . . .

I did not log on to write about the darkside of capitalism. Rather, I was inspired to write today because of a Children's Concert I was honored to lead today with the Tufts Third Day Gospel Choir. We had about 150 people in the audience - little children and their families - who came to experience their first gospel concert, and probably for most, their first concert. I was absolutely blown away that when I made the impromptu suggestion that kids could come up onto the stage and sing with the choir, they came! They rocked, clapped, and sang with us, and I was almost moved to tears. I was proud of the choir, and glad it was a success. They did a wonderful job, and they did a wonderful thing for those kids and parents.

It made me think about influential moments in my life, and things that shaped my experience. But rather than list the numerous experiences I've had that have benefitted me along the way, I've chosen ten quotes spoken to me that have forever altered the way I think, live, and love. For each one of them, it's like it was said to me yesterday.

10. "More time to do something is more time to do nothing."
My band director in high school said many things, but none was more true than this. We often complain about how there aren't enough hours in the day or how busy we are, but in truth, we thrive when we're busy. When faced with a task and a lot of time to do it, we often waste that time doing absolutely nothing. Maybe that's not true for you, but it certainly is for me. And even when faced with that scenario, I remember this quote to try to make it not so. I do not want idle hands.

9. "You little thief!"
When I was on the Memphis State University Swim Team (Yes, that's right - I was a MONSTER at the Butterfly), I was only 10 years old. Before and after practice, my friends and I had free time to roam the Sports Complex. The halls were HUGE, and our favorite thing to do was find used handballs and play with them. One day, we couldn't find any, so we decided we would sneak into one of the handball courts and grab one. To get into the court, we had to get on all fours and crawl into the court, grab the ball, and crawl out again. On the way out, I was met by a large man who obviously was preparing to re-enter his court. He looked at the ball in my hand and said the above quote. I never felt so bad in my life. You can bet, that was a word I never wanted to be called again. Thanks to whoever that was.

8. "Now, never smoke!"
My mother smoked pretty frequently when I was a kid. One day, when she and a friend were at the house smoking in the den, I asked "What is it like?" My mother said, "Here, put this in your mouth and inhale." As I was coughing up my lungs, my mother looked me right in the face and said the quote. It worked.

7. "Now, never drink!"
Ditto, but with Whiskey. Thanks Mom.

6. "It's more than just about the music."
After the first concert I ever did as a choir director, one of my students came up to me with tears in her eyes and said this. Without telling the whole story, let's just say that during that concert (gospel), many lives were changed for the better forever, including mine. Had that night not happened, I would not be in gospel music to this day.

5. "Discipline"
My English/Music Teacher in Grade School often would stop in the middle of class to teach us something that had nothing to do with the subject matter. One day, he wrote this word on the board and spent the rest of the class talking about how important it was to champion this aspect of our character. Not only was it profoundly true, but it informed the way I teach even until this day. If you want to capture the imagination of your students, teach them from your experience, not just the subject itself. I know it works because it kept me engaged when I was a student.

4. "Now I want to go to college."
Just like today's concert for kids, my college gospel choir at Boston University did a concert for a school, and at the end, one of the kids came up to us and said this. It showed me the power of being present - just showing up. It's quite possible that seeing those young adults singing and praising truly inspired that kid and countless others to strive towards that goal. I never forgot that, and I never second guess the power of words and action in other people's lives.

3. "Stay with the Lord."
For instance, this quote was told to me in passing, and the guy has no clue that it rocked my whole world. It was said to me at a time when I was really questioning my faith, and he couldn't have known that. But he touched my shoulder and said it so sincerely, that it really felt as if God were saying it to me Himself. You can call it crazy, but you know . . . you weren't there, and it doesn't really matter what anyone else believes. I was there. I saw it. I heard it. I felt it. That settles it.

2. "Papa's home!"
First of all, being called someone's father is a priceless gift. But hearing the joy of your child that you have returned to the place where you belong . . . well what two words could bring me more joy?

1. "I do."
Yes, Fadie. The two words that rocked my world the most. Without those words, I could never have heard the two my daughter speaks everyday. Thank you for saying the two words that made my life complete and forever special.

I do not deserve the lessons I have learned from these experiences. And because of that, I'm going to do my best to help others have similar ones. It's the circle of life. Pay it forward.

What words have rocked your world? Humbly submitted by

- Funkyman

P.S.
TUFTS THIRD DAY GOSPEL CHOIR IN CONCERT - "HE'S ABLE!"

FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 19 - 8:00 P.M. - COHEN AUDITORIUM, at AIDEKMAN ARTS CENTER

TICKETS are $7, available at the door, or call box office at 617-627-3679

WATCH FREE ONLINE LIVE STREAMING at http://as.tufts.edu/music

Dana Hall School

2010-10-15T20:55:00.004-04:00

Evening Funklodians,

As I sit here writing, it dawns on me that I very rarely blog about my main source of employment, my home, my community, my life - Dana Hall School. I have been the Director of Choral Music here going on 10 years now, and I have met some of the most amazing people - students, parents, and colleagues.

Dana Hall School is a school for girls here in Wellesley, MA, and we are celebrating 130 years as an institution. While I could go into depth about the debate between single-sex education versus co-ed, let's just say you need to get to know your daughter very well before deciding if an all-girl's education is the best fit. For some girls, it absolutely is, and I am proud to be a part of a place that forges girls into strong women and leaders to be reckoned with in every area of society.

So, let's hear three cheers for Dana Hall School as we celebrate the premiere of our 1st ever music video!

Music and lyrics by . . .

- Funkyman

Convocation Song 2010 from Dana Hall on Vimeo.

My Favorite Teacher

2010-10-04T20:32:00.002-04:00

Hello Funkistines, it's been way too long. My weekly study hall rituals have been a little off, so I'm not writing as much. I promise to do better. There is so much going on in the world, and so little time to discuss it all! But rather than depress you like last time when I provided a not-too-flattering look into prejudice and discernment in America, I'll share an inspirational story.

In this life, we have many teachers - some in the classroom, some not. Which teachers are memorable for you? Do you have a favorite? I do. And you may think that my favorite teacher may have been a piano teacher I worked with for several years, or even a music teacher that inspired me to grow up to be Funkyman. However, I attended Christian Brothers High School in Memphis, Tennessee, and my favorite teacher was Dr. Frank Swicker - my Chemistry teacher.

Yes, Chemistry - my least favorite class.

I have two brothers, one older and one younger. They both graduated valedictorians of their high school classes. They both attended M.I.T. in Cambridge. They both majored in sciences. My wife has two degrees in Biology, and is currently pursuing a PhD in Microbiology from Boston University.

What happened to me? Let me explain.

When I say Chemistry was my least favorite class, I mean it was MY LEAST FAVORI - BLLEECCCHH!!!!!!!! I don't even like talking about it. I could NOT have cared less about the elements, how they worked together, or the history of the science. I had no intentions of pursuing science beyond high school, and I guess I should remember that when I'm teaching music theory to young people and wonder what they're thinking. Probably the same thing.

Anyway, I was a musician. By my junior year of high school, I was pretty active in Concert Band at school - playing both flute and jazz piano, Memphis Youth Symphony - playing harpsichord and piano, MMTA Piano Concerto Competitions - I made 2nd place in the State two years in a row, and I started a band with a good friend - playing synthesizer and rocking out to 80's songs (no it wasn't retro, it actually WAS the 80's) on the weekends. As a matter of fact, I would have to run to Chemistry class directly following Band rehearsal at school, and I was always the last one to class.

"Coleman, you've got your mind on saxophone!."

"Actually I play the flute."

"I don't care."

Dr. Swicker was sarcasm personified. He was so sarcastic, that you couldn't get your feelings hurt. You just laughed.

"Coleman, put away that Mickey Mouse machine (calculator), and start using your head for something else besides a hat rack!"

"Any questions? No? So if I gave a test right now, everyone would get an A?" (Hands start to go up.) "That's what I thought."

He wasn't picking on me. He gave everyone a hard time. He preached to us about how he was scared for our generation because we relied too much on technology (ironic, since we had no real use for computers yet - what would he say today!). Even our labs were scary. He would walk around the room and you would pray to God that class time would run out before he got to your station.

"What are you two doing? It's a BUNSEN BURNER, not a CAMPFIRE! I swear you guys couldn't find your own butts with two hands and the lights on!" - Oh well, guess class isn't quite over yet.

And his tests?

HARD.

Report cards came out, and when I got a D in Chemistry, it was a bad day. My father let loose on me and told me I didn't care and wasn't trying. The truth is that I didn't care but I WAS trying, and that's why it hurt. Dr. Swicker was teaching us Chemistry at a very advanced level, and even I knew we were covering more than what was in the book. Being so used to textbook style learning, it was difficult for me to think outside of the box and place these theories into practice.

And let's not forget the sleeping in class. Yes, I said it.

Dr. Swicker would turn off all of the lights, and give us a slide show - flashing bright lights accompanied by a soundtrack of a very uninteresting person talking about my favorite subject not. The recorded voice would pose a question and say, "Please stop the tape and discuss as a class." Yes, I fell asleep more times during these presentations than I should. One day, I regretted it.

"Coleman, what's the answer to the question?"

(waking up)
"Huh? Oh right, hmmmmmmm. Let me see now . . . . hmmmmm."

"Coleman, answer the question."

(everyone starts to laugh)
"Umm, I'm sorry I don't think I know the answer."

(everyone is laughing)
"Water, Coleman. H2O is water."

FAIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OWNED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes, he got me.

However, let me take a moment to thank Dr. Swicker. He was my favorite teacher because after that year ended and I became a senior, when Dr. Swicker saw me in the halls, he talked to me like we were old friends. He complimented me after concerts and congratulated me on my achievements in music. He cracked jokes with me, not at me, and was very sweet and approachable. I saw a side of him I had never seen while a student in his classroom, and I came to realize that he really did care. He wasn't some bitter old man. He was a veteran teacher, and didn't want us to fail. I'll always remember him as my favorite because of the contrast of who he was in class to outside. When in class, it was all business. Outside, he was kind and approachable. Both sides were nurturing, and I'll never forget it.

For our final exam, Dr. Swicker decided to give us the State Chemistry Exam issued by the Tennessee Teachers Association. He said our final grade on that test would be our grade for that marking period. He told us that if we didn't do well on this test, either he had failed us as a teacher, or we really weren't paying attention all year.

I got an A.

Thanks Dr. Swicker - you didn't fail.

- Funkyman

Pray . . . and fast!

2010-09-08T22:00:00.003-04:00

I promised myself I would stay away from this topic, but gosh darnit . . . I just can't leave it alone.

In Superman mythology, there exists a world where everything is backwards. This world is entirely populated by Supermen and Lois Lanes, and logic is completely reversed. You say up when you mean down. You say left when you mean right, etcetera, etcetera . . .

Sometimes it feels like I'm living in Bizarro World. Follow me . . .

- On September 11, 2001 . . . well you know what happened. Senseless, vicious, brutal murders.

- Our former President vows to make the villains pay. America agrees.

- In a still-to-this-day controversial move, we go to Afghanistan and Iraq for several reasons including "fight them over there so we don't have to fight them here." Several Americans agree. Several disagree.

- While more liberal Americans are concerned with the well-being of our soldiers, the continued violence, and further loss of life, more conservative Americans say this is what we must do to ensure freedom and save lives. They are often quoted as "Conservatives think . . . liberals FEEL."

Fast forward to today:

- People are upset that there is a mosque planned to be built 2 blocks from Ground Zero in NYC. While opposers testify that they are not against Muslims practicing their religion anywhere, they feel this is a bad idea. It's "too close" and smacks in the face of the 9-11 victims and their families.

- Other people are upset that people are upset. The Constitution guarantees the rights of the private land owners to do as they please - regardless of their intention either to bridge differences or laugh in the face of America.

- Conservatives who in the past have thrived on the maxim "Conservatives think, liberals feel" now are defending the feelings of 9-11 victims, while the liberals are defending the legal rights of the private owners of the land. This begs a reversal of the earlier statement - now it's the conservatives that have hearts for how something feels, and it's the liberals who are defending the constitution?

- Our current President speaks out in support of the Constitutional right for anyone to build a mosque near Ground Zero, and a day later comments that he's not supporting whether it's a good idea or not. Can you say "politician"?

- In related news, a pastor in Florida plans to commemorate the 9th anniversary of the slaughter by hosting a book-burning of the Koran - fully hoping this will both capture the attention of radical Muslims, but also incite them to commit further acts of violence - thus justifying his demonstration.

Give me just a second . . .

AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Everything stated above is fact. Now here's Funkyman's opinion - take it or leave it:

The Muslim religion is no more culpable for the terror attacks on 9-11 than Christianity is for the genocide of Native Americans and Africans in the birth of this country. We have to learn to separate an idea from people who use that idea to justify their actions. People used the Constitution to enslave blacks, regard them as 3/5 of a man, deny their voting and civil rights, and segregate. Does this make the Constitution an evil document filled with evil doctrine? There are churches built on the GRAVES of indigenous people, forget about 2 blocks away. Aren't our American churches "too close" to the murders done supposedly in the name of Jesus? I don't want religion to take all the blame for what we do as people. That's too easy.

You know something, I listen to a lot of conservatives today saying "what's happening to our country?" or "we've got to take America back" or "what about the good old days?" Well, if you're a woman, an ethnic or religious minority, or a person with disabilities, the "good old days" were pretty horrible, and we don't want to go back. What's really happening in America is it is being FORCED to live out its own creed, its own laws, its own Declaration of Independence. We didn't write these documents, but we have been conditioned to not only live by them, but be their defenders and their champions. It has allowed America to continually transform into - yes - a different place. And if you liked the "good old days," you should probably make your peace and move forward.

The truth is we must take a step back, look at all of history and its many cultures, and most importantly - pray.

Pray that we can live in a world where murder is NOT the solution for any situation.

Pray that we can all admit that in governments, religions, and in most individual people the POSITIVES ALWAYS OUTWEIGH THE NEGATIVES.

Pray that we can learn to pray together, not only coexist. However, if coexisting is our best effort - so be it.

And EVEN IF someone chooses to use violence to make their point - we cannot respond in kind.

This is what it means to be truly Christian. Not by burning books. Not by screaming at the top of our lungs. And certainly not by denying people the very same rights that allow us to be Christians and not be murdered for it.

This is America. I HIGHLY LOVE AND APPRECIATE THAT I AM ALLOWED TO BE A CHRISTIAN. It's not like this all over the world. What a great country we live in.

Freedom doesn't mean feelings aren't going to be hurt. Freedom demands that if you want to keep it, you have to share it. Even when you don't like it. I want to share God's love with everyone. If I don't, I have wasted my purpose.

If you disagree, that's OK. I still love you, and I am content that freedom of speech is yet another right afforded to both you and . . .

- Funkyman

Wisdom

2010-08-11T17:55:00.003-04:00

Greetings everyone,

Those of you who know me personally know that I've been away dealing with the passing of my father, Dr. Wisdom Franchot Coleman, Jr. Of the several stages of grief, I think I have gone through denial, reflection, anger, and reconstruction. You've probably already read the obituary. If not, click here. I believe that my father deserves a tribute on this page, and I also feel the great desire to tell more of the story which is not so flattering.

To all of you who don't know me as well but knew my father, please know that our family is so lifted by your expressions of love and stories about how Dad was a father, brother, or friend to you or just that he made you laugh or made you feel special. There was no one like Wisdom F. Coleman, Jr.

My father was 66 years old when he died on July 29, 2010.

66 years old.

The first and most popular question people ask is - how?

So, after debating whether or not to share more of this story, I believe I will try to honor my father by being honest and hopefully this information will benefit you in your own life. Here are the 4 pieces of "wisdom" I've learned from my father's illness and subsequent passing

1. MAKE PEACE WITH YOUR PARENTS
My grandfather died when he was 47 years old.

47 years old.

Unfortunately, he and my father had an argument before he passed that they never resolved. The pride both men felt also kept them from expressing affection towards each other, and when grandpa died from Diabetes/High Blood pressure complications, my father was left stranded in time.

Stranded to spend the rest of his life regretting the lack of communication and the unresolved argument. I can't tell you how many times my father shared this story with me, or how many times I was told "I love you" from my father because he never wanted me to go through life questioning this fact.

He didn't want history to repeat itself.

On June 20 of this year, Father's Day and my dad's birthday simultaneously, I called my father and told him "thank you" for being my father, for loving me, for providing for me, for encouraging and supporting me, and for being a great grandfather. Despite my father's mistakes, I would not be who or where I am today without him, and I felt a strong desire to tell him on that day.

I take comfort in knowing that I was able to share my appreciation with him before he passed. It was probably more for me than for him, but I sit here today with no baggage concerning my dad, and that is probably one of the greatest gifts I was able to give myself.

The VERY NEXT DAY, on June 21, my father was admitted to the hospital to begin the longest and last 5 weeks of his life. He suffered kidney failure and heart failure due to complications with Diabetes/High Blood pressure - just like his dad.

Well, at least not all history repeats itself.

However, I believe the medical issues were only manifestations of a larger issue.

2. DEPRESSION AFFECTS THE BODY
We all deal with depression - whether mild or severe. It is the most elusive of diseases because it lives in our brain, and with enough practice, we can fool the entire world into believing that our disposition is one of joy and contentment, when in truth, we are crying and screaming inside. My father was very good at showing people the joyful, humorous side of his personality. This was not fake - he really did have joy and was very funny. However, like most of us, we allow people to see what we want them to see.

I'm not here to judge my father. He had many blessings to count, but he also had many emotional storms to weather. And without listing all of them here for privacy's sake, please know that depression was the most significant challenge in his life. Every member of my family tried in our own way to help him navigate these storms, but the disease was persistent.

It is my personal belief that the mental and emotional strain of the depression began to manifest itself in his physical body - his eyesight, his ability to walk, his weight, and of course, his heart. In the end, after all of the struggle and the pain, he is finally at rest, at true peace.

3. BREAK THE CURSE
Why am I able to write about all of these things with such clarity? Well . . .

I have diabetes.

I have high blood pressure.

I suffer from depression.

I am my father's son. I am my grandfather's grandson.

While my whole life I knew my grandfather passed at a young age, I didn't know the exact reasons until recently. In 2006, I learned of the medical history of my grandfather, and comparing it to my father's and my own, I saw the obvious pattern. Was this all coincidence? Three generations of diabetes and high blood pressure? But, also knowing about the personal battles my grandfather and father faced, I also had the "wisdom" to believe that something greater was at work.

I believed there was a curse on my family. The curse is NOT diabetes and high blood pressure. The curse is the inability or lack of desire to communicate with others about our health and ultimately to be responsible for the maintenance of our care. In other words, DOING IT ALONE does not seem to work.

However, let me recap my recent life to you:

- In 2007, with a thought-out food plan and exercise, I lost 140 lbs. and have kept it off for over 2 years. Both my diabetes and high blood pressure are subdued - I'm medication free. I did not do this alone - I had and still have lots of help from friends, doctors, and loved ones.

- Yes, I have depression but DEPRESSION DOES NOT HAVE ME. I make a daily prayer to have the joy of the Lord be my strength. It's WORKING.

- I continue to tell my daughter I love her everyday. Thank you for that lesson, Dad.

But the only way I can do all of these things is the daily surrender that I am NOT in control. This surrender is the secret to my success. When I try to do it alone, I fall.

However, the life and death of Dr. Wisdom F. Coleman, Jr. can not be summed up in "he was depressed, sick, and eventually it caught up with him." That would be a crime. My father was an amazing person - and there are thousands of testimonies from the lives he touched to confirm this. You may have your many reasons to remember Wisdom F. Coleman fondly. Here are some of mine.

4. COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS
When I was a kid, some of my fondest memories are sitting around the breakfast table with my father for hours listening to him tell stories of his days in college and as a youth. I have never laughed so hard in my life. My dad was Superman.

My father taught me to respect every woman as if she were my sister, even though we had none.

My father taught me to pay special attention to those who often get ignored for whatever reason.

My father, rather than be concerned with the unpredictable life of an artist/musician, not only paid for every piano lesson, but ENCOURAGED me to become a musician - all because he knew that's what made me happy.

My father flew up to Boston at least 2 times a year to see me in concert, and later even more to see my daughter in plays and for birthday parties.

My father always wanted a daughter, but got 3 boys. When I got married and then had a daughter, he then had 2 - and he spoiled them rotten.

My father allowed me to walk in a freedom so that I could literally go anywhere, meet anyone, and do anything. I could go on forever.

I recently wrote a song called "Superman" which I dedicated to my father. Click here to listen.

There is no rhyme or reason why we are allowed to live or why and when we stop living on this earth. We are left to wonder why, and all of this writing is part of my own acceptance of what has happened. And because I also deal with the health and depression concerns one day at a time, I pray that I will be allowed to see my daughter grow up, get married, and have children and grandchildren. As for the so-called curse on my family, I rebuke it.

It was an honor to be called his son. It was an honor to serve and sing at his funeral. I will continue to honor my grandfather and my father by living life to its fullest and declare that . . .

The curse is broken.

Rest in peace, Dad.

- Funkyman, aka David F. Coleman "my father's son"

P.S. - By the way, he was an amazing dentist. :-)

Up, Up and Away!

2010-07-22T00:00:00.006-04:00

Hello Funkyworld,

Usually I write once in July - here you go. I've been so busy trying to finish creative work on two CD projects, that I have not had time to write, though I have had lots of time to think. My wife and daughter went to NYC for the July 4 weekend and saw Disney's Mary Poppins on stage. It was the highest quality production, and the best parts are of course when Mary Poppins flies - it's so cool.

Of course, I am a sucker for all things flyng. I've had so many dreams about flying, I've lost count. And if you ask me what superpower would I take if I could have only one - you guessed it.

I'm sure I'm not the only one. We are a race full of people wanting to fly. It's proved in movies and in music. So, here is my top ten list of songs NOT necessarily about flying specifically - but songs that MADE ME FEEL I COULD FLY.

10. "Breaking Free" from High School Musical - SHUT UP! No, you shut up. SHUT . . . UP! No, you shut up. Sorry everyone, yes it's corny, but effective. "We're soaring, flying . . . " is composed in a way that immediately makes the listener want to do just that. Haters can hate, but don't miss the beauty in the creation.

9. "I Can Fly" from Peter Pan - Probably the first movie I saw where people were flying. This song is burned in my memory as well as the images that accompanied it. Even though they used fairy dust, all they really had to do was BELIEVE they could fly and . . . voila.

8. The Flying Theme from E.T. the Extra Terrestrial - If you were a kid when you saw this, you KNOW you agree. This is movie magic. You literally feel like you're rising out of your seat when the kids take off on their bicycles. And John Williams - the master of all flying music - hit it out of the park with this one.

7. "The Wind Beneath My Wings" from Beaches - "F l y y y y y . . . . F l y y y y y y . . . . F l y y y y y y y y away, you let me fly so high."
Bette Midler singing that three-letter word to perfection.

Hey you! Yes, you listening to that song. Wipe those tears away, and take to the skies! You're flying.

6. "I Believe I Can Fly" from Space Jam - If this song didn't touch you when you first heard it, check your pulse. I believe R. Kelly will be remembered for a lot of things (no comment), but fortunately for him, this is his greatest legacy.

5. "You Are the Pan" from Hook - Peter Pan, after years of being an adult and forgetting his identity, finds his joy, and his ability to fly returns as he remembers who he truly is. John Williams AGAIN with the score magnifique. Probably the best flying sequence in movie history.

4. "Believe or Not" from The Greatest American Hero - This TV show was on when I was a kid and it was about an everyman who finds an alien suit that gives him amazing powers. The one which was the hardest to master? Flying. This was a running gag on the show that I just love. However, though the TV show was not that successful, the themesong was the #2 song in the country. It was certainly my favorite song, and now you know why. It's still heard today in pop culture in everything from the Family Guy to Hollywood.

3. "Wake Up" from The Matrix - Rage Against the Machine is not the band you first think of when thinking of songs about flying. However . . .

Remember the last scene of The Matrix when Neo steps away from the phone booth, looks up to the sky, and then, BAM!!!!!?????

I can no longer listen to that song without trying to jump and take off into the sky myself. Mission Accomplished.

2. "Defying Graviry" from Wicked - Duh. Do I really need to explain why this . . . duh. If you have not seen the end of Act 1 of this show, YOU ARE NOT FULLY HUMAN!!!! COMPLETE THE TRANSFORMATION AND SEE THIS SHOW!!!!!!!

1. Main Theme from Superman -
Oooooh, wow, Funkyman. How could we ever have guessed this was your number 1? Woowwww.

Hey, give me a break - when you're the best, you're the best. John Williams AGAIN. The theme from Superman is not only the best flying song ever, it's the best MOVIE THEME ever. He captures the essence of the character in the music in a way unparalleled in movie scoring. Just imagine - if you heard this song, you would never have needed to see the movie to know what and who was being described. That is an amazing feat, and John Williams is underrated in this area.

John Williams is not the greatest composer ever. However, he has achieved a special succcess that only a few composers have. He has consistently inspired, whether musically or personally, MILLIONS of people with his work. And he will continue to do so for generations to come as long as these movies are viewed. That is a form of immortality. That is a form of COOL.

