The Adventures of Funkyman

Recipe for Excellence: Superhero Movies

2012-05-26T11:14:00.001-04:00

You've heard it. We've all heard it.

"The movie was good, but not as good as the book."

You've said it. I've said it.

BUT . . .

Every once in a while a movie comes along that honors the source material so well that people are giddy with excitement over the feat. Marvel Comics' latest blockbuster movie The Avengers has shattered box office records and has been hailed as the greatest comic book adaptation to screen to date. That is heavy praise.

The truth is, as difficult as it is to translate a book to the big screen, it's even harder to translate a comic book.

You: Why? Doesn't the artwork provide instant reference material for the filmmakers?

Funkyman: EXACTLY

When you read a book, you are given the gift of your imagination informing your own special way of viewing the imagery, and therefore when creating a film of a literary work, you have more artistic license to have your vision appreciated. When creating a film from source material with preset artwork (comics), the audience NEEDS to see references to that artwork, physical activity, special effects, etc. This is even more difficult for superhero comics, because heroes do things in those books that defy all the laws of physics and reality. If you can't recreate those elements, people consider it a failure.

Of course, 30 years ago, comic book superhero movies were the stuff of comedy. CGI, costumes, special effects, simply could not do justice to what comic book artists dreamed up on the page. Comic book fans longed for the day when they could go to a movie theater, buy some popcorn, and legitimately be swept into another world - their comic books come to life.

But now . . . the time has come.

We have the technology at our disposal to make not only good, but great comic-book superhero movies. Of course, even with the effects, they aren't always good. How do you determine if a movie is a good translation of a comic book? Well, here we go. My top 10 Superhero Movies in chrnological order - and why.

In the 1960's there was only one superhero movie - Batman starring Adam West. The campy fun of the television show on the big screen was just a longer TV episode. It did not take itself or its source material very seriously. There was no superhero movie for another 12 years? That's inconceivable in today's Hollywood. What changed things?

1. Superman - 1978
Richard Donner's instant film classic starring Christopher Reeve is still considered by many to be the greatest superhero film. Why? Here are just a few reasons.

- It contained a fairly complete, and well thought-out origin story.
- Superman flew - and we believed it!
- He flew around the world so fast that he reversed time.

These three fcators bring up the 3 key ingredients to a GREAT comic-to-movie translation - good writing, convincing special effects, and something cool and new we've never seen before. This will continue to be referenced as CT3 (Comic Translation Trinity)

The sequel was equally well done, if not better, but the following sequels ignored these 3 elements so much that there was another long period until the next great superhero movie came along. What was that?

2. Batman - 1989
Frank Miller (as a comic artist not as a director) changed EVERYTHING!!!!!! His rough and gothic take on this old character not only breathed life into the comic book, but it set the template for almost every superhero movie that has followed. Director Tim Burton's fantasy was the first time we saw the Dark Knight come to life on the big screen as a broody, disturbed character. What did Frank Miller give us?

- Superheroes with character flaws?
- Superheroes that could get seriously hurt?
- Superheroes that aged?

Yes. Thank you Frank. And thank you Tim Burton and Michael Keaton for giving America and the rest of the world something to get excited about. This movie broke all the box office records at the time.

However, just like Superman before him, the Batman sequels started off OK but then devolved into silliness and gimmicks. Didn't we learn ANYTHING from the previous decade? No, the smell of money and continued fight for pop culture relevance are the recipe for failure in any franchise (see Star Wars). And don't forget the CT3. Our next movie certainly did not.

3. Blade - 1998
I have to be honest. When I first saw the ads, I wasn't convinced. However, after the opening scene where Blade destroys an entire club full of vampires, 2 of the CT3 had been established. The story proved to be well told and with heart. Win. It was like all of the dark, gritty things about Batman without the nice side. Director Stephen Norrington gave us elements we hadn't seen in a superhero movie before:

- A club, techno, pseudo-NIN soundtrack that didn't include a symphony orchestra (no hate for John Williams and Danny Elfman, just saying)
- Vampires!
- Vampire on vampire crime!

Had you read the comic, you would see that this was not a faithful capturing of the details of the book, but a good capturing of the spirit of the book. And fortunately for us, there was no longer a 10-year wait for another good CT3 movie.

4. X-Men - 2000
You: Funkyman, why was the X-Men film successful, even though it looked very little like the comic book?

Funkyman: I'm glad you asked. I heard a lot of people say they didn't enjoy this movie because it was NOTHING like the animated TV show that was popular at the time (which I hated BTW). I never liked the "Superfriends" style portrayal of the mutants complete with canned electric guitar soundtrack and drum machines. No, my attention was on the comic books, and more importantly, the graphic novel - God Loves, Man Kills.

Director Brian Singer must have read this book as well, because the X-Men movie does an EXCELLENT job capturing the SPIRIT of that book. That graphic novel was the Frank Miller's Dark Knight for X-Men. It took the idea of the mutant abilities and cast them in a realistic contemporary world where politics, racism, and real moral conflicts could be explored. When I watched this movie, I felt the SPIRIT of the comic. That is HUGE.

And JUST like Superman and Batman before them, good sequel, horrible following ones. What's the deal? I mean, clearly there's a pattern here. I mean, that couldn't happen to . . .

5. Spider-Man - 2002
. . . right? Wrong again.

Well what did Sam Raimi do right? CT3 - Well-told origin story, CGI Spider-Man swinging through the city, and Tobey Maguire himself as the surprise. No one believed this guy could pull it off, and he defied us all. What was more fun that summer than seeing this movie? Perfect popcorn movie.

But the formula - great sequel, painful subsequent ones - strikes again.

6. Hellboy - 2004
Visionary director Guillermo del Toro gave us something we weren't used to - a demon protagonist who can talk to dead people, who trims his own horns so they don't stick out, working for the Bureau of Paranormal Research & Development - which is EXACTLY what the comic book is about. Add in Ron Perlman's comic timing, superior special-effects, and you've got a win.

7. Iron Man - 2008
This movie had it all. Very good origin story, killer CGI, and the now famous "Iron Man Kneeled Landing Pose." Let's not forget Robert Downey's spot-on comic timing and Jon Favreau's comedy and comics background. So many things about this movie were awesome, that it's hard to even debate the weaknesses. So glad CGI tech finally caught up with Iron Man.

8. The Dark Knight - 2010
The greatest financial success for any superhero - Batman. This time tackled by director Christopher Nolan and his go-to leading man, Christian Bale. Yes, this was the sequel to the already successful Batman Begins, . . . and the formula is set. Will this summer's 3rd installment be subject to the curse? I have a feeling - no. Of course, let's not forget Heath Ledger's tour de force as the Joker. CT3 was in full effect for this film, and it was easily the highest critically acclaimed movie of its genre.

9. Kick-Ass - 2010
That same year, one of my favorite adaptations was done in glorious fashion. Director Matthew Vaughn took this indie comic and turned it into movie gold. Kick-Ass is NOT an exceptional superhero. However, being released in the same year as The Dark Knight, the comparisons are obvious. A guy who dresses up and goes out to fight crime vigilante style to protect the innocent and make the guilty pay. Sound familiar? Add in Big Daddy (another obvious Batman reference, and who can forget Nicholas Cage's death scene?) and the foul-mouthed Hit-Girl. This movie surprises us more than once - and we love it.

10. The Avengers - 2012
Last but not least, we have the much-discussed Avengers, directed by Joss Whedon - a writer and director who has solidified his place in comic/sci-fi greatness for all time. Buffy, Firefly, now this? Because the Avengers is a team of superheroes, you can only imagine that the stakes were way higher for success vs. failure. Everything difficult about a superhero movie - times 4. If you ever find yourself questioning "why is this film great" or "why does this film work", then consider the following concerns:

- Does the film capture the spirit of the comic characters?
- Does the film give equal time to the major players?
- Does the film have too many villains? too many heroes?
- Does the film stay true to the mythology of the comic story? If not, does it create a viable new one?

The answers to all of the above questions are yes, yes, no, no, yes.

The Avengers captured the spirit of the comic in that it focused on the tension between the egos of the heroes, clearly played out in the comics. It not only gave equal time to the characters, it successfully highlighted some we normally disregard - i.e. Black Widow. The only visible villain is Loki - too many villains equals fail (see Spider-Man 3 or Batman sequels). The origin story of the Avengers is there, but they took some license with the agent who called them together and believed in them. But that's a minor concern.

What is a major concern is what everyone knows who has seen the film. Hulk. Smash. Loki. That has got to be one of the single greatest moments in movie history. I want to see the entire movie again, just to watch that. And I will.

So which are the greatest comic-to-movie adaptations ever? It's difficult for me to compare Superman of 1978 to the Avengers of 2012, but I will cave in and make a list in order of overall greatness:

5. Kick-Ass
4. Iron Man
3. X-Men 2
2. The Avengers
1. Superman

I know you're saying - no Dark Knight? I want to stress that I'm not judging the films on their merit as films, but as comic-to-movie translations. The Dark Knight suffered only because Batman had been explored in 6 films before it. The others on the list were relative first attempts and get more consideration for the feat.

Yes, Superman is #1. Are you surprised? Better yet, do you disagree? It's not my love for all things Superman. I truly believe that proportionately, this is the greatest superhero comic to movie achievement. Were it not for that one, the Avengers takes the prize.

You may noticed I have referenced each film's director in this blog. They are the real heroes and certainly the ones responsible for a film's success or demise. I would trust buying a ticket to any future film of these directors, even if they are a flop. At least I know it will be a well-thought out flop. Which is better than we can say for most films.

Speaking of which, I hope that one of you directors will step up to direct the new motion picture, The Adventures of

- Funkyman

Dear North Carolina . . .

2012-05-09T04:17:00.000-04:00

Dear North Carolina,

In the movie, Inherit the Wind, a dramatic story is weaved around the very true account of the famous Scopes monkey trial and the fight in the south to prevent evolution from being taught as a theory in school. The shorthand is that the Bible-believing Christian community didn’t want Darwin’s theory taught in school because it was in contradiction with Scripture’s account of creation. There is a scene in the movie where they are marching down the town streets singing “Gimme That Old Time Religion.” The lyrics go as follows:

Gimme that old time religion
Gimme that old time religion
Gimme that old time religion
It’s good enough for me

It was good for the Hebrew children (3x) It’s good enough for me

It was good for dad and mother (3x) It’s good enough for me.

Etc., etc.

The irony of this scene is that they march forward, yet their message is about remaining right where they are. The Christians won their fight in that trial in 1925. However, today, most schools, even in the South, teach evolution as a theory as part of the larger foundation of scientific education. The Scopes Monkey trial is part of American history, now 87 years old.

Quite simply, yesterday you helped turn back the hands of time.

On May 8, 2012, the state of North Carolina passed Amendment One – defining marriage as one man and one woman, and therefore nullifying the recognition of same-sex marriages AND civil unions. The oft-quoted reason for such a move? Because same-sex marriages are in contradiction with what the Scriptures say.

And so, North Carolina, I humbly submit to you:

Isn’t it a fact that there are several, nay, innumerable things that are “legal” by man’s standards that are not supported by the Scriptures? I mean, isn't there is a clear difference between something being against God’s laws and being against man’s laws?

Let’s start with the Ten Commandments. Several major religions (Judaism, Islam, Christianity) regard the Decalogue as the DIRECT instructions from God Almighty. No “divinely inspired/take it on faith” writing here. These words are considered to be straight from God’s mouth. For example:

“Thou shalt have no other Gods before me.”

If we’re going to honor God’s direct command, should we not be creating amendments to curb the glorification of sex, violence, and greed found in commercials, magazines, television, music, movies, etc.? Truly, we can argue that people spend more time honoring these cultures than God. We can agree that we are called to honor God above all things, but even those of us who believe can fail in this practice. Yet none of the above things are against man’s law.