I met John Williams when I was 15, and I still have his autograph. He has no idea how much his music has inspired me and that he played such an integral part in making a boy want to fly - and eventually grow up to be . . .

- Funkyman

Don't Mess With Superman

2010-07-08T00:49:00.002-04:00

Hello Funkytownies!

Sorry I haven't been able to update weekly. I promise more to come soon! For now, check out this video I did because I had a little too much free time late tonight. This heat is keeping me awake!

However, I was finally able to create the tribute video I always wanted to do for my song, "Don't Mess With Superman."

To see the video, click HERE.

Enjoy!

Rhythm of Life II (Cardio)

2010-06-14T09:04:00.003-04:00

The Adventures of Funkyman CD release - 2/26/11

Here's your new workout song.

- Funkyman

"Rhythm of Life II (Cardio)"

Verse 1
Well it’s 5, 4, 3 – 3 to 2, 1
That’s all I gotta say and the day’s begun
I wake up to my cell phone ringing the alarm
In my head good morning, thank God I’m not dead

Roll around in my bed just a couple mo’ times
Til I break it down like around 6:35
Then it’s off to the grind. You know the deal
Making money at the same time keep it real.

Then it’s here I go everyday, people all up in my face
Knowing that I gotta say everything is good OK
No matter what the name change all the same
It’s like my iPod’s stuck on replay

I’m getting tired of the grind, my mind running
On and on and on, it ain’t stopping ‘til the break a’ dawn
I need a break from the pace of the race
But the joke’s on me, see, I can never be free because

Chorus
Life just keeps on runnin’ along
Doesn’t even matter if you’re weak or you’re strong
Pick up both your feet, keep ‘em movin’ along
Life just goes on and on and on and on

Keep runnin’ – on and on and on
Keep runnin’ – on and on and on
Keep runnin’ – on and on and on
Keep runnin’ – on and on and on

Verse 2
Keep runnin’ quick somebody get a doctor
Runnin’ so hard so fast I’ll rock ya
To the beat, beat of the clock, tick-tock-ya
Wanna try to compete I’ll knock ya

Out of the race for good
‘cause I want it to be understood
I’m sick of second place, no good
If anyone can win, I could

So on your mark ready set go with the flow
That you know, gonna make the best time
Leaving everyone behind, now I see the finish line
So clear in my mind, and you say you wanna be like me

Well girl put your records on,
And workout to your favorite song
On that treadmill kickin’ up your heels
Keepin’ up your heartrate everyday you know the deal

Chorus
Life just keeps on runnin’ along
Doesn’t even matter if you’re weak or you’re strong
Pick up both your feet, keep ‘em movin’ along
Life just goes on and on and on and on

Mind, body and soul
Closer to your goal
Step by step you see
Your reality
Heart so clean and free
Cardiology

My Adventure

2010-06-09T22:36:00.002-04:00

"Something has changed within me . . .
Something is not the same . . .
I'm through with playing by the rules of someone else's game."

- Elphaba, singing "Defying Gravity" from Wicked

Now that the school year is over, I can focus and write about what I was hinting at last month about my "new direction." The truth is that it's a work in progress, but enough mystery - here it is.

When I was a kid, I was taking piano lessons, playing chamber music and being the pianist for the Memphis Youth Symphony, but I was simultaneously playing for my gospel choir at church, playing rock and pop in a band at school, and began writing my own songs. When people asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I had no answer . . . until one day . . .

I saw the movie "A Chorus Line" (which I blogged about a couple of years ago), and quite simply, all I could fantasize about was playing piano for that show on Broadway. I didn't need to be music director, and I didn't need money. Just let me play that show, and I'll be all set.

Suddenly, I had purpose for my life and for my music. I finished up high school, went to Boston to major in piano at BU, and halfway through my freshman year of college . . . A Chorus Line went off Broadway. :-(

I didn't know what to do with myself. Long story short, by the end of that year, I switched majors to composition because I was spending more time writing than I was practicing - much to my mother's lament. I began to work as a gospel musician to make some extra money, and that soon became a huge part of my life. However, I had no direction. I had no idea where my musical education would take me. The one job I thought would be cool was gone. Don't get me wrong, I love gospel music, and service became such a huge part of my life, that I defined happiness as being able to help other people and make their lives better in some way.

I am a composer, and when I would offer my pieces/songs to audiences, people would ask me "Why not the music business?" "You should sell your songs!" "Have you thought of sending this out?" My reply would always be "no." I wasn't interested in business - I had heard way too many stories of artists being betrayed by the vultures of industry. I didn't want any part of it. Let me stay an amateur local musician and composer, touching the lives of the people around me. I'm fine with that.

Or was I?

Years have gone by, and I have continued my mission of not promoting myself. Even my group, Confirmation, which sings 100% my original music, can attest that I am not a good salesperson, and that I rarely push or promote our projects or our image. It's not my thing, and I have always stuck to my healthy phobia of business as the reason. Yes, all was well - Married for 12 years, a 5-year old daughter, some great ministries, lots of choirs and concerts, even a bunch of shows to music direct.

And then it happened. The question that rocked my world to its foundation - "How would you describe what you like about music?"

Now that seems like a simple question, or maybe it doesn't. But, it wasn't the question so much as who was asking it and why.

In December of 2008, I was contacted by the American Repertory Theater to offer advice on how to employ local gospel choirs in a production they were doing. Long story short, after 5 months of talks, I was sitting in their office with the composer of the show being asked if I would consider being music director for the show. I was speechless. Floored. And then the question came, and I was still speechless. I sat there on that couch and couldn't answer the question about what I liked about music. I sounded like a babbling fool - referencing the myriad of genres I love and specific artists and even songs - but I couldn't gel a coherent answer together. I left that meeting feeling both exhilarated and devastated. Excited for the opportunity - doomed because I knew I had done nothing but cast doubt on myself in front of the producers.

This began a long and serious depression through the summer months of 2009. I had been walking on cloud 9 prior to this, and suddenly, someone stole my joy.

Why was I upset?

What did I lose?

Why did I care so much?

I ended up being the music director for the show, and it was a great success. But the damage had been done. Even after the show ended, I couldn't escape my funk, and though I am Funkyman, that's not the type of funk I dig.

Then I saw it. The show that changed everything.

Since I worked so hard on the show, I didn't get a vacation during the holidays. My wife gave me an amazing birthday gift - 3 days in New York City, 2 Broadway shows, and solitude. The first show I saw was Billy Elliott - beautiful and amazing, but a little too long. The next day I saw In The Heights, and my world would never be the same. You see not only is this show written with genius, but both Billy Elliott and In the Heights centered around the theme of dreams and what happens when you get the opportunity to fulfill them. When I read the history of In the Heights and how the creator Lin Manuel Miranda spent a full 7 years of his young life working on nothing but this show, and how that work paid off in being workshopped in Manhattan, which led to an Off-Broadway run, which led to a Broadway run, which led to him winning the Tony Award for Best Musical and Best Composer in 2008. In The Heights is perhaps the best musical I've ever seen, and as I marveled at its existence, I began to feel the emptiness I'd been experiencing all year. I began to see that there was a gigantic hole in my life that I had so neatly tucked away and attempted to fill over the years by doing service.

While in New York, I had a great time meeting with old friends who are all musicians. A composer who was just finishing up scoring an episode of Frontline, a producer who was in the middle of producing Les Nubians' next release, a cast member of Broadway's, HAIR (Tony Award Winner 2009), and a few other musicians. One of those musicians is an old student of mine who I wrote about here, who is now a musician and part of the original team for the new musical Addams Family, now playing on Broadway. As we sat together after the show, I told him "You're living my dream." He said "I know." He's only 27 and he achieved what I used to long for, but he worked his but off and paid his dues. He deserves everything he's getting. But it started to eat at me that I had the ability to do what he's doing, and I'VE NEVER DONE IT.

When I returned home, the fogginess in my mind began to clear. I began to admit to myself what I've never wanted to admit, and here it is . . .

I

am

afraid.

I am afraid of the music business - not because of fear of failing, but because of fear of succeeding and having to be judged by people, rejected by people, laughed at by people, despite the quality or my personal faith in my work. I have a LIBRARY of songs that I have written over the last 25 years that literally are sitting on a shelf, and for the first time in my life, I can admit - that bothers me in a big way. If I was content at being a local musician, touching the lives of those around me, WHY WAS I SO MISERABLE LAST YEAR? This is the answer to that question.

I am a pianist. I am a composer. I am a songwriter. I know musicians and connections in every area of the music industry. I just proved that I could be music director of a professional show with Broadway singers. I do not believe that this is coincidence. It's finally time.

From now on, I will do everything in my short life to ensure that I fulfill my dream - my purpose - my desire to produce and promote my music to the masses - not because I desire fortune and fame, but because I've been denying the will of God in my life in this area. This is what I'm supposed to do, obviously. For the first time in a year, I am far from depressed. I have a renewed focus. I am ready to quit everything to make this happen, though prayer and meditation have ruled that out for now. I have the support of my wife, and I have the amazing gift of falling to my knees to ask for heavenly counsel.

The wait is over.

I am no longer afraid.

Prepare to see and hear new music in a new way. I am working on my own original musical, and I plan to finish it before I leave this earth. I don't need Broadway to make it happen, but if that's God's will . . .

Prepare to see and hear a new era for David F. Coleman.

Prepare for the Adventures of

- Funkyman

Here We Go

2010-06-01T11:12:00.002-04:00

Funkyman's Guide to Summer Movies 2010

It's June Funkysapiens! Can you believe it? I'm a little late with my annual SUMMER MOVIE GUIDE, but here we go. This is not a complete list of films this summer, but ones I thought you or I might even consider to go to. The ones I definitely plan to see have an asterisk by the title. Enjoy!

*Iron Man 2 (May 7) - Unless you've been completely movie deprived, you've already seen this one like me. Not as good as the first, but enjoyable, especially if you saw it in IMAX, and especially if you savored every minute of the race-track fight sequence, which is the best scene in the movie, and unfortunately, at the beginning. Two points to Mickey Rourke for the believeable Russian accent.

*Robin Hood (May 14) - Though I have not seen it yet, I'll see any Robin Hood movie. Any. Even Men In Tights.

Shrek 4 (May 21) - I have seen the first 3 Shrek films, but I hesitate to see this one, because it just feels so contrived. I know that sounds ridiculous coming from someone who just said he's seen the first 3, but that's my opinion.

*Prince of Persia (May 28) - Rotten Tomatoes gives it 40%, which is not bad considering it's a videogame adaptation. Who cares though - magic, swords, action? I'm THERE!

Sex & the City 2 (May 28) - My wife and I were fans of the show, but not a fan of the first movie. Can anyone convince me why I should see the sequel?

*Get Him to the Greek (June 4) - After a string of successful comedies he's already been in - Knocked Up, Forgetting Sarah Marshall, and Superbad - I WILL give Jonah Hill the benefit of the doubt and check this film out. Plus Russell Brand CAN be funny. Let's see boys.

Killers (June 4) Ashton Kutcher is not a sure bet in a film. Let's hope Killers is not referring to what this movie will do to the audience.

Marmaduke (June 4) - Do we need another family dog/comedy? Let's avoid this one. Marma - duck

*Splice (June 4) - This sounds so reminscent of Species, which was silly but cool. But it's sci-fi so I'll give it a shot. You know me.

*Karate Kid (June 11) - Jackie Chan is Mr. Miyagi. Hmmm. You know this looks contrived. You KNOW YOU WILL SEE IT. Hopefully we won't be let down. It just might be awesome.

*The A Team (June 11) - We have waited so long for this TV remake. I grew up watching the show, so of course I have high hopes for this movie. PLEASE DON'T LET ME DOWN. It has so much potential . . . to stink.

*Jonah Hex (June 18) - Another comic book adaptation. Cowboys vs. monsters? Yes, I'm there.

Toy Story 3 (June 18) - Only if my daughter wants to see it. If not, can you say DVD rental?

Rise of the Apes (June 24) - O.K. the original Planet of the Apes is one of the top ten greatest sci-fi films of all time. The 3 sequels were pretty much garbage. The recent Tim Burton remake was embarassing (outside of the make-up), and now this new one with little or no advertising. Do you smell something? Yes, it's this movie.

*Grown-Ups (June 25) - Adam Sandler, Chris Rock, Kevin James play childhood friends who get together with their wives and children - You had me at "grown."

Knight and Day (July 2) - Tom Cruise and Cameron Diaz in a spy flick. Can you say Mr. & Mrs. Smith? I pray this is not retread. Tom Cruise doth a good action film maketh.
But, I'll wait for the reviews before deciding to drop $11.

Predators (July 7) - Yes, ANOTHER Predator movie. However, this one promises to revive the spirit of the original. The director said forget the other sequels. I'm trying, sir. I'm really trying.