For another example, I will choose the words of Jesus.

“Love thy neighbor as thyself.”

Again, words straight from Jesus’ mouth – not otherwise divinely inspired revelation as found in other books of the Bible. Haven’t we proven that this simple phrase is so difficult to perfect? Haven’t we shown as a human race that one of the primary reasons we have wars, hunger, and poverty is because we can’t love our neighbors BECAUSE we don’t love ourselves? Should we not be creating amendments to ban the hoarding of money and food, and share our wealth not simply with those on hard times, but with the truly impoverished human souls that have no opportunity to get 3 meals a day? We Christians can agree that we are called to serve mankind – clothe the naked, feed the hungry, visit the imprisoned, etc. Yet refusing to do the above things are not against man’s law.

I restate: There is a difference between something being against God’s law and something being against man’s law.

The point is this: Even if you declare that same-sex marriage is against God’s law, how is that the precedent for standing up for the Scriptures and infusing it into man’s law? Do we not already live in a country where people have the freedom to make personal choices that we disagree with? Do we not daily shake our heads at what the culture promotes and what our children have to face? Where is our outrage?

Where are the amendments against divorce? Where are the amendments against marrying for money? for sex? Where are the amendments against adultery (another direct Commandment from God)? And while it’s true that on the books, adultery is an offense in 26 states – every one of those states will still recognize the validity of your marriage if divorce is not on the table.

In conclusion, when I see amendments being posted to church walls to help ban same-sex marriages, I weep.

This.

World.

Is.

Dying.

There are so many causes God has called us to that we daily ignore. Why is this the only issue Christians rally around together to become politically active? The answer is obvious and unfortunate. If we don’t see that this indoctrinated phobia of homosexuality is IDENTICAL to the history of the judicial banning of interracial marriage – yes that was a HUGE reality in America for several decades (the people in each state were allowed to vote) – we are blind.

I know, North Carolina, that you believe that by allowing gays to marry, it would be viewed as a stamp of your personal approval. However, if that were true, according to God's 1st Commandment, you would have to argue that allowing moron rappers to make songs and videos about “bitches” shaking their asses for money and getting tens of millions of views in the temple of YouTube is also your stamp of approval.

You: Well just because that music is popular in the culture doesn’t mean I agree with it.

Funkyman: OK, but more importantly, just because you don’t agree with it, that doesn’t make it illegal.

You: Yes, but this is America, and the moron rappers have the FREEDOM to make their music, even though it’s garbage.

Funkyman: True. This is America. Then, why are we standing in the way of someone else’s, anyone else's freedom? The big difference is, those particular rappers (not all Hip Hop) are despicable. Those who seek to be married are not.

So North Carolina, please read up on the history of marriage. You will quickly discover that it has had many definitions, versions, and practices. Marriage has not always been defined as one man and one woman – even in the Bible. That’s a fact. You say that homosexuals are trying to redefine marriage.

The truth is, you are too.

One day, we will see that we can live in a country as Bible-believing, God-fearing Christians and STILL sit next to our brothers and sisters who are in same-sex marriages at the table of brother and sisterhood.

There should be an amendment for that.

- Funkyman

It's Time! 2012 Edition

2012-05-02T09:59:00.000-04:00

Hello Funkfans, it's that special time of year that the young and the young at heart wait for with baited breath.

You: Christmas?

Funkyman: Nope, but that can be good.

You: Tax Refund Day?

Funkyman: Nope, but that's a good one too.

You: My child's birthday?

Funkyman: No - even better! SUMMER MOVIES!!!

You: That's horrible!

Funkyman: What? OK, fine. I prefer my daughter's birthday, but that only happens on one day a year (May 6 - Happy Birthday Aimée! Papa's just fooling around).

Now back to the regularly scheduled adventure of Funkyman . . . This summer is JAM-PACKED with enough superhero, sci-fi, CGI, fantasy, and comedy to make anyone happy - even the non-fanboys and girls. There are more than 100 movies coming out this summer. Here are the biggest ones that I think have the biggest potential to be awesome or FAIL miserably! Great expectations can create great disappointments. Well, enough of my yapping. Let's go!

May 4 - The Avengers
For years now, Marvel Comics has focused its creative energies in Hollywood with Iron Man, Iron Man 2, Hulk, Thor, and Captain America movies - each one a success in its own right. I cannot remember an event like this in history, where a comic book franchise has brought together so many powerful characters together into one story arc. It's exciting just in theory. Let's pray that it pays off in practice. I'm rooting for the Avengers!

May 11 - Dark Shadows
Usually, when Tim Burton and Johnny Depp do a film together, it's a must-see event. However, I was disappointed by their last two outings - Charlie & the Chocolate Factory & Alice in Wonderland. In the 80's and 90's, Burton's bizarre visions were wonderful, shocking, and fresh. But sometimes bizarre is just bizarre. I'm rooting for Dark Shadows because I love both artists.

May 16 - The Dictator
Are we ready for another Sacha Baron Cohen comedy? Borat was perfectly timed genius. Bruno was unapologetically hilarious, though not as popular. As an owner of the complete DVD set of Da Ali G Show, I am a proven fan, but even I question whether or not we've seen his best work already. Hopefully, he can pull it off.

May 18 - Battleship
Let's see: Aliens. CGI. Loud Noise. Liam Neeson. Yes, I'll be there. Don't judge me. I am the target audience, but what do you think they spend all of that money for? Of course, I would love a good story to go with it, but seeing this stuff on an IMAX is worth the price of admission. Somebody's got to help them recoup their losses!

May 25 - Men in Black 3
When I heard they were making this movie, I was pretty sure I wouldn't care. When I saw that Josh Brolin would be playing a young Agent K. I was sold.

June 1 - Snow White and the Huntsman
Charlize Theron rocks. Perfect villain. Is there another reason to see this movie?

June 8 - Prometheus
Let's see: Aliens. CGI. Loud Noise. Ridley Scott. Yes, I'll be there. See Battleship for why.

June 15 - That's My Boy
Adam Sandler needs a hit. Bad. Maybe Andy Samberg can help.

June 22 - Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter
The title alone sells this movie. How can you NOT see this?

June 22 - Brave
I will see any movie Pixar makes, though, Cars 2 made me put my foot in my mouth about their inability to fail. I really hope that their concentration on a strong female character is a win. For everyone.

June 29 - G.I. Joe: Retaliation
Let's see: Aliens. CGI. Loud Noise. The Rock. Yes, I'll be there. What? No aliens? Hmmm . . . Isn't Ray Park in this? Close enough! (Darth Maul)

June 29 - Magic Mike
I think it's pretty boss that Channing Tatum will be releasing two movies on the SAME DAY - G.I. Joe and Magic Mike. In one, he's a macho soldier, and in the other, he's a male stripper. After seeing him in 21 Jump Street, I actually have faith that he can do just about anything. And that's saying A LOT after Step Up!

July 3 - The Amazing Spider-Man
O.K. I've resisted writing pages and pages of blog about how ridiculous it is that we have ANOTHER Spider-Man origin movie so soon after the 2002 Tobey Maguire version - which was awesome. The set-up for comparison will be impossible to avoid. But, hey - it's Spider-Man. They will make a ton of money, and they certainly will get mine. I just hope it's worth it.

July 20 - The Dark Knight Rises
Probably, the most anticipated movie of the year. I have no doubt that Christopher Nolan (Inception, Dark Knight) has no intention of ending his Batman trilogy with a weak installment. Fasten your seatbelts.

July 27 - Neighborhood Watch
Put Ben Stiller, Vince Vaughn, and Jonah Hil in the same movie, and who cares about the plot right? Three of the funniest movie actors alive better hit a homerun.

August 3 - The Bourne Legacy
The first 3 Bourne movies have the distinct praise of each one being better than the previous one. That's A LOT of pressure for this one which doesn't even have Matt Damon or even the character Jason Bourne in the movie! Are they trying to sell me a movie on the title alone? Or are they crazy like a fox?

August 3 - Total Recall
Colin Farrell in the remake of the 1990 Verhoeven/Schwarznegger hit. It was a lot of fun the first time, but Colin Farrell has a bad track record with remakes. S.W.A.T., Miami Vice, Fright Night - all amazingly boring. What's he going to do next? How about a good movie?

August 10 - The Campaign
Will Ferrell. Zach Galifianakis. One ticket please.

August 17 - The Expendables 2
I only put this on the list because I wanted a good laugh. Ha ha ha. OK, I have ZERO intention of seeing this. I can't even believe they made a sequel. These guys need to stop lending credit to the meat-head stereotype. Enough already. I mean, have you seen the preview for this? It's like a parody of itself. True comedy.

August 17 - Sparkle
Whitney Houston's name will give this movie all of the boost it needs to do well. I hope it honors her musical legacy.

All in all, this promises to be a great summer of movies . . . for teenage boys. Yes, there are other movies coming out, but honestly, they don't look that interesting at all. All eyes will be on the above pictures. As for this fanboy, any summer with Spider-Man, Batman, Iron Man, Thor, Hulk, AND Captain America?

That's a win. I love you Aimée, but papa's going to the movies! - Funkyman

Funkyman TV

2012-04-09T08:47:00.005-04:00

Here are some video highlights from recent adventures!

FUNKYMAN CHANNELS STEVIE WONDER

BILLY JOEL & ELTON JOHN TRIBUTE CONCERT

TUFTS GOSPEL CHOIR IN NEW ORLEANS

THE MAKING OF "BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE"

"CREDO AMORI"

TUFTS GOSPEL 2011

DANA HALL CHAMBER SINGERS IN AUSTRIA

BBC WORLD NEWS - Feature Story on David Coleman

RENT

I Was a Teenage Judy Blume Fan

2012-04-08T23:48:00.008-04:00

Hello Funkitamians,

It has been so long since I posted, I know. Since my birthday last month, so many epic events have occurred worthy of writing about. Hmmm, which should I choose . . .

a) Tufts University Third Day Gospel Choir Tour in New Orleans, LA! - We were on TV and there was an alligator on my head. True.

b) REJOICE! GospelFest at Dana Hall School - 7 schools came together and had an epic concert and workshop experience.

c) Trayvon Martin & George Zimmerman - Jumping to Conclusions and Failure of Due Process for both Trayvon AND George have created nation-wide arguments centered on race.

d) The Hunger Games

OK, I'll choose the Hunger Games. Yay!

So, it's not often I read books these days. One would imagine with the amount I run my mouth and write on this blog that I'm an avid reader. Well, I used to be. For more on how I lost my fire for reading, click here.

These days I read about one or two books a year, which is horribly sad, I know. However, I use my brain so much for creativity during the year, I think I deserve a pass. Nevertheless, my wife again was responsible for getting my reading going again. She had heard through friends at work about The Hunger Games and based on my love of sci-fi and fantasy, she thought I would enjoy and bought me the whole 3-volume set for Christmas. In anticipation of the movie being released in March, I finally began reading during Spring Break and found it to be a fun, quick read. It is so refreshing to read about a female character facing choices with REAL moral ambiguity - the ANTI-BELLA.

Let's pause there:

I have not read the Twilight series. However, teaching at an all-girls' school, of course I knew of its popularity. When the first movie came out, my students went crazy. TEAM EDWARD!!! And because of my intuition, even though I dig vampires and werewolves as much as the next fan, I avoided the film in the theaters. Months later, it landed on HBO, and against my better judgment, I allowed my DVR to record it one day, and I finally sat down to watch it. Here are some of Edward's dialogue about Bella:

"I don't have the strength to stay away from you anymore."

"I hate you for making me want you so much."

"You don't know how long I've waited for you."

"I can't ever lose control with you."

The reason these quotes stood out to me is because while Edward is this tall, dark, mysterious man who catches Bella's attention - Bella herself is self-admittingly bland, boring, quiet, and not striking. Yet HE IS OBSESSED WITH HER IN A STALKING KIND OF WAY. And don't even get me started on Jacob's whining.

I found myself turned off by the intensity of this romantic storyline with a female character so not worthy of all of the attention she was receiving. However, millions of female fans can't be wrong, right? Right? Anyway, back to our regularly programmed adventure of Funkyman.

Currently, I am in love with some television shows with great, strong female lead characters:

Once Upon a Time (ABC) - If you haven't seen this yet, SEE it. From the writers of LOST, it is some of the smartest and most clever storytelling on television, AND all of the characters that anchor the story are female with fully imagined personalities, insecurities, and strengths.

Game of Thrones (HBO) - Talk about strong female characters! Daenerys Targaryen goes from submissive wife and sister to straight-out badass in one season - amazing! And don't get in Lady Stark's way. OR Cersei Lannister's! "POWER is power." Best line ever. But back to the Hunger Games.

One of the things I enjoyed about the book was the main character, Katniss and the love triangle that she's forced into in order to save her life and everyone close to her. Katniss has an everygirl quality reminiscent of Harry Potter - a kid leading an unextraordinary life suddenly thrust into being the central figure in a raging battle with thousands of lives at stake. And to make it fun, we get a well-crafted love dilemma for a girl who has no real desire to be in one. Unlike Bella, we can totally see why someone could fall for Katniss.

So, I finished the book and headed immediately to the movie theater. But wait . .

Those girls look familiar. Are those . . .

Are those my students from Dana Hall??? It was only then that I realized that I was caught up in the fanatic craze shared by millions of middle school girls.

"Mr. Coleman! Are you going to see the Hunger Games?"

"Hey . . . yeah . . . I am."

"SO COOL! We are too!! Aren't you EXCITED??!!"

"Yay . . . great."

I just smiled and went in with 10 of my students and enjoyed the movie. I have often pondered why I'm drawn to stories about females. Is it because I'm aware of the commonly sexist portrayal of women in movies and television? Is it because I am consistently surrounded by girls educating themselves to fight against stereotypes and be considered as individuals? Yes, strong women are always noteworthy, but my recent affection for the Hunger Games and my run-in with pre-teen students reminded me of something from my childhood . . .

I was addicted to Judy Blume books.

Yes, I know we all read Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing and Superfudge. But, I'm talking about ALL of Judy Blume's books. Imagine an 11-year old Funkyman walking around reading Are You There God? It's Me Margaret, Freckle Juice, Deenie, Blubber, Tiger Eyes, Then Again, Maybe I Won't, Otherwise Known as Sheila the Great, It's Not the End of the World, and others.

Why would a pre-teen boy be so interested in the tales of girls going through life changes - from body image, to puberty, to divorce?

I still don't know exactly why. Judy Blume is a great writer. She was my first favorite author. But it's true that my parents and friends often asked what connection I had reading first-person accounts of a girls' first period. I guess I enjoy the inner monologue, the window into the mind of not only a girl, but a fellow kid growing up. I liked that Judy Blume gave me insight into how girls think and experience school, family, and friends. I think that because of Judy Blume, coupled with good parenting from my mother (strongest female character I know) and my father who taught me to treat every woman I meet as my sister, that I saw girls as fellow people rather than simply the opposite sex.

The Hunger Games achieves this same result, and its why I believe a man or a woman could get wrapped up in this story with equal delight. I'm sure that author Suzanne Collins would state that Judy Blume's books are part of her early reading and influenced her writing. Couldn't we imagine as a subtitle for the Hunger Games - "Are You There God? It's me, Katniss."?

So hats off to Judy Blume. I know she still writes, and I believe she is 74 years old. I pray she lives to see many, many more.

May the odds be ever in her favor.

- Funkyman

Birthday Love

2012-03-13T01:26:00.003-04:00

Hello Funkynations around the world, it's time to celebrate!

You: What are we celebrating?

Funkyman: How about that this is the 176th post of TAOF!

You: O . . . K . . . yaaayyy? I'm sorry, that's not that exciting.

Funkyman: OK, how about the fact that I'm on Spring Break!

You: Again, not amazing.

Funkyman: OK, how about the fact that next week I'll be on tour with the Tufts University Third Day Gospel Choir in New Orleans, LA - being featured on WWL's (CBS) morning show!

You: Well, that's cool, is that what you're celebrating?

Funkyman: NO!

You: OK, I give up.

Funkyman: I think the best way to tell you is with a creative poem.

I excel
Excel I
X-cel I
X-L-I
XLI
41
I am 41
I am excelling

You: You're celebrating YOUR BIRTHDAY!!!!

Funkyman: O . . . K . . . how long did it really take you to figure that out?

That's right folks, today is the first day of my 42nd year of life - 41 years behind me and I'm not looking back.

Well, maybe I'll look back a little. That's right, today I will list a few of my favorite things. Nothing serious today. It's a party.

I LOVE TEACHING
My students - from the Grade K-5 students at Wellesley Hills Congregational Church, to the Grade 6-12 at the Dana Hall School, to the undergraduate and graduate students at Tufts University - it is through my interaction with you that I truly stay young. The more I teach, the more I learn, the better I teach, the better I learn. It's a neverending cycle of elevation. Thank you all, from David, Mr. Coleman, Professor Coleman, Funkyman. OK, no one calls me Funkyman in school, but I can dream.

I LOVE GOOD WRITING
I would like to think people enjoy reading TAOF blog posts because I spend time crafting essays on various topics of human concern. I am an OK writer, but I am a fan of GREAT writing. Here are some selected favorites:

Comic Books - Y: The Last Man, The Walking Dead
Television - The Wire, Lost
Movies - Seven, Pulp Fiction
Books - Speak Memory (Nabukov), The Lives of a Cell

I LOVE GOOD FOOD
Yes, many of you know that I eliminated white flour and white sugar from my diet in 2007. I lost 140 lbs., and I'm keeping it off - one . . . day . . . at . . . a . . . time. However, because I don't eat bread, pasta, and pretty much anything resembling cake, pie, cookies or dessert in general, people think I have a lousy eating life. Well, sink your teeth into THIS:

Hot Italian Sausage - Yum!
Any Salad with pecans, walnuts, cranberries or cherries - Yay!
A GOOD cheese omelette - Hello!
Steak - Of course!
Ribs - H to the ell Yes!
and did somebody say Butternut Squash or Sweet Potatoes? Holla!

I LOVE MY FAMILY
If you're a regular reader of TAOF, no need to elaborate. Here are links in case you missed how big a deal my family is to me:

Aimée
Dad
Mom
Fadie
Wisdom
Anthony

I LOVE MUSIC
In my song, "Funkyman" I say that I play classical, jazz, funk, R&B, gospel, and rock 'n roll. I listen to all of these styles and more. Here's what I'm listening to right now:

Soul Khan (underground rap genius - LOVE THIS GUY NOW!)
Legally Blonde (London Cast Recording - get ready Dana Hall)
Schumann Piano Concerto (my 1st piano concerto as a kid - ah, memories)
Doobie Powell (The best gospel musician you don't know)
Sex Bob-Omb (From Scott Pilgrim vs. The World - if you've heard it, you know it's so good)

I LOVE GOD
"I made a list of all of my priorities
A special list of everything important to me
My family, my friends were all in my top ten
When I got to the top of the list, Lord, you were
The One." - David F. Coleman

Though I'm often on stage attempting to unite people of different faiths through music and helping to bridge the gaps caused by the polarization of relgiion, I am blessed to be able to stand on that very same stage and proudly profess that I am a Christian - with no fear of being judged or persecuted. God bless America. While my current CD and campaign centers around my life and the Adventures of Funkyman, next year, when I drop The Jesus is the Man Project, the world will also know who the inspiration and motivation in my life is. Thank you Jesus!

I LOVE MYSELF
Speaking of Jesus, do you know what Jesus said was the greatest commandment? To love God with all your heart and mind. The second however, is key - Love your neighbor as yourself.

You want to know my theory on why the world is deficient in care and understanding for the poor, the hungry, the uneducated, the persecuted, the unrepresented, those with different genders, different religions, different sexual orientations, and different "races"? Why we can't seem to love our neighbor?

Because we don't love ourselves. A lot of us think we do, but we don't.

Well, my friends, if that sounds like something you grapple with, please know you're not alone. Loving yourself sounds so easy and yet when you examine all of the factors that go into that feat - namely the relationships you have with family, spouses, children, and yes, God - it's easy to find things about yourself that you don't love. Yet, that's what our job is today.

I promised not to get too serious, so I'll stop there, but please know that I am grateful to be alive, and I love my health, my strength, my family, and my faith. I will try hard this day to love myself as well.

41 years. Hmmm . . . yeah, I've decided. It's awesome.

- Funkyman

Are We There Yet?

2012-02-27T20:43:00.004-05:00

Imagine you are in a class of kids, and one of your classmates was ignored for her/his contributions to the class. Worse than that, the student was mistreated, abused, and eventually lost his/her life due to the mistreatment. The school then decided to make a day during the year where everyone would stop to remember not only the victim and her/his accomplishments, but the circumstances surrounding the bullying and abuse so that we would learn to not repeat it and how to recognize it if we saw it happening somewhere else.

The first few years of the observance, people seemed reverant and really appreciated the significance of the memorial. However, time passed by. Minor bullying incidents may have occurred, but nothing like what we witnessed happening to that old student. We felt we had made progress as a class, and then one day someone says it, "Why do we need that student's memorial day? Haven't we progressed as a class? Aren't we older and wiser? No disrespect, but doesn't this day separate us more than unite us?" This is a metaphor for how people feel about Black History Month.

I was recently asked, "Do you think we still need Black History Month?" That's a trick question of course. So I will give you a trick answer. No we shouldn't need it, but Yes we do.

First let's deal with the "No we shouldn't need it."

Let's not forget these facts: Black History WEEK began in 1926 and the founder's intention was for it to END when Black History became a represented part of American History. Like most good ideas, it had good intentions and caused excitement among its supporters. The week in February was chosen because of the coinciding birthdays of Abraham Lincoln and Frederick Douglass. 50 years later, America celebrated its bicentennial and President Ford approved making it officially an entire month. Britain and Canada began to recognize the month as well and here we are today, 86 years later, still "celebrating" . . .

Celebrating.

Are you celebrating?

No?

So what went wrong?

Isn't 86 years enough time for us to get our acts together and infuse textbooks with the appropriate facts and bios of prominent African-Americans? Isn't 86 years enough time for schools from Kindergarten to University to effectively educate 4 generations of students about the history of Blacks in America and the holocaust of slavery in our country? The answer is YES! And no, we shouldn't in truth NEED this holiday . . .

BBBBBUUUUUTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!

If the founder Carter Woodson meant for the holiday to be eliminated after the error had been corrected, why IS it still a separate celebration from the rest of American history? Why DID they make it a month? Well, think about it. In 1976, Black History MONTH remained separate from education because up until only a few years earlier, Blacks themselves were kept separate from society. After multiple assasinations (Medgar Evars, MLK, Malcolm X, JFK, RFK), the wounds of racial division were (and for some - are) still fresh. Commemorating this attention to the obvious lack of reverence for Blacks being regarded as a part of society seemed like a golden opportunity to heal those wounds. And though in these last 36 years, there has been more integration, there are racial/socio-economic issues that divide this country. And just like a lot of things America does when it comes to race - we got sloppy.

Now let's deal with the "Yes we need it".