*The Last Airbender (July 9) - Based on the popular Nickelodeon animated show: Avatar: The Last Airbender, this movie has things working for it and against it. For it - a really cool story with good characters. Against it - a director whose last 5 movies have totally BOMBED. M. Night Shyamalan has a lot of apologies to make. Hopefully, this is it.

*Despicable Me (July 9) - Steve Carell as an animated super-villain? Yes.

*The Sorcerer's Apprentice (July 16) - Nicholas Cage as a sorcerer? OK, I'll go. But only because it's magic.

*Salt (July 23) - Angelina Jolie wearing all-black in an action movie? Well, she hasn't let us down yet. Let's go!

Beastly (July 30) - Disney's teen-version of Beauty & the Beast? I want to scream, but I'm actually looking forward to reading the reviews . . . and laughing.

Little Fockers (July 30) - Speaking of laughing, could this actually be funny? Robert Deniro and Ben Stiller at it again? Maybe . . . but comedy sequels rarely work.

Step Up 3D (August 6) - Throw Up 3D. I mean I like dance movies too. But dance sequels? The third one? Next idea, please.

The Other Guys (August 6) - Let it be known that I will see anything with Will Ferell in it. The movie might be bad, but he WILL make you laugh. That being said, this particular movie also has Samuel Jackson, Mark Wahlberg, The Rock, Eva Mendes, Michael Keaton, Steve Coogan, and Damon Wayans. Chances are, something good will happen. Chances are, something bad will happen, too. Maybe I should wait for DVD. Hey I said I'll see anything with Will Ferrell - not necessarily in the theaters.

*Priest (August 13) - The Catholic Church vs. Vampires? Cool, but isn't that the pot and the kettle? WHOA! Just kidding fellow Catholics! Learn to laugh.

*Scott Pilgrim vs. the World (August 13) - Michael Cera has to defeat all of his girlfriend's ex-boyfriends to win her love? And they are all superheroes? Two tickets please.

The Expendables (August 13) - Sylvester Stallone. Expendable indeed.

Takers (August 20) - The closer you get to the end of the summer, the more skeptical you should be about movie releases. Since it's an action-film, I'll list it, but man does this look like it could be bad. HOWEVER, it is an action-movie, and those are hit/miss. This one is a heist-style thriller in the vein of Heat - the greatest cops and robbers movie ever. For all I know, it just may be the best movie of the summer. We shall see.

See you at the movies!

- Funkyman

Fatal Attraction

2010-05-25T09:19:00.003-04:00

When I was a teenager, I saw Michael Douglas and Glen Close in "Fatal Attraction" and remembered thinking to myself, "Why would he cheat with Glen Close (no offense) when his wife was so beautiful AND so loving?" It made no sense to me. Today however, it makes complete sense to me.

I'm going deep today everyone. Buckle up.

The whole coverage of the Jesse James/Sandra Bullock, David Boreanz, Matt Lauer, Tiger Woods affair thing is getting on my last nerve. I am sick and tired of us acting surprised at the most obvious and common aspect of human nature that dates back further than history records -

MEN DON'T CHEAT BECAUSE THEY ARE EVIL - THEY CHEAT BECAUSE THEY ARE TRYING TO FILL A VOID NO WOMAN CAN FILL - they just don't know it yet.

"He had the perfect life" - no he didn't.

"He had the perfect wife" - no he didn't.

"He had everything" - obviously not.

If the previous three quotes are true, then why can't Jesse James answer the simple question - "Why did you do it?"

ABC news reports:

[Jesse] James admits he shattered a seemingly perfect relationship. I "took a pretty amazing life and amazing success and marriage ... and threw it away by my own hands," he said. But in the midst of his affair, James told Mabrey, he wanted to get caught. "When I was doing it, you know, one, I knew it was horrible, it made me feel horrible. And two, I knew I would get caught eventually, and I think I wanted to get caught," he said. "I know for a fact now what it was, you know. I mean, it was me trying to self-sabotage my life."

Self-sabotage my life? Again, Jesse - WHY? Well, Funkyman to the rescue. The answer is everywhere we look.

On the Internet
"How can we care about others when we don't care about ourselves?" - Funkyman!

In the Bible:
"How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye?" - Matthew 7:4

On a plane:
"In case of a loss in cabin pressure, air masks will automatically be released above your head. Secure the mask on your face first and then help secure the masks on your children." - Your friendly neighborhood flight attendant

In the Bible:
"Love your neighbor as yourself" - Matthew 22:36

On the radio:
"Learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all." - sung by George Benson and later Whitney Houston, and while the sentiment is nice - in truth the greatest love is that someone would lay down their life for his friends (Hey, Bible again) but I digress.

Yes, the truth is that Jesse doesn't love himself, because by his own statements, one who loves him/herself would NOT try to sabotage their life. They would embrace and nurture it. If you love a garden, you wouldn't set it on fire and later say, "I never meant to hurt it because I loved it so much." Your friends would look at the charred remains of your work and wonder what's wrong with you. What's wrong is there is an inexplicable void in all of us. The void is made up of fear, doubt, and insecurity and it is the number one cause of most human failure.

Men and women often use different things to fill the void - video games, gambling, food, drugs, and yes, sex. Somehow we believe that by indulging in these momentary pleasures, we can feel whole and complete - but of course we quickly learn that while they work temporarily, they do not satiate. In fact, we find that the void grows larger and the hunger for these "remedies" increase. It's horrible.

Having fear, doubt, and insecurity does not make you evil, but it certainly can cause you to do things that hurt other people. Yes, Jesse James hurt people - he's not special - so why all the special attention? Just like Tiger Woods, unfortunately this man's failings have to be played out on the magazine covers of the entire world. It's not fair. When your bad day comes, how would you like to face the judgment of the entire world? Especially when most of the world suffers from the same void as you?

And I know what I'm writing about not because I've had an episode of infidelity involving another person, but I certainly have tried to fill my own void with other things (like food), and have had similar results. And yes, you see me mention the Bible a few times in this post because a personal relationship with God has been the ONLY thing that has successfully filled my void of fear, doubt, and insecurity without the "hunger" taking over.

I still have "hunger", but the "hunger" does not have me. That's just my story.

Finding this balance is what Jesse and everyone else has to do so that they can love themselves and THEN be in a relationship with someone else. Unfortunately, Sandra Bullock never saw it coming and didn't know what hit her. I plead with the women of the world - have this conversation with your mates. Learn about and love your other BEFORE getting married. What are their doubts and fears? How do they deal with them? If they don't have God in their life, what do they have?

Temptations and addictions are very real, and they are not your fault. However you must be involved in the recovery process.

Get back what was stolen from you.

Face your fears.

Share your story.

You will find that caring about your own life is a side-effect to being in right relationship with all life.

And for the love of God, stop worrying about marriage infidelity in other relationships.

Deal with your own, nurture and grow it, and let it be its own example.

- Funkyman

RENT

2010-05-22T16:45:00.003-04:00

To my regular readers of Funkyman Blog, please disregard the following entry - this one is personalized. More for you in a couple of days.

It's that time of year again - the epic 6-week preparation for a production of musical excellence. This year's task - RENT.

While I would normally write about things everyone can relate to - this blog is specifically for the cast of RENT, whom so far, I have refused to pat on the back. They know that I do not give them accolades because once a person has it in their minds that they've achieved something, it feels like the end of a journey, when in truth, excellence IS a journey, and they're not done with that journey until the last curtain call. But now that last curtain call has happened.

So RENT cast, here it is - what I REALLY think about you.

SOLOISTS
Jack - You never cease to amaze me. You are self-motivated and always reliable. I honestly don't know how we would have done RAGTIME or RENT without you. Thanks for your hard work and amazing dedication to perform each year. No one else could have played Mark like you did.

Chris - You are a rock star. I hope the success doesn't change your humility, but dude, you are the truth. What would this show have been without your voice? I can't thank you enough for your hard work and your sharing of your gift. Truly a marvel.

Dara - I have watched you grow over the last 3 years, and ironically your last role with us is Collins, because you ARE Collins - strong, smart, funny, and someone everyone wants to know and hang out with. "A wild night is now pre-ordained." Thank you for bringing what you already are to the stage.

Kevin - Despite your penchant for socializing during rehearsals, no one is more dedicated than you to any show. You care about getting it right, and you give it all when you perform. In these last days, thank you drilling your scenes to get it just right. Your singing has come a long way, too, and you made it easy for me this year.

Allie - I am more proud of you than anyone this year. After being in the shadows of Chorus and Chamber Singers as a model ensemble member, you broke out and blew us away not only in the audition but on stage every rehearsal and performance as a soloist to be reckoned with. What can I say? The fact that you're my advisee just goes to prove my theory that COLEMAN ADVISEES RUN THIS TOWN. Take it or leave it. Get it?

Ife - Like I just said, COLEMAN ADVISEES RULE. 3 years and your talent shines more and more. I can't wait for everyone to see your senior recital on THURSDAY, MAY 27 - 7 p.m. - BEVERIDGE HALL (shameless plug), so we can all sit back and enjoy what God has given you. And for taking on the role of Angel in this show, you deserve the award for greatest achievement. You made everyone believe you were a male crossdresser. This proves my theory that I've known for three years now . . . you are weird. :-) Gotcha!

Krissy - Remember in 8th Grade when you had to leave the room because you were so ashamed to hear everybody hear you sing in songwriting class? Where's that girl now? In the lead female role of one of the biggest musicals we've ever done. Just like Jack, you are a marvel to watch work. You learned and produced so much in so little time that there was no real time to appreciate it. You totally rule that stage and your singing is perfection for that role. You have come so far, and thank goodness you never stopped performing. You're only going to get better - trust me.

Jane - Jane is it senior year already? I can't believe that it's almost over. 4 years of being able to be called your teacher have been some of the most precious moments of my life. People shouldn't be able to sing as well and with as much soul as you do. It's uncanny. I think if anything, we can't fully appreciate your gift here at Dana Hall because we don't have enough for you to do. When you approach a microphone, Jane Lee becomes JANE LEE. But of course, you're not getting rid of me that easy. We have (hopefully) 4 more years at Tufts. WOO HOO!

Maddie - Fire. Pure fire. How can I comment on your singing, except to correct the occasional note? You're insane. A mad woman. We're all trapped in your crazy, mixed-up world, and I personally am glad. To say you own "Seasons of Love" is not correct. You killed it. It's dead. No one else can sing it ever again. Seasons of Maddie.

Keelan - You were made for this music. I totally hope that you continue to find songs that fit your voice in this manner, because you really stop the show when you sing. I think I want a Maddie & Keeland CD in the works. Or at least Maddie & Keeland action figures for my desk so I can act like I'm Maddie & Keelan singing "Seasons of Love" when no one else is looking. Keelan, you rock my world.

Vikki - Needing no direction, you just came in and sang the Homeless person with gusto - loved it then, love it now. Obviously, musical theater is your gig. Keep it coming.

Caro - Your dress almost getting caught on Friday made me SMILE. :-) Nice save. You sang your part beautifully. I know this sounds like a weird compliment, but congratulations on playing an annoying mother. Hopefully, you won't grow up to be one!

Cogan - (to the tune of "Alexi Darling") CO-GAN? Mr. COLE-MAN. Good JO-OB. This was you last SHO-OW. Boo-HOO-OOH. We'll MISS-YOU. Come back and VISIT-US. There is one and only CO-GAN! Good job with the SO-LO! Justin would be PROUD. Just KID-DING! I'm proud.

Alejandra - Good job, the focus and work paid off. Sorry you got stuck with singing the 9 of the chord, but you did it! Congratulations!

Sarah G. - I hope you can apprecaite the show being over and me being able to say "YOU NAILED IT." Congratulations, and thanks for your hard work, Sarah.

EJ - Wish we had more time to talk, but it was so nice to get to know you. Great job with Mr. Jefferson, and hope you can do future productions!

Margaret - I only wish we had more for you to do in the show - Mrs. Jefferson says TWO WORDS! But you did your part very well, and you needed little direction from me. Thanks for making it easy.

Caroline - One of my favorite moments of the show is when we pick up in the "La Vie Boheme" with your solo. You take us out of the heaviness of "I Should Tell You" back into the party of the final scene of Act I. So glad you were here to do it. So glad.

Emily - Timing is everything in RENT. Thanks for working to get that scene perfect. It was.

Laura - Being the first non-lead soloist in the show is a little intimidating, but you made it look and sound like it was no sweat. Thanks for lending your beautiful voice to that scene - it set the bar high for everyone else.

Casey, Sarah T., and Emma P. - The only thing that your frustration with those harmonies proved is that you are all Sopranos. That part was low, and I always thought it would be a stretch to do without assiging altos to the role. Nevertheless, we picked the right people and that scene - the most bizarre scene in the show - worked well because you all cared enough to make it that way. Thanks for your hard work.