Let's not forget these facts: The average student - black, white, or purple - doesn't know more than one historical Black figure - MLK - and that's largely due to the Federal recognition of his birthday. The media, both mainstream and non, often portrays African Americans in such a negative light that they continue to be the bottom of the social totem pole. Even Black-owned entertainment (i.e. BET) is nothing more than a hot mess of garbage - music videos, televangelists, reality shows, etc. - so depressing, most Black family and friends I know can't bear to watch. If you want to study Black History, you could take a class at some universities as a specialized course, but unfortunately by that time, your key, impressionable education years have passed. African-American Studies programs in universities are small and continue to only serve a small percentage of students.

The truth is - we failed. Carter Woodson, President Ford, and everyone else before us told us to TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THIS OPPORTUNITY TO TEACH AND LEARN, and we did not. We said, "Hey - they've got a whole month now and a half-black president. What more could they ask for? Haven't we progressed as a society? Doesn't this month separate us more than unite us?" Watch this video and receive a partial answer to that question.

I could write 3 blogs about what's wrong with this video, but it's obvious.

In the meantime, I need to keep fighting the good fight. Spread the word in every medium available to me. Teach my daughter who Charles Drew, Benjamin Banneker, Crispus Attucks, Mary Mcleod Bethune, Marcus Garvey, Ben Carson, Harriet Tubman, Sojourner Truth, George Washington Carver, Malcom Little, Thurgood Marshall, Paul Robeson, Marian Anderson, and Langston Hughes are. But my daughter is only one child. Are other families to blame for the gap in education? How can they teach their kids what they themselves don't even know? No, this looks like a job for higher learning.

As this Black History Month comes to an end, we are faced with the familiar question: Should we do away with the recognition of Black History Month?

Sure. As soon as schools and educators get their act together for the rest of the children and give us a reason to. Let's not take another 86 years.

Please.

- Funkyman

FriendZone Emancipation

2012-02-14T15:40:00.004-05:00

Hello Funklovers,

Today is Valentine's Day, and everyone is talking about whether or not it's a good thing. There are two popular schools of thought:

- It's an overdone, commercial day, and recognizing it is actually an insult to your loved one.

- It's an overdone, commercial day, and I don't care - you better get me something.

However, for those of you out there who celebrate the day with your "boo" and enjoy having this special time to show affection - that's awesome. This blog is not for you. No, this one is for those of you who have suffered or are suffering from spending time in the FriendZone - the situation when you want to take your relationship to the romantic level, but she/he doesn't reciprocate that feeling.

Let's go back in time . . .

2011

2004

1995

1983

Welcome to 1983! Some of you may not have been born yet. But others of you, remember that new Michael Jackson album "Thriller"? I LOVE "Billie Jean" and did you see him do the Moonwalk? Awesome. Hey remember the dance last week and the DJ snuck in Prince's "International Lover"? The teachers were like "Who is this singing?" LOL. Hey, is Mr. Roboto really a robot or is it just Dennis DeYoung disguised as one? Both? Whatever. Can't wait to get home and play Super Breakout on my Atari 5200. Dude, you can PAUSE the game! It's crazy! And if I finish my homework early and watch Dukes of Hazzard, my parents are taking the block off of cable and letting us watch HBO too. No, not Eddie Murphy's Delirious - some documentary, but I'm going to try to and set the BetaMax to tape it when they go to sleep!

Hey, what are the girls talking about over there?

Girl 1: "We were just talking about marriage."

Guy 1: "Yeah, what about it."

Girl 2: "If we had to marry someone in this class, who we would marry."

Funkyboy: "And? . . ."

Girl 1: "Well if I had to date someone - Marcus. If I had to marry someone - David."

Girl 2: "Yeah, dating - Marcus. Marriage - David."

Girl 3: "I would marry David."

Girl 4: "I would date Marcus, marry David."

Girl 5: "If I HAD to marry someone in this class, then David."

ALL GIRLS: "But we don't want to date you now."

1983

1995

2004

2012

. . . AND we're back. OK, that was frightening in its reality wasn't it? I took you back to there to show you the day I learned not just what those girls thought about me, but how they thought about guys in general. Why was I the guy they would marry? Because I was not the "bad" boy. Because I did well in school. Because I was the . . . FRIEND. You see, girls are smart - they know who would be good for them - but they also know they want more. They want excitement, and I . . . was . . . not . . . exciting.

:-(

Yeah, I played piano. Yeah, I collected comic books and talked about Dungeons & Dragons. Yeah, I was 7th Grade Class President (traitors!). Yeah, I did well in school. Yeah, I went to church. Your basic nerd.

And yes, I had VERY little experience dating girls. But how was I going to get experience if they all had their minds made up that after they were done dating every guy on earth, they would "settle" down with me? Without going back in time, here are some highlight quotes from girls I had feelings for in my life:

1984 - "David, I think we should just stay friends."

1988 - "I'm not interested. We can go out as friends."

1990 - "I don't like you like that. You're such a good friend to me."

1992 - "We'll see what happens. I just don't want to mess up our friendship. "

You see, I had a bizarre theory as a young man that if I was friends with a girl first, love might blossom. But to no avail, I never had a short or long-term romantic relationship with anyone. Always in the FriendZone, I began to realize the silver lining of my status:

- I was single - I could do whatever I wanted whenever I wanted without thinking of someone else.
- I had no STD's.
- I got to know how women think and feel in a way most men never get to.
- Maybe I was being saved for someone special?

Even though being in the FriendZone actually had its benefits, nevertheless one day

I QUIT!

I gave up on believing that I would ever be anything more than a friend to a girl. I was tired of getting my heart broken, and I'm such an emotional creature that I couldn't bear it anymore.

And then . . . Fadie.

I'll end this story simply by saying that just when I gave up on finding someone special or having a romantic relationship with someone who was also a friend, both happened without my trying.

And though I tried to increase her interest in me by cracking jokes, playing piano, or singing songs - none of it phased her. She looked beyond my reaching out and saw something within, prayed to God that I could be the one He made for her, and He answered her prayer.

That's right, Fadie - I love you. God made us fall in love. On March 3, 1994 I asked you to be my girlfriend - tempting all of fate one more time to have my heart broken.

18 years later, we're still here doing what we vowed to do - growing "older" together.

Liberating me from the FriendZone is the very least of what you've done for me. You are my best friend, and we're in love. It's the answer to my prayers too. Happy Us Day. I will forever be your David, but to the rest of the world, I will continue to be

- Funkyman

"More Than A Song" - one of the many dedications to my wife, Fadie Thomas Coleman from that sappy, nerdy man she blessed by saying "I Do".

FAIL REPORT

2012-01-24T11:26:00.002-05:00

Hello Funkstars,

I have been spending the last three years engrossed in online media - news websites, blogposts, independent YouTube channels - that span the range of liberal to conservative, atheist to fundamentalist religious, and the random stories that are covered in the news. The internet is amazing in this way - we have more access to more information than we ever have in the past AND the ability to communicate with absolute strangers as well as reconnect with old friends. Pretty amazing.

That being said, I see a lot of intelligent writing and a lot of beautiful stories out there. However, as you know I also see a LOT of FAIL. Here is my list of the biggest recent FAILS in the news.

FAIL #1: Schettino & the Costa Concordia
Death tolls reached 16 yesterday in the cruise ship now infamous around the world, captained by the name now SYNONOMOUS with FAILURE - Schettino. What does that feel like? I mean, everyone makes mistakes, right? Well, some mistakes are worse than others.

When you are the captain of a vessel that has 4,000 people onboard, you are held to a different standard - a higher standard. Are we being too hard on this man? Well, we'll find out when all of the facts are settled, but from this viewpoint, it's looking pretty bad. Failure, Schettino is thy name.

FAIL #2: Boston Bruin Tim Thomas & the White House Refusal
So it is tradition that the office of the President honor the winner of the Stanley Cup by inviting them to the White House and greeting them in person. Dear Tim, your statement about your reasons for not going to Washington are hypocritical. You said you oppose "out of control" growth of the federal government that threatened "the rights, liberties, and property of the people."

"This is being done at the Executive, Legislative, and Judicial level. This is in direct opposition to the Constitution and the Founding Fathers vision for the federal government," the statement said. "Because I believe this, today I exercised my right as a Free Citizen, and did not visit the White House. This was not about politics or party, as in my opinion both parties are responsible for the situation we are in as a country. This was about a choice I had to make as an INDIVIDUAL."

So . . . it's not about politics but you blame both parties? You mention rights, liberties, the Constitution and the Founding Fathers. That sounds pretty political to me. And what does the role of the government in our plight as a country have to do with being honored for your achievement by the office of the President? Tim, you're right that it shouldn't be about politics or party - it's about honor and team - two things you seemed to ignore. You say you had to make this choice as an INDIVIDUAL. But you didn't win the Stanley Cup as an individual. You are a team.

It's not about you.

FAIL #3: The Republican Party
I'm not trying to show bias toward any political party, believe me. However, the Democrats already have their candidate chosen and therefore, the Republicans have been center stage for half a year now. Quite simply, this is the most ridiculous cast of characters the world has seen from a party that clearly doesn't know what it wants. Front-runner Michele Bachmann, no front-runner Rick Perry, sorry no, Herman Cain is leading, wait Newt Gingrich, huh?, but Romney is the inevitable candidate, but wait Santorum wins Iowa, Newt's coming back and . . . I could write 10 blogs about Herman Cain alone and don't get me started on that Rick Perry "I'm a Christian" video. They all agree on one thing - "Anyone but Obama." However, they are so busy tearing each other down, that by the time their primary is decided, it's quite possible, there won't be much left to salvage. They need to get their act together and help give Americans something to think about and choose from, or the choice will be painfully simple.

FAIL #4: The South
It seems that my home state of Tennessee is the epi-center of the end of the world. I don't have time to go into the details of the decades of racial tension that has created the current circus that is Southern politics, but go and Google "Memphis School Consolidation" or "Teen Pregnancy Epidemic" or the recent attempt from the Tea Party to erase Slavery from the history of our Founding Fathers, or the Georgia teacher who assigned math homework with slavery questions, or the Texas social studies rewriting . . . etc. etc. etc.

But wait, hurry up and look up these stories on Google or Wikipedia while they're still running because . . .

FAIL #5: SOPA or PIPA
Simply put, all of the great news and stories I've been able to read would become subject to censorship and outright obliteration were these bills to be passed in Congress and Senate, respectively. As you've already seen, news and history is left to the mercy of a fallible human being. But if that human being's failure happens to be acting on prejudice, we end up failing history and therfore dooming ourselves to repeat it. Attempting to stop people from trying to share or "steal" materials is a no win for all of us. Want to stop online piracy with a bill? You may as well shut off the internet altogether. There's got to be a better way. Next thing you know, there will no longer be an Adventures of

- Funkyman

A Year in Hip-Hop

2012-01-11T20:36:00.008-05:00

Hello Funkatricians, long post ahead. If you want to learn more about Hip-Hop, keep reading. Otherwise, see you next week!

Happy Funk Year! Happy New Funk! Funky New Year!

You: That's a lot of funk.

Me: Indeed.

Because today's topic is NOT my adventures with my own concerts and music, but rather the concerts I attended in 2011. People often ask me,

"Funkyman, what kind of music do you LISTEN to?"

I've always despised that question, because I, like you, listen to many kinds of music. In fact, I wrote a 7-part series of blogs about this a few years ago entitled "A New Era" that spanned all of my musical tastes (December 2007 - April 2008). Click here for a sample.

Often, I'm the one on stage. I perform several styles of music in a year - gospel, musical theater, hip-hop, pop, classical, jazz, etc. Because I'm a musician, I know a lot of musicians as well. In 2011, most of the concerts I attended were because of friends, colleagues, or family I knew that were participating or performing. But then I suddenly realized that the only kind of concert I attended where I didn't know the artist personally is:

Hip-Hop

Does that mean that in my free time I favor one kind of music? Not really. Let me break it down (Get it? Hip-Hop? "Break it down?" Fine! Anyway . . .)

A) Though I did when I was younger, today I don't like paying ridiculous amounts of money to see a live event - Hip Hop or otherwise. This means I rarely go to large venues for commercial music artists. (Sorry Lil' Wayne. Actually, I'm not.)

B) Since I prefer smaller venues, one of things I try to avoid is mosh pits. In college, I went to a lot of clubs to hear bands and was disenchanted with the number of drunk teenagers slamming against me in an effort to start moshing. I know people still don't do it that much, but I was pretty done after that.

C) I have seen several rock acts in large venues and small clubs, but not a lot of Hip-Hop. I'm trying to catch up.

D) Honestly, the Hip-Hop culture of the mid 90's was a little dark and intense for me. I loved the music, but was not interested in seeing it live.

E) In the year 2000, after become weary of commercial rap, I began desperately searching for underground Hip-Hop artists, and I found them. I fell in love with music that most people either don't know about or don't care to because they do not fit the commercial format - especially groups that championed old-school rap.

When I wrote about Hip-Hop years ago, I covered a little about what's right and wrong about the genre. Click here if you missed it.

But, enough of my yakking. Here is a list of the concerts I saw this year right here in good old Boston, and links to video clips so you can get a taste.

LYRICS BORN
Lyrics Born is a Japanese-American rapper out of California and ever since I discovered his music back in 2003, I've been a loyal fan. Lucky for me, he came through Boston in February of 2011 and DESTROYED Brighton Music Hall. I got to meet him too, which was a plus. I also met two local opening acts - Dee Tension - a legend in the Boston music scene and a DJ at WFNX, and MC Kabir - a prolific hip-hop artist who like me, is a teacher by day. Here is a sample of Lyrics Born music, but there is WAY more than this, of course. This is a satire of the rap industry.

It was a great concert, though I was discouraged by the poor turnout from the crowd - only about a 100 or so. It had been a while since I had been to a concert, so I thought maybe that's just how crowds are with hip-hop. Oh, how wrong I was.

ATMOSPHERE
In April, I went to see Atmosphere at the House of Blues and it was jam-packed with people - over a 1,000. This picture is actually from that evening.

I'm in that crowd, believe it or not. I wrote a bit about the experience. Click here if you missed it.

The opening acts were Sab the Artist, Grieves & Budo, and Blueprint - all from Minnesota, and all very talented. Sab had the least effective set and recited a few songs about how much he loved to drink. Grieves & Budo were electrifying - Grieves is the rapper and had great command over the crowd and Budo is a multi-talented instrumentalist, acting as trumpet player, keyboard player, and DJ all in one. Very impressive. Blueprint had a very short but very powerful set, and he is a profound artist worth paying attention to. I've been a fan of his for almost 10 years, ever since I heard him guest on an Aesop Rock song. (Aesop Rock is in my top ten list of most impressive MC's ever.) Check out one of his videos here. If you watch ANY clip on this blog, watch this one. Profanity aside, this message is why I began to stop listening to the radio and start supporting independent artists.

But of course, the main event was Atmosphere, featuring the rapper who goes by the name of Slug. They are a legendary group (meaning they've been around for a LONG time) and they have created their own music label and fan following. They are the blueprint for how to do music correctly, without getting eaten up and sold out by the industry. They stand out in a unfortunate category known as "white rappers," of which Eminem is often considered the king. However, all rappers, regardless of color, have their own style and their own perspective. Slug is a king in his own right.

I first discovered Slug after becoming a huge fan of one of his collaborators, Eyedea. In 2000, I discovered Eyedea on HBO (when HBO used to feature unknown artists). Eyedea is quite simply the greatest freestyle rapper I've ever heard - meaning he creates his verses in real time with no rehearsal. In this picture of me with Slug, you will see his name on my shirt.

I only lament never being able to see Eyedea perform live because late in 2010, he passed away at the very young age of 28. If you want to see a little bit of what made him a genius, watch this - and remember, he's making this stuff up off the top of his head.

TALIB KWELI
Later in April, I saw another one of my favorite rappers, Talib Kweli and got to meet him as well. (He signed my Funkyman CD! Gush!)

Talib Kweli hit the scene in the late 90's with Mos Def in a project called BlackStar - an album which every hip-hop fan either has or wishes they did. They stood out as young East Coast (Brooklyn!) rappers with a strong consciousness message and absolutely fresh voices and abilities. Mos Def went on to make one of the greatest records of all time - Hip-Hop or otherwise, called Black on Both Sides. Talib was also quite prolific with his future projects, though never reached the iconic status that Mos did. However, his skills never faded. His latest album, Gutter Rainbows, is one of his best. Here is a clip:

The concert was at the Paradise, and a good friend turned out to be Talib's bass player (Brian!) Talib was on point in his control of the mic and he brought along Jean Grae - an amazing talent you should check out. She is one of the only female rappers that I respect for lyrical depth and ability. (Sorry, Nicky Minaj. Actually, I'm not). The opening act for Talib Kweli was a guy also from Brooklyn called Fred the Godson. He's up and coming but his set was unbalanced and felt out of place given the amount of profanity he spit out in a short amount of time. He did have a funny moment where they staged him having a heart-attack on stage because he's overweight, and then they broke into a song called "I'm Too Fat." It made me simultaneously smile and frown remembering the faded glory of the Fat Boys - great talent, but short lives due to their health. I pause to be grateful for my health.

Amen.

PEOPLE UNDER THE STAIRS
In June, I caught a group I didn't think I would get to see live. Another underground rap success story from California, the PUTS also played the Paradise. They are champions of old-school rap - nothing too serious, just good music to have a good time. If you're looking for that, give them a listen. Here's a clip:

Opening act was Los Wunder Twins Del Rap, featuring Dee Tension again. My favorite part of their set was a cover of "Beats to the Rhyme" - one of my favorite Run DMC songs.

MOS DEF
In December, as luck would have it, the other half of BlackStar came to Boston to play the Wilbur Theater. A rare treat for Hip-Hop fans - Mos Def in concert. Mos Def had such success with his first solo album, he became a cultural icon. He was featured in Hollywood movies, Broadway plays, HBO specials, etc. However, like many artists, creatively, he peaked too soon, and while no one can ever take away his genius and talent, nothing he's done since that first album has lived up to its impact. Therefore, most people that night were expecting him to roll out several songs from that well received project.

We were wrong.

Mos goes by the name Yasiin Bey now, and wants to put that era of his career behind him. He did do a couple of the older songs, but he left the audience scratching their head with a very long wait and a very short concert. Fortunately for this Hip-Hop fan, there were two stellar opening acts from Boston - a rapper called Moe Pope and a band called Bad Rabbits. Mos Def clips are easy to come by, but check out Bad Rabbits & Moe Pope together on this track:

THE ROOTS
The day after Christmas, the legendary Roots crew took the stage at the House of Blues and restored my faith in Hip-Hop, Music, America, and Mankind. There is simply no one like them and they have been around a long time - pioneers of this crazy idea called live music in Hip-Hop. I could dedicate a blog to them alone. How many rap groups have a sousaphone? A human scratch man? Have been featured on Yo Gabba Gabba? You may have seen the Roots on TV because they are also the studio band for Jimmy Fallon's show on NBC. However, here is a clip of them 17 YEARS AGO - they were killing it then, and they're even better now.

That's real Hip-Hop.

And that's the way it was for 2011. I hope if you stuck with this post this long, you find some time to kick back and listen to some of these artists. And if you become fans or even better get to meet any of them in the future, you can tell them you were introduced to their music by

- Funkyman

Freedom FROM Religion?

2011-12-19T16:52:00.003-05:00

PITMAN, N.J. (AP) A national group is asking officials in the southern New Jersey town of Pitman to take down a banner that says, "Keep Christ in Christmas."

The Freedom From Religion Foundation says the banner violates the Constitution because it was put up by members of the local fire department and hangs from two town-owned light posts over a county-owned road. Officials say a similar banner has hung over the town about a dozen miles south of Philadelphia for the past 50 years.

Co-president of the FFRF Annie Laurie Gaylor said, according to NJ.com, the banner offends "non-believers, Jews, Wiccans and Americans of any religion."

I'll pause here.

Hello Funketeers,

Today, I would like to direct my thoughts and attention to an organization known as the Freedom From Religion Foundation.

Dear madams and sirs,

I found this news story one morning while enjoying my breakfast and perusing online news stories. It is no surprise to me that every year there are battles being waged over the separation of church and state and how Christmas is a lightning rod for that debate. We have heard of the alleged "War on Christmas," where schools, businesses, and non-religious groups are increasingly intolerant of expressions of any celebration of the religious OR secular practices of Christmas. After reading this story, I visited your website to find out more info about what you believe. The bottom line of my message to you is:

Choose your battles.

There is a time and a place for protest. America was founded on protest. However, I am not here today to speak against protest or your American right to promote the value of the ideal of separation of church and state. I'm here to argue for the value of tolerance.

The dictionary definition of "Tolerance" is - a fair, objective, and permissive attitude toward those whose opinions, practices, race, religion, nationality, etc., differ from one's own. Yes, tolerance - not only on private property (where most people with your views believe should be the only place religious expression should exist), but in the public square as well.

I continually hear the argument that a prayer or invocation before a graduation is a governmental endorsement of a particular religion. However, I have seen several invocations given by rabbis, imams, buddhist monks, secular/humanist poets, as well as ministers and priests. I would dare argue that the existence of invocations is NOT an endorsement of the ideas or religion of the speaker - it's an endorsement for INVOCATIONS.

An invocation is the act or process of petitioning for help or support or a calling upon for authority or justification. When people gather for meetings of any kind, especially where decisions are being made or a rite of passage occurs, it makes sense that some groups would choose to open with this procedure. However, if they choose not to, that's their prerogative.

If you disagree with a group having an invocation, you have every right to protest. However, if that group feels strongly it should have one - whether they choose to acknowledge a higher power or simply RESPECT the faiths of those who believe in a higher power, that's where tolerance begins. It's not about you.

You see, this is not just a constitutional issue. We Americans have a problem with public displays of faith - especially Christian.

Simply say the words "Tim Tebow" and we already know that when someone expresses their faith in public, it rubs people the wrong way. Everyone is scratching their head trying to figure out why it bugs them so much.

Is it because Christianity is the majority religion in America, making it easier to impose on everyone else? Certainly.
Is it because Christianity is viewed as a superior doctrine, which makes people of other faiths and non-religious people feel intimidated and subordinate? Of course.
Is it because the Christian Church has an ugly history of oppression, violence, and corruption? Absolutely.
Is it because people identify Christians as always proselytizing - trying to convert everyone? You betcha.

Christianity actually is WAY more than the sum of these strikes, and it's enduring legacy is because of the true heart of the faith and what it means to mankind. But regardless of how we feel, Tim Tebow has both an American right to say he loves Jesus Christ and a golden opportunity to use national and world-wide media to express it. We might hate it, but he's not wrong. We have to tolerate it.

Enter Pitman, New Jersey.

A banner hangs on a street that says "Keep Christ in Christmas" and the FFRF has gone on record as saying this is offensive to "non-believers, Jews, Wiccans, and Americans of any religion."

Would you like to rethink your answer?

I mean, leave the Jews and Wiccans out because you already covered them in the following group. And after Americans of any religion and non-believers, who exactly is left? Therefore, you're basically saying this banner is offensive to EVERYONE? Really? A banner that has been hung in the same town for 50 years? I guess the owners of that banner are just like "Hey let's offend everyone again this year and hang it up anyway!" Is that what they're doing? Of course not.