Isabelle - Playing roles intended for men is tricky, especially when trying to sing them in the original key and in the same range as the male voice. But you did it! Thanks for your attention to detail to make that scene work.

Nick A. - Though it may take you a little longer to learn the music, when you do, it's exceptional. You sang your solo with such beauty - it's clear you're a great musician. Great job.

Nick R. - You have a beautiful voice. I hope you get to sing more in the future. How appropriate your character's name was "The Man." That you are.

Lindsay - Who knew you were signing up to be a rap star? - "HONEST LIVING" off her hot new CD "FELIZ NAVIDAD" - yes it's MC HOW A.T.! Small part, but one everyone remembers from the show.

Joe - "And a Merry Christmas to your family." Ever since you rehearsed that line, it was right every time. When you inquired about "Christmas Bells," you got that right too. Clear examples of how focus and care can yield great results. Thanks Joe!

To Olivia, Caiti, Jillian, Emma M., Jessica, Ada, KC, Michelle, Emma D., Eliot, Ned, and Margaret - Though you did not have a "solo" - you were all featured singers in this show. Let us not forget that 20 people did NOT make it into the show, and you did. We wanted a strong vocal ensemble, and we got it. Remember when I said the strength of a great show lies not in the leads, but in the chorus? You did it.

You guys were all a pleasure to teach. Despite my frustration with "Christmas Bells" early on and my campaign for correct harmony :-), I was more than pleased with the end result. I am so proud to have been your music director, but alas the show is over.

My heart is with all of you as you finish the school year, prepare for the next, or graduate, prepare for college, or for whatever life has for you. As usual, the whole experience for me was . . .

- Funky . . . man

The Promise

2010-05-18T09:18:00.006-04:00

Lena Horne died last week at the beautiful age of 92 - same as my grandmother who passed last year. Though my grandmother was not an internationally acclaimed movie star, Tony award winning actress, or world class singer, they did share many things in common.

Both my grandmother and Ms. Horne grew up in the one of the most socially turbulent eras of American history.
Both my grandmother and Ms. Horne were very light-skinned African American women.
Both my grandmother and Ms. Horne passed for white during the 30's and 40's.
Both my grandmother and Ms. Horne grew to be powerful fighters in the crusade for Civil Rights.
Both my grandmother and Ms. Horne lived to see great grandchildren, and . . .
Both my grandmother and Ms. Horne lived to see the United States of America choose a person of color to be the leader of the free world.

Despite their struggles, they lived exceptional lives - lives that have affected so many others. As I reflect on the power of the life of Lena Horne, I remind myself that she was part of the promise. What is the promise, you ask? The promise is . . .

women.

As I type this blog from the four walls of Study Hall, I find myself surrounded by the promise - young women in their teens preparing their hearts and minds for the journey ahead. At home, I share space with my wife and my daughter - and as I make this revelation, I understand my purpose in life.

Keeper of the Promise

I am not the promise. No man is. Yes, we are often bigger, stronger, and faster, but those genetics are pre-ordained for good reason - our job. Our job is to be the keepers of the promise - protectors of the true cradles of life, helpers to the nurturers of children, receivers of the well-spring of inspiration, witnesses to the beauty of creation, and partners in the walk of life.

Does this make women more important than men? Sorry to break your bubble, but yes. However, that is not an order of superiority - it is simply . . . order.

For a Christian analogy - When Jesus left and placed the disciples in charge of building the church, he gave them a job - being keepers of the promise. Jesus was the promise, and though it is a privilege to carry the promise in your heart, we will never be more important than the promise itself. It's the same for men and women.

Why do you think the Bible refers to men as the head of the household? This is commonly misunderstood as chauvinism and the purporting of the idea that men have more value than women. However, if you look closer, being head of the household means providing for and protecting THAT WHICH IS VALUABLE. It ain't about us - and any man out there who thinks he's the "king of the castle" - you're wrong. You're a servant to your spouse and children. As a matter of fact, you are the head servant - the head of the household. A steward if you will.

The Bible also says "Wives submit to your husbands" which again is misunderstood as women being subordinate to men. However, if men were REALLY doing their job of serving, this scripture would be understood as "Wives, allow your husband to do his service." This can only be misconstrued as sexism if men are in the dark about their true purpose.

I know what my purpose is now. I have been entrusted to be a husband and a father to a precious woman and a precious girl, and I am a teacher at a premiere private school for 480 more. And if my grandmother and Lena Horne taught me anything . . .

I know I wouldn't be here without my grandmother.

I know I wouldn't be at this job without Lena Horne. As an African-American, I am thankful to be able to stand on the shoulders of both of these giant women.

As a man, I am thankful to have such an honored task.

Men - do your job, and recognize what a privilege it is to be in right relationship with women.

- Funkyman

Intentions

2010-05-11T09:08:00.004-04:00

USA Today reports:

"A Michigan elementary school is accused of violating a ban on racial preference in public schools by allowing 30 African-American students to take a field trip to hear from a black rocket scientist without inviting other students. School officials said they hoped the trip would inspire the African-American group to consider science and engineering as a career. The 30 students are members of the Lunch Bunch, a peer-support group set up to help students struggling academically. It was created to help improve African-American students, but is open to any students, although only black students currently are members."

What this article does not include is that when the students returned to school they were booed by the other students because they were allowed eat lunch out and have a field trip, followed by the principal hearing the boos and coming in immediately to have a passionate, charged discussion about race in America. Parents of the left-behind children began to call and write the school outraged over their kids being left behind.

Got all that?

Wow. OK.

There are only two points Funkyman would like to make.

Point #1 - If you were to substitute the word "Caucasian" for "African-American" or "black" in that story, right now there would be literally rioting in the streets. If students of color got left behind at school one day because the white students went on a field trip to meet an astronaut, Al Sharpton would be on television 24 hours a day with coverage about how we need to wake up and see the evils of society on display in Michigan.

We wouldn't tolerate it. And we'd be right. So would Reverend Al.

This is why the kids booed their classmates, and why parents are in an uproar with the simple obvious question - "Why couldn't you have had the rocket scientist come to school so all the kids could meet him?" Hard to argue with that logic, but there is a second point.

Point #2 - Intention. Though poorly handled this field trip was, the heart of the decision was trying to address a larger problem of African American children not believing that science is a viable or worthwhile field to go into. By creating this trip, the principal tried to make a difference, and his hope was that some person of color would be inspired and see that it's possible to succeed. There is not room enough in this blog to explore the intracacies of why today's reactionary segregation by group is a direct result of the past's deliberate segregation based on prejudice. The "lunch bunch" was not trying to hurt others by their actions. To his credit, the principal did write a letter to the parents saying the situation was handled poorly.

Commendable, right? But wait.

The problem with the "intention" argument in this story is that in the very same letter, the princpal's apology was then followed by the statement that he thought it was ALL worth it when he saw the spark of inspiration in the eyes of the Lunch Bunch kids.

Um, dude . . . let me clear my throat.

YOU'RE THE PRINCIPAL OF AN ENTIRE SCHOOL - INSPIRE ALL OF THE CHILDREN! - THERE ARE LATINO, ASIAN, CAUCASIAN, AND OTHER STUDENTS WHO ARE DEPRESSED, CONSIDERING DRUGS, ALCOHOL, AND DEATH, COMING FROM BROKEN HOMES, WITH LITTLE OR NO FAITH. BLACK KIDS ARE NOT THE ONLY UNDERPRIVILEGED ONES IN SCHOOL. HELP ALL OF US. THIS FIELD TRIP WAS A "FAIL." "IT WAS WORTH IT?!" WHAT GOOD IS THE INSPIRATION OF A FEW BLACK STUDENTS WHEN YOU'VE LEFT THE OTHERS BEHIND - LITERALLY?

Racism is very real, and reaction to its effects is what happened there in Michigan. However, we as black people have to be able to recognize our own mistakes. Despite our best intentions, our attempts to deal with the effects of racism can be just as bad as the problem itself. The Lunch Bunch is not a bad idea. The exclusionary field trip was.

"I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at a table of brotherhood."

Just not at lunch, right? Come on people.

- Funkyman

Funkyman Update

2010-05-04T09:21:00.002-04:00

Hello Funkyville,

No deep ponderings this week. I have been up to so many things, I just can't write about one, so . . . here it comes.

KIELY WILLIAMS MANAGER RESPONDS TO FUNKYMAN
Yes, I forwarded an abridged version of my blog to her manager simply to express that their "message" was being lost in translation. The manager (her sister) responded that they find it interesting that so much attention is being given to this, and that they expect Spring Break and MTV to be cancelled this year because of the outrage of the public over these issues.

?????????????????

I find it interesting that they find it interesting, and that they have no perspective on how layered a situation this is. Exactly what did they expect the response to be? Oh well, some things we will never understand.

COPPELIA
Saw the Boston Ballet production of Coppelia with my family and it was AMAZING. I'm not a huge fan of ballet, but even I could appreciate the genius and pure athleticism of what I witnessed. I highly recommend seeing a good ballet. A GOOD ballet.

TUFTS GOSPEL CHOIR CONCERT
On Friday, April 23rd, over 200 voices came together for the Spring Gospel Concert at Tufts. Long story short, it was epic, and the choir presented me with a couple of gifts that literally had me crying on stage. They got to me in a big way, and I thank them right back. More importantly, I have a new direction in life. More on that later!

ILLNESS
Mere hours after that concert, I got SICK. I mean sick. Was it something I ate? Was it someone I was near? Was it of this world? I don't know, but I wanted it OUT of me. It took 3 days to be back on my feet. No fun.

DANA HALL SPRING CONCERT
On Friday, April 30, over 200 students came together for the Spring Concert at Dana Hall School. Long story short, it was epic. Yes, TWO epic concerts in the space of 8 days. When these concerts are finished, I can focus all of my energy on . . .

RENT
No, not paying rent - RENT the musical. On May 21 and 22 Dana Hall School & Belmont Hill School will present RENT - and it's going to be . . . epic. We are in rehearsals 6 days a week, and it's coming together. I was not able to attend rehearsal last night because I was at the . . .

pA.R.T.y
The American Repertory Theater has an annual gala fundraising event called the pA.R.T.y, and it costs $600 a ticket.

I'll wait.

YES, $600 a ticket. Lucky for Funkyman, I was invited to perform for the event, and reprise some songs from the show I music directed back in December - Best of Both Worlds. I accompanied world-class Broadway stars Darius De Haas (RENT) and Jeanette Bayardelle (THE COLOR PURPLE, HAIR) and besides the show music, they also sang Stevie Wonder's "Don't You Worry About a Thing" and Aretha Franklin's "Natural Woman."

Did I mention the costume designer for Best of Both Worlds was Emilio Sosa - Project Runway finalist from this past season? He was there too - good times. Oh, and I ate gold.

I'll wait.

I

ATE

GOLD

I had heard of this once - rich people eating flavorless, odorless gold. There's a picture of a jar of edible gold above. Why would they do this? I suppose it signifies some level of wealth or status or style. Who knew food had bling?

But sure enough, I'm standing there during cocktails, and someone approached me with a platter -

"Would you like Shrimp with Gold?"

"I'm sorry, I thought you said 'gold.'"

"I did. It's shrimp with a sliver of 14K gold on top."

"Alrighty then. Is this legal?"

"Of course, it's edible gold. You don't taste it."

"If you don't taste it, then why . . . Hey aren't there people dying of starvation all over the world, and we're standing here at some $600 a plate dinner eating GOLD?!!!! WHAT'S WRONG WITH THIS WORLD? DON'T WE HAVE ANY SHAME? FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY!!!!!"

Well, that's not exactly what I said. It went more like . . .

"Thank you. It was delicious!"

- Funkyman 14K

An Open Letter to Kiely Williams

2010-04-11T21:22:00.004-04:00

In response to outrage from her new video, "Spectacular," former 3LW/Cheetah Girl Kiely Williams addresses her public with this statement.

ATTENTION: I am an actress and performer. I have been so since my first role in a television pilot at five years old. I played a character when I was a Cheetah Girl. I am playing a character in the music video for the song Spectacular, as I did in the Cheetah Girl movies.

The fact is, that sometimes women get intoxicated and have unprotected sex. My video puts this issue front and center. It is absurd to infer or suggest that I am condoning this behavior. Are LadyGaga and Beyonce advocating murder with the Telephone video? Of, course not. Was Rihanna encouraging suicide with Russian Roulette? No. Was Madonna suggesting that young unmarried girls get pregnant with PapaDont Preach? I dont think so. Is Academy Award winner Monique a proponent of incest because of her portrayal of Mary in the movie Precious. Clearly, the answer is no.