If the idea of seeing the word "Christ or Christmas" during the holidays is offensive to you - whether in the public square or not, I would dare say this is not an issue of separation of church and state, but of tolerance. If one were being "fair, objective, and permissive" - one would understand that it's Christmas-time, and people celebrate Christmas. This is not a stretch. If for any reason you don't share in that celebration, certainly you should tolerate it. You protest because one side of the street it hangs on is not private property and that it's in clear view of anyone on the street? Come on guys. It's not a government endorsement of Christianity. It's a government recognition of the freedom of expression. Before you jump in and respond, here are a couple more thoughts, and I'll close.

About 25% of Americans are either non-Christian or non-religious altogether. I agree that just because the majority of Americans are Christians, we should not be allowed to dominate the nation's discourse with our faith. However, rather than spending your energies fighting something as harmless as this banner in New Jersey, think about this:

VEGANS
About 1% of Americans are vegetarian or vegan. Most vegans consider their choice to refrain from meat and dairy products as more than about health. It's a doctrine. However, they are bound by tolerance to live in a world surrounded by a meat and dairy-glorifying culture. They have to shop in stores and markets where there are butchers, eat in restaurants where people are ordering steaks medium rare, and have to consistently hear and watch advertisements, movies, television shows, books, etc. where people with the COMPLETE OPPOSITE DOCTRINE revel in their status of the majority group of carnivores. Certainly several of them are disgusted, offended, and made to feel uncomfortable by these displays of meat-eating. Is that fair? Nope. But they tolerate it.

Should we amend the Constitution and put in the Vegan Amendment?:

"Congress shall make no law concerning the establishment or promotion of animal consumption."

No? You know why that's not in the Constitution? You guessed it. But that's about how silly protesting this banner is.

POLITICS
Roughly 70% of Americans affiliate with a certain political party, each half (35%) having COMPLETELY OPPOSITE views on the world as another party. Yet, when the majority of that party holds seats in the government, the other side has no choice but to tolerate it, even though they may be protesting in the meantime.
What we do NOT do is say it's UNCONSTITUTIONAL for them to express their views or make laws based on them.

And as I said earlier, protest is important. Atheists should demand respect for their viewpoints. But just like us religious people have to be embarassed by the actions of members of our faiths, so should you. If you continue to fight against banners and nativity scenes simply because they are in clear sight of everyone, Christian or not, I believe you are doing a disservice to your organization, which stands on a very real and important ideal.

By the way, the concept of separation of church and state is NOT Freedom FROM Religion, no matter how you spin it. The First Amendment is for non-religious people too, but just as Buddhists must tolerate Christians and vice-versa, you have to tolerate us. I mean . . . we tolerate you. :-) There is no line in any official American document or letter from a prominent Founding Father that states Americans have the RIGHT to freedom from religion. The stance of "what about my right to NOT hear about anyone's God?" is not rational or logical. You are free to be atheist or non-religious, but to imagine you could live in a world free from public displays of faith . . . Where does it end? With this viewpoint, one could argue that simply having to SEE a church on the corner could be offensive to someone who doesn't practice that religion. Isn't that a little nuts? I thought you would agree.

So please continue your efforts in arenas where separation of church and state matter - at the federal, state, and local level with issues where real financial, social, and constitutional problems exist. Not because someone wrote you a letter saying they felt uncomfortable because they saw the word "Christ" and "Christmas" in the same sentence downtown while they were shopping.

Respectfully,

- Funkyman

P.S. - Merry Christmas!

Vows

2011-12-06T11:27:00.007-05:00

Hello Funkachusetts,

"I Take You To Be My Wedded"
On Thursday, December 1, 2011, my younger brother Anthony got married. A - MAZING

You: Funkyman, why is that so amazing? Is your brother a bad catch?

Funkyman: Not at all. He's a great guy.

You: Then what gives?

Funkyman: Well, I'm glad you asked.

"To Have and To Hold, From This Day Forward"
It's amazing because the woman he married has been with him for 15 years, perfectly happy, and the entire world had given up on the idea of them getting married because it wasn't important to them. In our minds and in every practical definition of the word, they were married. You see, in the end, their happiness was all that ever mattered to our family. Of course we are rejoicing for them that they took this step, but in truth, we all would have died happy if they never did - as long as it was what they wanted. Their marriage - correction, their relationship - was never about us.

And this event reminded me that no one's marriage is about me, except my own. I have strayed away from the topic of gay marriage on this blog for a very long time, but it's on my heart and the wait is over. So buckle up.

"For Better or For Worse"
The institution of marriage is sacred to me. This is largely due to the fact that my parents divorced when I was a teenager, and though I knew it was what was best for everyone, I vowed never to let that happen to me - divorce that is. Of course, the best solution to never getting a divorce is never getting married. Then I met my wife . . .

It was difficult for me to think about spending the rest of my life with my best friend with the fear of a possible divorce hanging over our heads. At least it was difficult until I had the revelation:

I am not my father. Fadie is not my mother. Our relationship is not their relationship. Our paths our different. Our marriage will be different - for better or for worse. In truth, I cannot guarantee what will happen tomorrow. However, I can choose (if I'm blessed to wake up this morning) to devote myself to my God and my wife so that I will honor them both.

"For Richer, For Poorer"
A lot of the controversy surrounding gay marriage is centered on the definition of marriage. There are those that believe adding monogamous homosexual relationships into the patchwork of marriage will injure the very idea of marriage itself. The common point made by advocates of gay marriage is 'what does two people of the same sex getting married have ANYTHING to do with your marriage?' I myself had come to define marriage as a holy institution - a relationship between two people that involves a third party - God. I still view my marriage that way. Not everyone shares that opinion/view - and guess what my response is? Who cares what you think? It's my marriage. What does my marriage have ANYTHING to do with your marriage? If the point works both ways, it's a good point.

I will not go into the obvious points of how we heterosexuals have already done an excellent job of injuring the idea of marriage. But regardless of how you feel personally about hetero or homosexual relationships, someone out there right now is falling in love with another person, and it's beyond our control. And control seems to be so desperately what society is trying to hold onto.

I've known people who view marriage as an arrangement. It makes a lot of financial sense to be married if you live with someone. However, those same people are in love-less, life-less relationships and have opted for comfort and stability versus intimacy. I also know people who wait to get married until "we get on our feet financially" - waiting until that right job, right house, right portfolio is set up. Well, to each his/her own, but that's not why I got married. Once I realized that I wanted to die trying to make my relationship flourish with my girlfriend, I couldn't WAIT to be married - money or not. My life was not going to begin until that day arrived.

"In Sickness and In Health"
After divorce, sometimes people consider getting re-married because of fear. Fear that they won't have someone to take care of them when they get sick and/or grow old. I know personally those who got married for this reason alone. I think that's unfortunate, but is that a crime? Not in America.

In America, as long as you're a man and she's a woman, you have the right to get married for whatever purpose you see fit. Because the government has concluded that they cannot judge an individual couple's motives for getting married, just so long as they register and follow the rules.

Now remember, this goes completely against my earlier definition of what I think marriage is. Shouldn't I be protesting the government for allowing this "travesty" to occur? Should I be running for office so I can change the laws and instill my "correct" definition of marriage?

No? You're right. Because if MY definition of marriage were truly instituted - a relationship between two people devoted and committed to a God-centric union - MOST people - hetero or homosexual - would NOT be allowed to marry! Most HETEROSEXUAL couples would have to register as civil unions and I would reserve the title of "married" for the select few who fit the "holy" requirements. How do ya like 'dem apples?

. . . but, no, that's not what I'm going to do, because I cannot judge anyone else's motives for marriage or with who and how they fall in love.

"To Love and To Cherish"
My brother's wife is now legally a member of our family. But my brother's wife was ALREADY a member of my family many years ago the moment they decided to commit themselves to each other and love one another. I cannot express to you the joy in my heart the day he told me he had found someone special in his life. I cannot express it because I already knew how big a deal that was to me when I fell in love with my wife. It's not LIKE winning the lottery. It's better. And if you've been blessed enough to meet someone like that in your life, then I'm happy for you too.

You: Funkyman, aren't you a Christian?

Yes, and by Christian standards, my brother and his wife were "living in sin" for almost 15 years. In fact, I expected his phone call last week to be about how they finally were expecting a child. And if they were pregnant and had a child out of wed-lock, do you know what I would call that child? My family. The status of their sex life does not define their relationship to me.

My Christian brothers and sisters quote the Bible passages relating to sexual behavior - which is the only way homosexuality is referenced in the Bible. We get so caught up in thinking of relationships and marriage as sexual. But sex does not define your relationship or your marriage. When you truly fall in love and reveal your heart and trust with someone - that's not sex. When you hug someone and hold them and tell them "It's going to be OK" - that's not sex. When you nurse your best friend back to health, see them through the hard times, go to events together, laugh, live, love, play and celebrate life together - that's not sex. That's love. And whether Christians are ready to accept it or not, homosexual relationships - especially ones that seek marriage as a life-choice - are founded on love, not sex.

I've found that in my life, and my family and friends are happy for me. When my friends and family find that, I'm happy for them. And even if you haven't found that special person in your life yet, it is my prayer for you to be happy and to be well. My personal relationship with God has nothing to do with how you will experience pain and loss in your life. I won't let it get in the way of your pursuit of happiness either. Whether or not you believe what I believe, I am praying for you. :-)

So I ask you, my friend . . . Are you happy? Are you well?

That's all that I care about. That's all that matters.

"'Til Death Do Us Part."

Hopefully, we'll be together after that too. Amen.

- Funkyman

Mouse Double Clique

2011-11-29T11:21:00.003-05:00

'Twas the night before Christmas,
And all through the house,
Not a creature was stirring,
Not even a mouse.

Which then begs the question
So often I quote,
"Why in God's name is there a rodent
In this poem of note?"

You see I have little fears
Of things in this life,
But a creature running through my den
Completely scares my wife

And to be completely honest,
With this fear I agree.
If I see a mouse in my house,
It is World. War. Three.

- Funky-Kringle

Hello Funkalores,

That's right. It's holiday time, and mice are on my mind. I have been hearing stories recently from friends who have had not one or two, but actual invasions of rodents in their homes, and the stories are not all pretty. Let's lay some ground rules:

- Yes, I understand that mice are living creatures, created by God for us to have dominion over and to protect.
- Yes, I understand that mice can be more scared of us than we are of them.
- Yes, I understand that the methods of disposing of mice can be cruel and unusual.

OK? OK.

Now, that we have that out of the way I want everyone to know that I do not have a problem with mice.

I HAVE A PROBLEM WITH MICE IN MY HOUSE!!!!!

You know how when you're walking outside and you see an ant hill and hundreds of ants going back and forth carrying food and building materials? You're like "Wow - look at nature! So cool!" Nobody bothers them, you watch in amazement, and then you go about your day.

Let's say that same procession of ants is in your bathroom . . . on the way there from the living room . . . . somehow from beneath your couch . . . where you discover after moving it . . . there is an old Wheat Thin on the floor that has attracted the horde of insects into your living space. It's not so cool then is it? That's when nature stops and RAID-APALOOZA 2011 begins.

You: "Well Funkyman, ants are supposed to live outside. Mice are domestic creatures that enjoy the comforts of shelter and warmth."

Funkyman: "Oh, OK. I think there's a house down the street they would love."

You: "That house probably already has mice. Your house . . ."

Funkyman: "Not my house."

You: "But you're being silly, you just need . . . "

Funkyman: "Not my house."

You: "No let me finish. What I'm trying to say . . . "

Funkyman: "Do you hear me? NO MI CASA!!!!!"

You: " . . . you're crazy."

Funkyman: "CRAZY LIKE A FOX!!!"

I know it's holiday time, and we watch these cute little movies with families dwelling in harmony with the little mouse hole in the wall, and then we go inside the hole and see the mouse family, and oooh they're so cute. Hey they're people too and they have feelings and

STOPPPPP!!!!!