I wrote Spectacular and made the video to bring attention to a serious womens health and safety issue. Dont shoot the messenger."

This is my response.

Dear Kiely,

You know why I am writing, but I want you to know that I am not easily provoked into addressing anyone directly in the performing arts. Performing arts are just that - performances. However, there are a couple of points I would like to raise concerning who you represent to us and what you have created.

You defend your portrayal of a girl who makes bad choices by saying you're an actor. That part is fine. In theater, there is an invisible line between the performer and the character that the audience perceives. However, your characters in the past have had other names - your 5-year old television character, your Cheetah Girl character, etc. - easy to see that line. When we click on your video, it says "KIELY WILLIAMS - SPECTACULAR" so you can see why this makes it more difficult to separate you the artist from the subject character making bad choices. The theatrical line is thinner.

The problem is that the character you portray, confirmed by both the lyrics and the video, does not tell any other story other than of the 1st person perspective of someone who ENJOYED the choices they made. Therefore, how does this bring attention to women's safety issues - especially to a girl out there who is LIVING the exact lifestyle you describe? You're right - sometimes women get intoxicated and have unprotected sex. "Spectacular" is now their anthem. The issue you want to put front and center never arises - only the description of the encounter.

We don't believe Kiely Williams wants to condone this behavior. We're saying the execution of your song and video DO just that.

You cannot compare this to Lady Gaga and Beyonce's video - a dramatic film with opening credits clearly distinguishing the theatrical line necessary to separate the artists from the actions they perform.
You cannot compare this to Rihanna's Russian Roulette because in the lyrics it is clear that this is a metaphor for love/relationships - not a direct translation about suicide.
You cannot compare this to Madonna's Papa Don't Preach because we hear and feel the anguish of the character. Both the lyrics and video portray a girl who is unhappy with the situation, but moving forward. That's not a message to get pregnant. It's a message to move forward.

When are the lyrics to your song, "Spectacular" showing us this character is wrong? When does your video point to the women's health and safety concerns? Exactly. This is why there is outrage.

I teach at an all girl's school where we often address women's health and safety issues. I would be hard pressed to find one student or adult who would agree that your video helps shine the light on a safety issue, but rather could so easily be perceived as the glorification of the exact type of behavior you seek to address. This community is your target audience - young women presented with these choices. Your message is being lost, believe me. You are more than an artist, you're famous.

And let's not get it twisted - there is a difference between being an artist and being an artist who is a STAR. You are a star Kiely - more people pay attention, more people care. How did you get to be a star? Talent and your embrace of POSITIVE IDEALS that your FANS were willing to pay for to support. Why else would that same fan base have an issue with this? Do you think you would have gotten 400,000 views on your new song if you were just an "artist"?

As for you referencing the Cheetah Girls as a character you played: I distinctly remember you being interviewed during the height of the Cheetah Girls fame saying how proud you were to be a part of something positive for girls to look up to. Now, you reference that experience as playing a character. How come you weren't saying then, "Hey girls, don't adore me and believe I'm really like this. I'm just playing a character." No, you knew that people saw beyond the character and liked Kiely. Your talent PLUS your positive image is why you're a star today. And there was no problem with that. Why else would we question "Spectacular" if not for you already having established an emotional connection with your audience? Come on Kiely.

And yes, I'm a grown man who has seen all 3 Cheetah Girl movies because I have a 6-year old daughter who adores you. I am a responsible parent, and I will not allow her to see what you are doing now. However, the next time she asks "What happened to the Cheetah Girls?," I'll have to pause before I respond . . .

You have every right to make the music and videos you choose to. We the audience have every right to be outraged by the seeming lack of thought that went into the choices that were made. Best wishes to you in your career and continuing to bring to light women's health and safety issues. I believe it's people's concern for both that created the outrage to your song in the first place. You say you wanted to spark a conversation about these issues . . .

Mission accomplished.

- Funkyman

What's My Name?

2010-04-06T09:40:00.002-04:00

Dear Funkemia,

Last year I wrote a blog on different nicknames I've had, but I can't believe I left one out.

My parents gave me the name David Freeman Coleman. David is a Hebrew name that means "beloved." Freeman is my mother's maiden name and speaks for itself. Coleman is an English/Scottish name which means someone who deals or works with coal. So basically, I am beloved . . . free . . . coalminer. Not exciting, I know. I like Funkyman better too. Click here for the origin of Funkyman. But today is not about Funkyman. I have a story about the first nickname I ever got, all the way back in elementary school.

I share that story with you now - live - as we go into the heart of the boy who was known as . . .

CONCRETE BUSTER

Here's the story. I was in 6th grade. My school was in the inner city of Memphis and our playground was a parking lot - no slides or swings - just a parking lot. Therefore, it was very common for us to play 4-square or just hang out. But when it came time for P.E. the game of choice was - KICKBALL.

P.E. was never my favorite class. I'm not athletic and there is way too much stress surrounding picking teams when you're a kid. And like all classes, there are rules, and some teachers abide by those rules more strictly than others. I had a teacher that was very strict.

One day I got to school and realized I had forgotten my sneakers for P.E. I told the coach, thinking he would let me sit out for that class and just watch. But no, he said "Well then you'll just have to wear your school shoes."

Let me explain to you my school shoes - Black, hard bottom, Buster Browns. That's right - here's me walking outside of the locker room to join my class - T-shirt, shorts, white gym socks and my BLACK BUSTER BROWNS.

(COMMENCE WITH CLASS-WIDE LAUGHTER)

But the humiliation didn't end there. As we were walking to the parking lot, someone cracked, "Dag, he's breaking the concrete with those shoes." And Concrete Buster was born. Coach says "Let's play kickball. Marcus and Chris - choose teams." When Marcus picked me, he said - "I'll take Concrete Buster." (HARK! is that more laughter I hear?) Then the game began, and eventually it was my turn to kick. "Come on Concrete Buster!" The kid rolled the ball and I landed a solid kick on that thing.

BOOMP

That ball went so high and so far, it went out of the parking lot, over the fence, and into the neighboring field. The kids were SCREAMING. I ran a home-run in my Buster Browns, and the game was officially over because CONCRETE BUSTER lost the ball. The kids were crying from laughter, and you know what . . . ?

I was laughing too. It was hilarious. I was called Concrete Buster until I graduated from that school in 8th grade. Thank God I started High School on my way to becoming JACKSON, GERSHWIN, and eventually . . .

- Funkyman

The Dark Side Won't Win

2010-03-29T20:53:00.003-04:00

My dear Funkitians,

I was planning on being funny this week, but then I read about all this stuff with the Pope. So apologies in advance.

Two quotes I often hear are:

"There's something wrong with the church!" and "That's why I don't go to church."

I will normally hear people say this after some story breaks about molestation of children by Catholic priests.

Please know that personally I believe that there is a special place in hell for the priests who commit these crimes without repentance and forgiveness.

And if you don't believe that there is a hell, you probably don't believe there is a God, so this particular blog entry won't interest you much. You can stop reading now. I can't prove there is a hell anymore than I can prove there is a God. However, if the love, joy, and peace I associate with God's presence is a taste of what heaven is like, then surely pain, sickness, and chaos can hint at something of the opposite extreme and being out of God's presence. But that is a question of faith, and I digress.

To those disenchanted with the church - pastors who lie and steal from their congregations, politics and infighting within church ministries, cliques and socialized groups in church that can create the exclusion of others, whatever - I have this to say.

Just because there is a no-good cop abusing his power doesn't mean I don't love the good police and recognize the basic need for law enforcement on Earth.

Just because a teacher has it in for you and makes your life miserable doesn't mean all teachers are evil and that teaching has ceased to be the noblest profession on Earth.

Just because a woman breaks my heart doesn't mean I should have a vendetta against all other women and get payback at the next one or ten I meet.

Just because a baby gets dirty and makes dirty water while taking a bath doesn't mean you throw the baby out with the bathwater.

And just because there are leaders in the Catholic church who have been involved in heartless sinful crimes against humanity doesn't mean the ENTIRE church is corrupt and there is no reason to go to church or believe in God.

Because . . . church is made up of people. The imperfection is built in. You say there's something wrong with the church?

God would agree. Help Him by continuing to build His kingdom on earth as it is in heaven.

Don't just bail.

Now I gotta go find my humor again after I pray for all of the children and families affected by these crimes. Yeah, I guess I'll pray for the priests too.

Wow - a mess.

- Funkyman

Wait-Loss

2010-03-22T00:24:00.005-04:00

They used to tell us that too much TV, movies, video games, or (fantasy) books would be unhealthy because it would warp our sense of reality.

How about reality shows? Is too much reality a bad thing too? But then again, are reality shows . . . reality? Aren't "REALITY" and "SHOW" exact opposites? I love the irony.

While I would love to see a reality show about the making of reality shows . . . (think about that for a moment), we will have to settle for the closest thing - people living their lives with CAMERAS in their face supposedly acting and reacting realistically. While I have no problem with people deciding to show their lives on camera, I do consider there to be taboos - and they are personal.

Shows that deal with weight loss or weight gain are a sensitive topic for me because not only is it America's #1 social/medical issue, it was a weight-loss show that helped inspire me to be born again with my health - the Biggest Loser.

Now don't get me wrong - I personally think that this show has serious cons as well as pros. Being in a gym for hours a day with cameras on you while trainers scream at you - all for the promise of life-changing habits and a possible $250,000 - well, that's not the real world is it?

However, the people on the show ARE real. They have real problems, real emotions, and real desires to change. And that to me is enough to watch the show. I certainly understand the battle with weight, health, exercise, and the compulsion to eat whether happy or sad. I deal with it daily - and that really is the bottom line. You really have to take the battle with choices one day at a time. The moment you project into tomorrow, next week, or next year, the battle is lost - you will choose food and not to exercise over what's best for you everytime. However, if you wake up, surrender your will to a higher power, and decide that for that ONE day only, you will live your best life, you will make good choices and find that you won't make decisions based on how you feel.

Because TODAY is the only day you have. We can't imagine "how will I keep this up?" because TOMORROW is not promised. If it feels like too much to bear, it's because you believe you have lots of time left to live. That makes us feel like we're waiting. Waiting for the LONG life we have ahead of us. And the WAIT makes time pass very slowly and entices us to make bad choices.

Truth is, you may very well have a long life ahead of you. However, the best way to ensure you are able to be around to experience it is to take care of yourself TODAY - the only real day you have left. What are we waiting on?

THE WAIT IS OVER. STOP WAITING TO LIVE. YOU ARE HERE NOW. YOU CAN DO IT.

While The Biggest Loser is the mother of all weight loss shows, there are some other shows popping up that are drawing my attention.

RUBY - This show focuses on a woman who started out at almost 700 lbs. and documents her struggles with life, health and weight loss. So far she has lost over 300 lbs. and the show has a loyal following. I have to say that in general, people are inspired by her willingness to display this process, and the good news is that it's taking place steadily over time - not a rush job - 3 months (a Biggest Loser "con.")

Kirstie Alley's BIG LIFE - Ummm . . . I don't think this is good. I mean, this is clearly self-promotion. This is not inspiring or meant to inspire. She is advertising her own brand of weight loss products - all the while playing up the fact that she struggles with her weight. To Kirstie, I say . . . if you don't like paparazzi and tabloids making fun of your weight, why give them fuel for the fire? I know you think you're fighting back by making money off of the attention, but don't forget who you're making money from - US. We don't need an anti-hero. We need empathy and inspiration.

And last but not least - Donna Simpson. I hesitate to write that name because it leads to promotion of her cause. What is her cause you say? Well she already weighs over 600 lbs. and has set up a website where you can watch her eat fast food until she reaches her goal of weighing 1,000 lbs.

I'll wait . . .

Yes, 1,000 lbs. Remember what I said about too much of reality shows? And anyone who believes that this is a good thing because it will disgust other overweight people into giving up bad habits is sorely mistaken. At best this will help us all feel justified in eating that next fattening bite because certainly we would never go this far.

Because reality TV's secret to success is that we watch and enjoy the crazy antics of the characters because we know we can't get away behaving that way - in a way, we feel superior to them. Real Housewives of whatever, Bad Girls Club, Flavor of Love, Rock of Love, For the Love of Ray J, Being Bobby Brown, Charm School, Jersey Shore, Jon and Kate Plus 8 - you watch these shows because you relate?

No, it's funny to us. And hey, I'm guilty. Remember my love for Maury Paternity Shows? If you missed it, here it is.

However, let's be serious. At least the Maury paternity shows are attempting to secure parents for deserving, helpless children. Lots of reality shows have an underlying positive mission - despite the negatives.

However, when it comes to life and death, that's not funny. Would we support and watch a show where someone played Russian Roulette? Probably not, but how is that different than the 1,000 lb. lady? It's not. And that's what inspired me to write today. A simple letter that says:

Dear Funkynation,

I struggle with my health as you do. However, the two philosophies "I care about my health" and "I don't care" cannot coexist in the same mind. As we deal with this daily struggle, keep this in mind.

1 Corinthians 3:16-17

I pray for you, you pray for me.

And to Donna Simpson - stop the madness.

- Funkyman

FUNKYMAN and funkygirl 2007

FUNKYMAN and funkygirl 2009

The Countdown Begins

2010-03-09T10:51:00.005-05:00

When is old old?

It seems like just yesterday, I was at my family's favorite Chinese Restaurant and then I saw it . . .

Outside the window there was a clown walking with a gigantic collection of balloons - 40 to be exact. My heart raced as the clown entered the restaurant and made his way to the back room where we were sitting. He came through the door with all of those balloons and we all said "HAPPY 40TH BIRTHDAY, DAD!" You should have seen the comedy - not of this clown making my dad blush, but of watching us trying to get home in our car when we realized we had to fit 40 balloons in the car with us. We looked like something out of the circus ourselves - a car filled with nothing but balloons and 5 faces trying to breathe.

That was 1984. Good times.

Next year, on March 13, 2011, I will turn 40 years old. How did this happen?

I certainly remember thinking, "Wow. 40. That's old." when I was looking at my Dad that night. It seemed like such a milestone. But here I am facing 40 down in about a year, and I have to say, "Wow. 40. That's old." Now, the truth is, I don't "feel" 40 - but what does 40 "feel" like? I don't "look" 40 - people rarely guess my correct age. Is 40 the new 30? I don't know. What I do know is this. I'm turning 39 this week, and as I hold on to the last year this side of 40, here's what I plan to do next year when I turn 40 . . .

I plan to celebrate.

Of course, this is just a plan. The truth is, life is not promised to us. I can't truly expect to be here next year, next month, or even tomorrow.
All I've got is today. But for today, I will plan - not expect. I plan to hold a concert sometime in late February/early March - a concert/CD release of THE ADVENTURES OF FUNKYMAN. I have never done a concert featuring me before. I have never done a concert featuring my secular songs. Here it comes - get ready. More info coming.

For now, I will prepare for March 13, 2010 - 39 years old.

Below this entry, you will find an mp3 of a cut from that upcoming CD - "Clark Kent."
It's not only a shy-guy-longing-for-girl metaphor for Superman. It's how I feel about life sometimes - my so-called mid-life crisis.

In September 2008, I wrote a reflective blog on my mid-life "crisis." Click here if you missed it. Here's a quote from that entry:

I am healthy.
I am not a slave.
I have the right to vote.
I eat every day.
I have two parents who love me and provided for me.
I have an education.
I am surrounded by people, students, and colleagues who appreciate not only the talents God gave me, but me.
I am married to the person God consecrated for me.
I am the father to an angel (in training!).

So, 39 years is more than some have had, and is more than I was promised.

Hope to see you all on the other side of 40 next year.

- Funkyman

2010-03-09T10:40:00.002-05:00

“Clark Kent”

I'm a shy guy climbing up the wrong side of a mountain too high.
I can't see the top. When you see me drop,
I fall down all the way to touch ground. On my feet I rebound.
Think I'm hurt? I'm not. And I'll never stop being afraid of you.
Totally get why you would forget my name.

I've heard that nice guys finish last. Well nice try,
They run past me all the time at the finish line while I fall behind
In last place. Once again I'm too late, running in the lowest lane.
Do you even recognize my face?
Bad boys and heroes alike, even they can guess why you forget my name.

On this planet daily I am
Working right beside you, but what I do won’t excite you.
No small town boy could ever fly.
I'm not even a contender, no reason why you'd remember me.

I say hi, and you walk by,
Faster than a locomotive like I never spoke a word.
You see through me – so can I.
It’s burning up my vision, I can’t see the right direction

The question is there in my head.
When I met you, what was it I said
To make you so clearly forget?
Maybe I’m no man of steel. Is that why I try to conceal my real . . .

. . . name?

We Are the Least

2010-03-02T20:47:00.004-05:00

This is a funky shout-out to all of those involved in efforts to help those in need here at home and around the world. Regardless of the debacle of the "We are the World" remake - seriously the worst thing I've heard since I can remember - the intention is correct and God bless them for their efforts. However, if you hear that song and it sounds like it was thrown together in a day - well, it was. The original 1985 version was an instant hit for a reason - it was GOOD. Let's keep the spirit of the both the original and the reanimated-zombie-possessed-version alive as we give.

As I reflect on the world's issues, I truly recognize my blessing, and that God expects great service from me. To whom much is given, much is required, and as we dwell in wealth - freedom, shelter, food, and fellowship - we are called to help those without.

You know, the Bible says - "Whatever you do for the least of my people, you do for Me." But the Bible also says, "Blessed are the meek. They shall inherit the earth."

If the meek shall inherit the earth, why does God need us to do things for the least of His people? The answer is, the meek are not the least of His people - we are.

In God's eyes, the least of His people are not the disenfranchised, poor, imprisoned, or the ignorant. The least of His people are those with education, abilities, and power and/or knowledge of God Himself and choose not to use it to help others. He doesn't only want us with gifts to have mercy on those without. He already holds those people closest to Him in His heart. He wants those who recognize they have less to have mercy on those who refuse to listen to God's word to help others.

If we were to all give unconditionally to those in need, we would immediately end most of the world's ineptitude. I have a saying: "If everybody did something, there would be nothing left to do."

That 1985 song says, "There's a choice we're making. We're saving our own lives."

That may be corny, but it's completely true. This is not about doing a good deed - it's about preserving the very life that you love, and spreading the love that life gives you.

It's synergy.

World peace thoughts to America, Iraq, Pakistan, Haiti, Chile and beyond from . . .

- Funkyman

Lollapa-loser

2010-02-16T20:27:00.004-05:00

Hello Funkymananites,

One of my favorite things to do is to create original band names. I have often been caught saying, "That's a great band name" after someone orders something at a restaurant -

"Steak Au Poivre, please."

"Hey, now that's a great band name."

Of course, that's NOT a great band name, but you get the point.

Today I invented a really cool band name that I then looked up on Google to make sure it's not already taken. And since only two people read this blog, I'm not afraid of sharing it with you:

FAIL

Now, coming from someone who directs gospel choirs for a living, I know this may seem ironic. However, rock band names are rarely about positivity and often about rebelling against the normal ideals of society. Everything we do in life is in preparation of suceeding at SOMETHING. It's what we're supposed to do. Even if we do fail, we encourage each other to get back up again. So how perfect is this for a rock band name?

FAIL, featuring their new hit song "Fail" from the debut album FAIL. Now, you don't have to feel so bad when life gets you down. Finally a band that embodies everything you really feel in those low times - FAIL.

"Man, how did you do on that test?"

FAIL

"Dude, what did you get for Valentine's Day?"

FAIL

"Bro, how's the situation in Iraq?"

FAIL

"Homie, did you hear that new song from my favorite band?"

"Yes . . . and did you just call me homie?"

FAIL - Yes, FAIL is back and ready to rock you into total and complete devastating depression. Rock out to songs like:

- "No Matter How Hard You Try, You WIll Fail"

- The power ballad that rose to last year's top of the charts - "You Lose"

- The ultimate reality check song - "God Said No"

- The ever-inspiring anthem to accept defeat - "Just Quit"

- And the hidden bonus track for failures everywhere, "Why Are You Still Here?"

- AND these other hits:
"The Lie of Success"
"Party in the U.S.A."
"Tik-Tok"
"Just Dance"
"Down"
"We Are the World (remix)"

Oh wait, those last 5 songs are actually songs. (Actually, the Lady Gaga song is cool, the rest . . . don't get me started.)

Actually, yes get me started. I will say just one thing . . . LIL' WAYNE IS IN THE NEW "WE ARE THE WORLD!" THERE IS SOMETHING REALLY WRONG HERE. We now return to the regularly scheduled adventures of Funkyman.

Of course you do realize the ultimate irony of a successful band named FAIL. Enough negative comedy, onward!

To close, below are the names of every band I've ever been in, listed chronologically.

End Construction - My first band consisted of me on keyboard and Steve Willett on drums. We were juniors in high school and used to get together just to jam but actually got two paying gigs out of it. The first gig was downtown playing on the street while people involved in a race to raise money would jog by. Right next to where we were told to play was a large orange sign that read "End Construction." The rest is history. Literally.

The Others - When I came to college, my closest friend was Augusto Garay and he and I would finish each other's sentences. Because of our ability to do that, people said we were each other's other. Thus our band name. He played drum machine, played guitar and sang lead, and I played . . . keyboards and sang backing vocals. We were only a recording band, though we have over 4 hours of recorded material. This is where I got my early experience with home recording and song arranging.

Revelation - While I had directed gospel choirs before, I had never been a part of an actual Gospel group that did gigs. Revelation was an all-male gospel group who sang songs from Commisioned, The Winans, etc. They were my inspiration for starting my own gospel group years later. The word "revelation" of course refers to the final book of the Bible.

Confirmation - My own gospel group was founded in 1999 and we've done it all - concerts, tours, service work, recording - OK, no videos, but the night is still young. We're still together after 10 years. Not enough time today to explain why I chose this name for the group. For samples of our new CD, check out this link.

Honey & the Bees - The last band I was in also had the most potential for national and international success. I played . . . hmmm . . . yes you guessed it - banjo. No, it was keyboard, but I also played bass, sang vocals and rappped. It was a 4-man band and we played everything from Sting to Prince to Peter Gabriel to Dave Matthews to our own originals. We once opened for George Clinton & P-Funk - a real career highlight for me, being only a funky-child of the funk-master. Fabrice Dupont was our band leader and we had an amazing time. Of course our band name was a little off. Honey & the Bees was inspired by something Fab saw one night working in the catwalk of a nightclub. He looked down at the dancefloor and saw all of these guys circling and being drawn to this girl. He thought is was like bees going to honey and thus wrote a song about it and later named the band that - thinking people would flock to us like bees to honey. The only problem is . . . BEES MAKE HONEY. They're drawn to pollen. Of course, "Pollen and the Bees" doesn't really work so . . .after many debates, we changed the name of the band to . . .

Slant - which is what we were called when I left the band to accept a job at the Dana Hall School in 2001. Fab still won't talk to me.

Just kidding, we're great friends. It was just a deferred dream.

Hey, that's a good name for a band.

- Funkyman

AVATAR Issues

2010-02-05T10:18:00.007-05:00

If you have seen Avatar, please read this blog.

If you have NOT seen Avatar, but plan to, do NOT read this blog.

If you have NOT seen Avatar, and do NOT plan to, you need to get out more, really.

OK, I just saw the first movie I've been able to get to in months, and of course I chose Avatar because it's all the hub-bub. I will start by saying, WOW. Ok, now that that's over, let's talk.

Thank you James Cameron and staff for creating visual eye-candy for 2.5 hours. I mean, seeing this in the theater is the only option and if you can see it in IMAX 3-D, even better. It's worth every penny, and I would easily pay to see it twice. Because once this thing hits DVD, it will be SO over. This will look very simple and silly on the small screen.

However, there are a few things that I have to point out that made me laugh about the set-up and plot of this movie. Clearly they spent their time on the graphics and not the story. Everyone is writing about how they've seen this plot before. It's obvious, but who cares. I'm more concerned about details, like . . .

- Avatar is set in 2154. We seemed to have progressed in technology to be able to fly to different planets, set up bases on those planets, create genetically accurate clones of alien life forms, and be able to download our brains into these new bodies, creating a complete union of brain to body. With all of this technology at our hands, how come our leading man IS IN A WHEELCHAIR? WHERE'S THE SCIENCE? And not just any old wheelchair.

Wait it IS ANY OLD WHEELCHAIR!!! This guy is pushing himself along through the military base with his bare hands in a chair like something out of the wheelchair olympics. No motorized chairs in the future? No hydraulic or pneumatic machine to help this man? Come on.

- Jake Sully is given 3 months to find out intelligence about the Na'vi and report back to base before they decide to go in and blow the place up on their own, right? OK, so that means he has to download his brain into an Avatar, become accepted among the tribe, and then learn all of the ways of the tribe, hunting, fighting, linking with a horse, flying a banshee, including their rituals for becoming a man IN 3 MONTHS!!!!!!!!! AND HE PULLS IT OFF???? THESE THINGS LOOK PRETTY HARD!!! WHAT KIND OF TRIBE IS THIS WHERE THE BAR IS SET SO LOW?????? COME ON!!!!!!!