REALITY CHECK! Check the FACTS!

- Mice are nocturnal
- As soon as they think you're not around, they don't stay in the walls - they run around your ENTIRE HOUSE - your beds, your clothes, your desk, your kitchen appliances, your pantry, etc.
- They can live for a long time on almost nothing
- THERE'S NEVER JUST ONE
- Some mice are NOT afraid, and want dominion over YOUR space
- Mickey Mouse is NOT REAL - sorry Aimée.

I know that everyone has a mouse horror story. Here are some of mine for your reading (dis)pleasure.

FLUFF
OK, this one isn't mine. A friend told me once of a jar of marshmallow Fluff she used to keep in her desk drawer. One day, she opened the drawer, unscrewed the jar of Fluff, and was face to face with a dead mouse staring up at her - eyes wide open - in shock. It seems the mouse got into the desk drawer, gnawed its way into the bottom of the plastic jar, and began to eat the fluff, crawling insde and getting trapped in the sticky goodness. My friend never ate Fluff again. How about you?

ZOMBIE MOUSE
My very first experience with mice in my living space was when I lived in a studio apartment in Jamaica Plain. Surrounding the perimeter of the room was the heating system - a perfect covering for any creature who wanted to run around the apartment unseen by occupied eyes. I had several mice running around the room, into the room, in the trash - one day a mouse leapt out of my trash when it heard I was approaching the kitchen - it had to stop.

Since I was inexperienced as to how to deal with them, I went and bought the traditional mouse trap - cheap, wooden, and grotesquely efficient - or so I thought . . .

I set the traps around the room under the heating vent, and one day I came home to find one of the traps had been flipped over. Now here comes the hard part - getting on my knees and picking up this trap with a dead mouse. As I bent down and reached for the trap, suddenly

THE TRAP JUMPED AWAY FROM ME. THE MOUSE WAS NOT DEAD - still fighting for its life. This completely freaked me out, and I have not enjoyed using those kind of traps since. Poor fella.

DOUBLE-CLICK YOUR MOUSE
One night, I was doing some work in the basement of a church, sitting in the office at a computer. A mouse ran across the top of my computer. Insert scream here.

SURPRISE SHOWER
One night, my wife prepared to step into the shower, but before she turned on the water, she noticed small black droppings in the tub. Yes, it was mouse droppings. As she ran to tell me, I built up my courage to go investigate. Sure enough, there they were, and I thought to myself, "How did the mouse get in an out of the bathtub?"

No sooner did I think that then, I pulled back the shower curtain to discover, the mouse had NOT left the tub. It was trapped. Somehow, it scaled the shower curtain and fell into the tub, and now it couldn't get back out again.

You're probably wondering what I did. I contemplated back and forth about the benefits of seizing the upper hand and getting rid of him once and for all versus being humane and helping him get out. Of course, helping him meant catching him first, because there was NO WAY I was going to let him free into my house to scamper away just to bother me again. The mouse was leaping and scurrying like crazy trying to get out. My wife was crying, my daughter was terrified. What should I do? Hmmm . . . .

I will not terrorize you with the details, but to paraphrase the movie Die Hard, let's just say that mouse will not be bothering us for the rest of his life. Honestly, it took me weeks to get over it, and I still have bad thoughts of that night.

Am I a monster? Perhaps. I think mice ARE cute - in a cage, where I can be assured they'll stay. I'd even go so far to pet one if it were truly domesticated. But just like cats and dogs - you wouldn't let a wild cat live in your house (see The Hangover - LOL!), nor would you let a wild dog around your children. Why should I tolerate a wild mouse? Why can't they all be cute and cuddly like Mickey?

So peace, hope, love, and joy to you this holiday season. I'm praying for a mouse-free home for each and every one of you. And if you or anyone you know has an issue with mice - please seek professional advice, and do NOT call

- Funkyman

Power Links

2011-11-19T15:39:00.004-05:00

Hello Funkticulans,

Last night was the Fall concert for the Third Day Gospel Choir at Tufts University. The concert was themed "The Power of the Third Day." And powerful it was. So since you were all there, I don't need to . . . what? What's that you say? You were NOT there? Oh, I see. No problem. Here is what you missed - with links to the original versions of the songs!

"Worship Him" - Based on an old gathering song for the church - "We have come into this house, gathered in His name to worship Him" - I had the choir enter the audtorium singing this anthem in the traditional style and then we broke into the funkier version, arranged by yours funkly. Great power, great singing and great vibe. Great way to kickoff the concert. No links for this one - working on it.

"We Lift Up Your Name" - A Fred Hammond song off of the album "Praise in the House" that was heavily covered when it came out in the late nineties. A high-energy, infectious song. If you've never heard it before, click here.

"There's a Lifting of the Hands" - An Israel Houghton song off of the album "New Season" in 2001. Not the most popular song from the album, but a perfect song for choirs - which are hard to find these days. If you've never heard it, click here.

"Stir Up the Gift" - A Colorado Mass Choir Song from 1998. Another high energy (you see a pattern here yet?) fun song to sing that I have often used to get the audience involved. The audience at the concert did a fabulous job. Big shout out to all of the Third Day alums in the front row! With them singing with us, we had a good 500 people singing at once. Good times. If you've never heard . . . oh you know what to do.

"Well Done" - A Funkyman original led by Shaunielle McDonald - our guest soloist. What can I say? She brought the house down. Well done! Get it? OK, call the obvious joke police. I'm guilty.

"Praise Him" - Another Funkyman original that is the one of the most performed songs I've ever written. I composed it in 1998 with the idea that I wanted a sure-fire way of getting an audience involved in the a song/concert. It has a LOT of words and takes a while to learn, but it works like a charm. So proud of the choir nailing it last night. Well Done! Praise Him! Ha ha ha. "Officer? . . . yes C-O-L-E-M-A-N. No I did not realize how fast my bad jokes were going. I'll slow down."

"I Speak Life" - A Donald Lawrence song led by Elyse Galloway. Another powerful message song from the album by the same name. Elyse did a great job and the choir delivered the message well. Remember - speaking life doesn't cause it to happen. It encourages the listener to live. Speaking encouragement is the one of the most effective ways to make a difference. For anyone who's never heard this powerful song, click here.

"I Am the Resurrection" - The world premiere of Funkyman's latest song went splendidly. A rock-infused anthem that spoke to the theme of our concert very well. Even though we had a false start, we resurrected the opening of the song well. "OK, officer, that was not a joke as much as a pun-styled reference. There is a HUGE difference. What? What do you mean 'come with you downtown'? I've done nothing wrong. Get your hands off of me. Hey! I'm an American citi . . . I have rights! Occupy Funk! WE ARE THE 0.00099%!!!!!"

"You Are" - Originally performed by Darlene Zschech and Ron Kenoly, Kristen Ford put her own touch on a song widely regarded as Contemporary Christian and not Gospel. I spiced up the chords and arranged the choir differently and voila - a gospel song. Very nice job, everyone.

"I'll Never Stop Praising the Lord" - Originally written by O'landa Draper (from my hometown of Memphis!) and led by Shirley Caesar, Shaunielle McDonald returned to the stage and took us home with this one. High energy song that works every time. If you ever wanted to see a man and a choir who inspired me to be a gospel choir director, click here. You will not be sorry.

And that was the Fall Concert at Tufts for 2011. Also, big shout out to Amy Bean and the other students who performed sign language for our concert! I always leave someone out of the thanks at the end, and nobody caught it. So sorry. I love what you do!

I have done a Fall Concert with a college choir 17 times now. It is a great way of finding encouragement and inspiration in a dark time of the year. All across the country, other universities and schools are participating or preparing for their own Fall gospel celebrations. You don't have to look too hard here in Boston - MIT, Boston College, Boston University, Northeastern, Berklee, Harvard - all have student gospel ensembles ready to celebrate victory through song. Check them out! It's not too late.

Now, could someone please come downtown and bail out

- Funkyman

Trick or Treat?

2011-10-31T03:08:00.006-04:00

Hello Funk-or-Treaters,

It's Halloween today. I realized a couple of weeks ago that I have never written about this holiday, and probably for good reason. I try (somewhat unsuccessfully) to avoid topics that are too serious. However, since I will be spending my day thinking about it anyway . . .

I know that most of the world is content to just enjoy the fun parts of any holiday and say the origins and meaning of the holiday are completely secondary. I want you all to know that I agree with that sentiment - however, there are contradictions lying within that ideal.

Submitted for Your Approval . . .

Question: Would you celebrate a holiday whose roots were glorifying the genocide of a people - say, the Holocaust? No, me neither.

However, controversial as it is, we Americans do celebrate Columbus Day and the 4th of July, and before you go crazy, I understand the significance of the "civilization" of America, but many people believe that there was a perfectly fine civilization here before Europeans touched the shore. Some people have a problem with Thanksgiving for the same reasons. And while July 4 marks independence from England, it also marks the establishment of institutionalized slavery - which includes buying and selling Africans, rape, and yes, murder. This is why many people choose not to celebrate these American Historical milestones.

Me? - I'm enjoying my day off on Columbus, eating and spending time with family at Thanksgiving, and getting a kick out of fireworks on the 4th. Am I insensitive or better yet, desensitized to the above raised issues? Perhaps. However, it is my theory that just because you participate in an activity - you do NOT necessarily glorify or honor the history of how it was practiced in the past by other people. That is how I feel about Halloween and Christmas.

Walk with me for a moment, Christians:

Just because people go to church does NOT mean they are glorifying God. Just because people celebrate Christmas does NOT mean they are honoring the birth of Jesus. And just because people sing Christmas carols, does NOT mean they find favor with God.

If that's true, then why do we vilify Halloween as the ONE, SINGULAR holiday we refuse to take part because we believe that dressing up a child as a duck, a farmer, a cat, a spaceman, or even a witch, a demon, or a monster is GLORIFYING EVIL? That getting candy on October 31 is IDOL WORSHIP? Yes, I know of families that will not let their kids even go to SCHOOL on Halloween just so they will not be a part of the school-wide Halloween Assembly. The reason? Devil worship.

Pause.

You see, we love to do research SOMETIMES and look up the meaning of holidays, and we discover that Halloween is rooted in a Pagan Celtic ritual (Samhain) that promoted the belief in evil spirits and false gods. We tend to ignore the parts where the Christian church created its own holiday (All Saints Day) in an attempt to distract attention from the pagan one, and in the end only POPULARIZED and PROMOTED the very holiday it sought to destroy. Yes, we have the (American) church largely to thank for the popularity of Halloween. The history of the sacred vs. secular monstrosity know as Christmas is almost identical. Click here for more on that.

I do find it interesting that the same Christians that I know that are against this holiday are also AVID fans of horror movies. Yes, horror movies - the most gory, vile, demonic, disgusting stories and images imaginable. If Halloween is evil, then certainly these movies are as well. And what about the mafia? Yes, the same Christians that think Halloween is glorifying the devil are HUGE fans of shows like the Sopranos and movies like the Godfather and Scarface (OK, not a mafia movie, but you get my point!) And don't get me started on videogames . . .

But I digress. This is not about the hypocrisies found in people. God knows, I'm far from perfect. All I'm saying is, if you're going to make the leap of logic and think that I, a believer, am cursed for participating in any part of secular Halloween, then a non-believer MUST be blessed by participating in any part of secular Christmas. Sorry, that's just not part of our faith, nor does it make much sense.

- Dressing a baby as a ladybug.

- Giving Gummi-Savers to the neighborhood kids.

- Singing songs at school like "Things That Go Bump in the Night"

- Picking out a pumpkin, and decorating it.