- The military is often portrayed by a one-dimensional, war-hungry, idiotic, non-thinking jerk. Well, enter Colonel Miles Quadritch. I mean, really. Was there any need for this guy to be THAT much of a jerk? What was his problem with the Na'vi again? I just didn't get where his anger was coming from. No one else in the whole movie shared his viewpoint. It was just weird. James Cameron wants to take us to another "world" but then gives us characters that are hard to "believe."

- Neytiri tells Jake Sully that the Great Leonopteryx took a very special person to tame it and the tribe had the highest regard for the person the last time it was tamed. That person then becomes the "Toruk Makto" and brings peace to the Pandoran tribes. It had only been done 5 times in the past. We see this great creature after Jake links with his first banshee and he and Neytiri barely escape with their lives from this gigantic fierce predator of the skies.

So . . . Jake just gets on his banshee one day, flies above the Toruk, and falls on it. There you go, Toruk Makto. Huh?

WWHHHAAAATTTT???!!!!!! DIDN'T YOU SEE THE FIGHT BETWEEN JAKE AND THE BANSHEE???? HE ALMOST DIED TRYING TO TAME THAT THING!!!!!!!! THIS IS THE GREAT UNION??? THIS IS THE ULTIMATE LINK??? THIS BRINGS THE HIGHEST RESPECT??? NO ONE THOUGHT OF THIS BEFORE??? Wow, those Na'vi are keen strategists in the air. come on

- Yes, this movie resembles others in the past. The first that come to mind are Dances with Wolves, The Last Samurai, but I think there is one even more obvious than these. An animated movie with singing. I mean, remember when Neytiri was walking around showing Jake Sully the world of Pandora and how all life is connected and beautiful. I was waiting for her to break into song . . . CUE THE MUSIC!

HAVE YOU EVER HEARD THE WOLF CRY TO THE BLUE CORN MOON?
OR ASKED THE GRINNING BOBCAT WHY HE GRINS?
CAN YOU SING WITH ALL THE VOICES OF THE MOUNTAIN?
CAN YOU PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND?

Yes, Pocahontas and Avatar are pretty much the same movie. "SAVAGES! SAVAGES!" For more on that, click here for another funny post.

However, I did NOT hate Avatar, with all of its missteps. It's quite simply the most amazing visual event I've ever seen. Who cares if they didn't give us ONE plot twist or ORIGINAL storyline. The story works, the dialogue is not horrible, and it's awesome to look at, and that's more than I can say for a lot of sci-fi.

By the way, Zoe Saldana deserves an Academy Award. There, I said it.

- Funkyman

50 Years

2010-02-02T09:12:00.004-05:00

On Saturday night, the choirs at Dana Hall School presented a choral tribute to Motown. There are several things about this that I hate.

1. Choral arrangements of Motown are GARBAGE. Could they be more square? They sound nothing like the original thing. which means . . .
2. I HAVE TO DO ALL OF THE ARRANGEMENTS. And that's a lot of work especially since . . .
3. It's an ALL GIRLS school. I love my students, but writing for SSA all day runs low on my variety meter.
4. The girls have to audition for the solos, which breaks lots of hearts because everyone who auditions can't get one.

Of course, there are several things I like about this.

1. Motown songs are AMAZING. If you don't like these songs, check your pulse.
2. I am very proud of the work both I and the girls did. It was an amazing concert.
3. Several of the girls came into their own as singers with the solo opportunities.
4. Everyone that night left with a smile on their face.

Motown is an important part of American history, and yes, an important part of Black history, which still has significance though my fellow idealists would scoff otherwise. I find it funny that the same people who want to live in a world where we don't need Black History are the same ones stressing the importance of learning the history and cultures of societies centuries and millenia old. The Civil Rights Act is not 50 years old yet and this is OUR country. Wounds are fresh . . . but we've come a long way. For the long journey ahead, I ask patience from my fellow idealists. One day, our children's children's children will be able join hands in the streets of Mississippi to Boston to Paris to Bangkok to Baghdad to say . . . "Wow, is it the 100th anniversary of Tiger Woods' affair already?"

Anyway, on to the show!

As I was studying the songs of Motown, I noticed a lot of things people don't commonly catch when grooving to the funky tunes.

MOTOWN IS EVIL
- Martha and the Vandellas - "What is a Vandella" you ask? EXACTLY. A female thief (vandal/vandella). And their songs: "Heatwave" and "Nowhere to Run" are actually visions of burning in eternal hell fire.
- Smokey Robinson - One of Motown's lead songwriters. "Smokey?" Because there's SMOKE coming from hell perhaps?
- The Temptations - Right. The 7 deadly sins.

MOTOWN IS OBSESSED WITH SEX
- Marvin Gaye - "Sexual Healing," "Let's Get it On," "Gotta Give it Up," "I Heard it through the Chatroom," "What's Going On . . .Baby?" "How Sweet it Is to Be Loved in a Bayou," "Ain't No Marvin High Enough, Ain't No Valet Low Enough" etc., etc.
- The Supremes - Sounds good right? But all of their songs are about infidelity "Where Did Our Love Go?," "Stop in the Name of Love," "Baby Love." What's so supreme about women who have no self-respect and stay with this cheating man and keep singing songs about him?
- Michael Jackson - "The Love You Save" sample lyrics - "When Alexander called you, he said he rang your chimes." I rest my case.
- Gladys Knight & the Pimps - I mean COME ON! Can we have some tact please? This is one of the . . . what's that you say? Oh. Pips? My bad.

MOTOWN CAN'T NAME GROUPS WELL
- What the heck is a "PIP??????????" THANK YOU!
- Stevie Wonder - As in "I WONDER why they couldn't come up with a better name for one of earth's most gifted humans." How about Stevie BAMMMMM!?
- Boyz II Men - Someone skip spelling class that day? And Roman numerals? Wow.
- The Jackson 5 - . . . Because . . . their last name is . . . Jackson and there are 5 of them. OK, we're done early today!

OK, joke's over. I love Motown, obviously. Otherwise I wouldn't have done a tribute. For more info on Motown, click here. I want to thank Berry Gordy, Smokey Robinson, and all of the amazingly gifted songwriters, musicians, and artists that literally shaped and defined the 60's, 70's, 80's, and 90's. For more than 50 years, you have uplifted the entire human race and continue to do so.

Yesterday, Today, and Forever

- Funkyman

10 Questions

2010-01-15T08:38:00.009-05:00

CBS News reports:

On his Christian Broadcasting Network show yesterday, Rev. Pat Robertson said that the nation of Haiti has been devastated by a large earthquake because its people "made a pact with the devil."

"Something happened a long time ago in Haiti, and people might not want to talk about it," Robertson said. "They were under the heel of the French ... and they got together and swore a pact to the devil. They said, 'We will serve you if you'll get us free from the French.'"

"True story," he continued. "And the devil said, 'OK, it's a deal.' Ever since, they have been cursed by one thing after another.

This account begs several questions, but here are the first 10 -

Question #1 - WTF?

Question #2 - "And the devil said, 'OK, it's a deal.'"
How does Pat know the details of the bargain unless he was there? Hmmm . . .

Question #3 - "Ever since, they have been cursed by one thing after another."
OK. So America's plentiful history of curses are rooted in our resounding collective faith in God? Genocide, Slavery, Racism, the Economy, Healthcare, you being on TV?

Question #4 - Pat, you waited a whole 18 hours before making this statement.
Couldn't you have waited at least 24? I mean, come on let's give them 6 more hours to recover.

Question #5 - WTF?

Question #6 - Does the "700 Club" mean you have to be an idiot 700 times to be a member? I think Pat needs a 7000 Club for idiot over-achievers.

Question #7 - Ever wonder why people completely disregard Christianity?

Question #8 - Ever wonder why people completely disregard the Devil?

Question #9 - Ever wonder that even the Devil right now is saying WTF?

Question #10 - Why don't you shut up, fly to Haiti in your private jet, and start saving those souls that you preach are in such need of salvation instead of sitting in your TV studio with your suit on preaching to a bunch of people who are either completely nuts for believing you or are looking back at their TV screen saying WTF?

I completely realize and admit that the above questions and statements are not how Jesus taught us to respond. Please forgive my brief moment of carnality (OK, last time . . . WTF???!!! . . . I'm done) and we now return you to your regularly scheduled, spiritually-centered Funkyman.

Ladies and gentlemen of the God-loving, sane world - we know that this week's catastrophe is indeed not the will of God. This is not the Old Testament, and God is no longer in the destroying-the-world business. Even if you believe God allowed it to happen, it does not fall under the category of the "will of God."

Quick sermon - It is God's will that we have fellowship with Him, and with that relationship established, help bring about the change in the world we so obviously need and are so quick to criticize.

You want to see the world dig itself out of this mess? Shut your mouth and pick up a shovel. It's your world too.

Moron. (oops, carnality again)

- Funkyman

2010 Indeed

2010-01-05T08:49:00.005-05:00

Remember back a few decades when the year 2000 truly sounded like science fiction? In 1968, when Stanley Kubrick offered us 2001: A Space Odyssey, we marveled at the idea of space travel and computers. In 1984, we got 2010: Odyssey Two, a cold war twist which was even more fantastical and bizarre.

But here we are - 2010, and my computer still can't talk to me ("I'm sorry Dave. I'm afraid I can't do that"), I've seen no large monoliths planted outside of my door, Strauss is not blasting in my ear, thank goodness no creepy feti are staring at me, and Europe is still open for tourism.

I often wonder why authors attempt to restrict science fiction to our lifetime, especially when the whole point of science fiction is to be a fantastical metaphor for our time. How can it be a fantastical if it's set so near in the future? Because of this here are some of my favorite examples of science fiction that got it wrong, and some that got it right.

WRONG
Space 1999 (Pictured above) - I watched this on Saturday mornings as a kid back in the mid 1970's. 1999 seemed SO far away. However, now that we're way past that, let's just say we didn't dress like that in 1999, not even close. We had NOT colonized the moon, still haven't. And if you're going to do a show about meeting and fighting alien monsters, can we at least go more than 20 years in the future? Goodness.

Flash Gordon - Calm down, YES I loved the movie for its campiness and over-the-top acting. It's a classic. But, a rocket ship that can travel single-handedly to another galaxy in like a day? In 1980? Sorry. Fail. This is supposed to be science fiction, not science make-a-wish.

RIGHT
The Time Machine by H.G. Wells - The opposite of Flash Gordon, H.G. Wells gets the award for most faraway year forecast. This book is set in the year 802,701 . . . . hmmmm . . . . yes, I'll be dead by then. Guess he can imagine whatever he pleases.

Buck Rogers in the 25th Century - Great idea as the modern Rip Van Winkle story. I think 500 years is long enough to imagine we could have a space colony and contact with other civilizations. Sold.

1984 by George Orwell - While it could be argued that the world was nothing like what George Orwell depicted in this novel . . . it could also be argued that the world was EXACTLY what was depicted in this novel. Read it and you be the judge. By its location in this blog, you know where I stand.

Star Wars - "A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away . . ." is the most brilliant line George Lucas ever wrote. It's vague enough to not have to define itself, but the idea that all of this vastly superior technology and martial arts happened in the past, wherever it took place, lend a special gift to this franchise. How many science fiction stories are set in the past?

IN THE MIDDLE
Star Trek - Arguably the best example of science fiction used as a metaphor for current events, this original series was set in the 2100's and that's too close for us to imagine we'll be out in the cosmos on a 5 year mission to seek new life. Maybe I'm a pessimist, but we can't even create technology to take care of our own planet, much less to go looking for a new one.

Are you tired of me rambling on about sci-fi? I know you're saying, "Hey Funkyman, why don't you go fly a kite and see AVATAR?" Well . . .

I WOULD IF I HAD TIME. I'M SO BUSY, I CAN'T GET TO THE THEATER TO SEE A 3-HOUR MOVIE THAT DEMANDS YOU SEE IT IN IMAX 3D! I MEAN HOW ELSE AM I SUPPOSED TO VENT MY NEED FOR SCI-FI? HEROES WAS ON BREAK FOR A MONTH. LOST WON'T RETURN FOR ANOTHER MONTH. FRINGE GOT GOOD ALL OF A SUDDEN AND I'VE NEVER EVEN GIVEN IT A CHANCE. V IS ON EVERY WEEK, BUT I'VE MISSED TOO MUCH ALREADY! SCI-FI CHANNEL PRODUCES GARBAGE STEADILY! WHAT? THEY CHANGED THEIR NAME TO SY-FY? WHAT'S THAT ALL ABOUT!!! KHAAANNN!! KHHAANNNNN!!! KHHAAANNNNN!!!!

Oops, Study Hall is over and my students are wondering seriously why I'm standing on top of the desk screaming at the computer with my fists raised in the air.

One of them said, "Who's Khan?"

AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

- Funkyman