These activities are fun and quite innocent, and done with the spirit of love and centered on family and community ACTUALLY go to honor and promote God, not the opposite. Hurting someone, wishing hurt on someone, saying mean things, thinking you're better than someone - these things are the enemy. You see, like the Church TRIED to do, I'm GOING to take the darkness out of Halloween for my daughter, and participate with sound judgment and care.

Now that I've said all of that, I want you to know that I HATE Halloween. Where I grew up, Halloween is a dark time of year - people use it as an excuse to vandalize property, hurt people, and try to ACTUALLY practice Satanic rituals. There is a dark side to this holiday that I have a difficult time forgetting. It certainly is not all good, and I had no intentions of making it a part of our annual traditions.

However, one day, my daughter, 4 years old at the time, came and told me of the school-wide Halloween assembly, and that she wanted to go dressed as a princess. I melted as anyone would seeing the excitement on her face.

She didn't want to do something evil - she wanted to play dress-up with her friends. Why wouldn't you let your kids do that? Because it's the 31st of October and that's dishonoring God?

I bought her a princess dress and tiara, and on the day of the assembly, all of the students marched into the gym in a parade. My daughter entered holding hands with two of her friends.

I. Have. Never. Seen. My. Daughter. Happier. Than. That. Moment.

She was glowing. I still have it on video, and I watch it often when I want a good cry! After the parade, the kids sang songs together like "Pick a Pumpkin" and "I'm a Little Goblin" (instead of "Teapot"). It quite simply is my favorite memory of my daughter.

As long as my daughter understands light from dark, I can sleep at night. The funny thing is that she scares very easily. She can't watch most movies, even Toy Story, because of the antagonist characters. Last year she went Trick-or-Treating and got scared out of her mind, but she's glad she had the experience. This year, she is way more excited to just stay home and be the one passing out the candy. She's got her cat outfit ready to go for today's Assembly. She's got a BUCKET full of Jolly Rancher Lollipops, Twizzlers, and Gummies to pass out this evening to the young and young-at-heart.

And she's got me, standing by her protecting and guiding her in all she does.

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I submit that we should NOT get caught up in the game of not participating in something because of the way SOME people choose to celebrate. I certainly celebrate Christmas my own way, and I cannot worry about the next man and whether or not they understand the TRUE meaning of the holiday - especially when there is no singular true meaning. Make the decisions on your own, weigh the good and the bad, and be true to what you believe.

Let's teach our children right from wrong, and as long as you're actively parenting them - let. them. be. kids. Childhood only lasts a few years. They've got a long life of battling to do when you won't be around so much.

OCCUPY YOUR CHILDREN

- Funkyman

P.S. - Here is a clip of the beginning of the Adventures of Funkyman LIVE! event back in April. Enjoy! More videos coming!

For the Parents

2011-10-26T01:05:00.005-04:00

Hello Funkistas,

This past weekend was Parents' Weekend at Dana Hall School, and this coming weekend will be Parents' Weekend at Tufts University. This Friday night, I will attend the 2nd Grade Parents' Dinner at my daughter's school, and last but not least . . . I need to call my mother.

Yes it's parent time in this part of the world: a time where parents want to see if all of this money they're spending (or receiving) is worth it. I have to say that I enjoy preparing for these weekends. The parents deserve it and nothing makes kids happier than seeing their parents be proud of them.

My daughter continually seeks my approval, which is very sweet because it means she needs me. The trick is, I need her approval too. I won't know what to do with myself if we lose that relationship.

I certainly have always looked for approval from my parents. So here is a quick list of the moments in my life when I THINK I made my parents proud.

BIRTH
Stop laughing. Seriously, my father was not able to see my older brother be born in the delivery room. 2 years later, he got the chance with me, and he told me that experience changed him and made him pursue his faith in a more meaningful way.

1ST GRADE
I skipped Kindergarten, because I was reading at an advanced level (3rd Grade). The truth is I was not taught to read. I was reading billboards in the car at age 3. Yes, I AM KYLE XY!!! No seriously, I have a hard time believing the stories myself.

HOMECOMING KING
In 6th Grade, (pictured above) I became Homecoming King of my school, grades K-8 because I raised the most money for the school (see - politics and money! Occupy Grade School!!!). My mother baked oatmeal cookies for me every day, and I sold them after school. I think I raised $800. That's a LOT of cookies in 1981.

TANGLEWOOD
I was admitted to the Boston University Tanglewood Institute in 1986 before my junior year of high school. My parents drove up from Memphis for the final piano recital, and I played Ginastera's Danzas Argentina (Wilkie!). The look on my parents' face was like saying "The lessons were worth it." I can't thank you enough Mom and Dad for how true that is.

FADIE
Meeting my wife and letting my parents know I had a partner for life - 'nough said.

BOSTON UNIVERSITY INNER STRENGTH GOSPEL CHOIR
The choir I directed the longest - 10 years. My father ritually flew up to Boston to be able to sit in the audience and relive that Tanglewood memory over and over again. He spent the money on the airfare and took the time so he could bask in the pride while I was just doing my job.

TUFTS UNIVERSITY
When I got my Master's Degree, my mother was the only one who attended my graduation - my wife was so sick that day. :( It was anti-climatic for me to walk in the ceremony, and I told my mother it was no big deal, but she wanted to go. Spending that time with her made me get into the experience. It was nice to have her there smiling for me.

AIMÉE
The greatest thing God has ever done through me.

Yeah, there's more I suppose, but you get the idea. I know you all have your lists of moments you received your parents' approval. Believe me that no matter what you think - your parents want your approval too. Simple late night wisdom from

- Funkyman

Here is a video of a Glee-style mash-up I arranged for Dana Hall's Parents' Weekend in 2009. Enjoy!

Fast Food Tales

2011-10-18T10:55:00.004-04:00

Hello Funkoisseurs,

Last week I recounted horrible tales at Friendly's. It got me thinking about all of the crazy experiences I've had in restaurants in my short 40 years of life - especially at fast food restaurants, where I know all of you have stories to tell as well. No binding theme to these stories, but some of them are worth sharing.

MCDONALD'S
Though I do not eat there anymore (trying to maintain this 130 lb. weight loss!), I, like millions of Americans, was raised with this being part of my eating life. I have seen a lot of funny things in McDonald's, but the best was one night when my friend Eddie and I were going through the drive-thru and ordered a burger and fries. When we got to the window, the woman handed us a bag with like 12 hamburgers, a 20-pack of Chicken nuggets and like 12 fries - hot and fresh. Eddie took the food and drove away.

As I'm sitting in the passenger seat COMPLETELY bewildered as to how that happened. Eddie broke the silence and said, "That girl likes me."

Funkyman: "Likes you? I dare say that's quite a gesture for liking someone."

Eddie: "Don't hate."

Funkyman: "I'm not hating. Look, she could get fired for doing that. What if she got caught? What if they run out of food for other customers because we just pulled away with the mega-family McFeast? Are we planning on eating all of this food? I mean, what a waste really! There are people starving and dying for food all over, and here we are with a sack full of hot and salty, delicious McDonald's fries."

Eddie: "Do you want some fries, David?"

Funkyman: " . . . yes."

BURGER KING
No long story here. I just want it to go on record that THE BURGER KING GUY IS SCARY!!!!! I have had nightmares with that huge bearded head with the crown. Enough said.

CHURCH'S CHICKEN
You've heard of KFC and maybe even Popeye's, but in Memphis where I grew up, Church's Chicken was a big deal. Yes, in the south we had KFC, Popeye's, Bojangles (SO GOOD), Krystal, Jack Pirtle's, Captain D's, Long John Silver's - come to think of it - A LOT of fried chicken places (I'm not saying ALL black people love fried chicken, but stereotypes are rooted in selective data) but I digress. What makes Church's stick out in my mind was the unfortunate fate of a criminal.

Yes, a criminal decided to rob a local Church's Chicken. He broke into the store through the air duct, and waited in the vents of the place until everyone had left. While trying to get out of the vents, he slipped and fell into one of the vats of oil that they use to fry the chicken - still boiling hot from that day's batch, and he fried himself from the waist down. They found him the next morning - though he was able to pull himself from the oil, he didn't survive.

For years, there was a joke in Memphis about Church's Chicken. "Yes, I'd like a 2-piece, a biscuit, and a side of toes."

Crime doesn't pay. Fail.

ROY ROGERS
Speaking of black people and fried chicken . . .
There is a fast food place on the East Coast called Roy Rogers, named after the late, great singing cowboy. They sell burgers and fries, but they speciailize in fried chicken.

While visiting a location in Washington, D.C. once, I was minding my business - eating my lunch. A man walked into the store and was just looking around. He went to the counter to order, but didn't order. He then took a step back and shouted to the entire establishment, "You're all niggers! Just a bunch of niggers!"

We're going to pause here for a brief service announcement.

PSA: If you are a white male or female, surrounded by nothing but young, strong, and possibly stressed-out-working-at-a-fast-food-joint African-Americans AND young, strong, just-waiting-for-some-justice African-American patrons, you probably should NOT scream at them and call them the n-word. Just saying. We now return you to your previously scheduled Adventure of Funkyman.

The restaurant froze. No one knew what to do. I honestly thought this man was crazy, because who would do such a thing? However, crazy or not, I feared for his safety. I was also surprised there was nothing but silence. I broke the silence.

"There are no niggers in here."

The man looked at me and left the building. That was the day I learned to speak out.

Yes, CRAZY stuff happens in this world. It's crazy that I haven't had a piece of fried chicken since July of 2007, ever since I began this lifestyle change. However, every once in a while, I do get the craving for some good, old-fashioned cajun, spicy, buttermilk fried toes. 20-piece with BBQ and Sweet & Sour.

- Funkyman

Open Letter to Occupy Movement

2011-10-16T23:01:00.001-04:00

This video is for anyone participating in the Occupy Movement across the world and for those who need further perspective. There is no one leader, no singular message, no singular solution. However, even though there can never be Utopia as long as imperfect humans are involved, we can certainly do better to address how we settle for the inhumanity surrounding modern economics. Just keep it positive! The world is under water and you are making bubbles. Whatever bubbles, bubbles up!

- Funkyman

Not So Friendly

2011-10-09T23:20:00.005-04:00

Hello Funkizens,

Long-time family restaurant chain, Friendly's, announces that it's filing for bankruptcy. You know Friendly's . . . home of:

- The subtly inappropriately-titled "Happy Ending" Sundae
- The diabetes/hyperactivity inducing Reese's Peanut Butter Sundae (so good!)
- Bacon Cheeseburgers with butter-topped grilled bread with tons of fries (love it!)
- (and my all-time favorite) THE FRIBBLE!

I used to go to Friendly's JUST to get a chocolate Fribble - probably the best shake I ever had. Unfortunately my memory of the Fribble is tainted by my very last visit to a Friendly's restaurant. As a matter of fact, over the years, I had so much HORRIBLE service at various locations of this chain, that the name "Friendly's" became the ultimate irony. Here are the tales of my worst restaurant experiences, which happen to all take place at Friendly's.

FRIBBLE, PLEASE?
As I stated earlier, I was a big fan of chocolate milkshakes - and who isn't? They're huge and they taste awesome. What's wrong with that? Well I'll tell you.

My last visit to a Friendly's was years ago, when I was in between gigs and stopped in for some lunch. Friendly's can be busy during the lunch hour - understandable. I placed my order - Grilled Chicken Sandwich, Diet Coke, and . . . you guessed it. Not complicated, right?

Waiter comes back with some water.

"Thanks!"

Waiter comes back again with my soda.

"Thanks! Could I also have the Fribble now?" It was my wish to have the shake first. He said no problem.

Waiter comes for the 3rd time with the Chicken Sandwich.

"Thanks! Still waiting for that Fribble, when you get a chance." He said no problem.

Waiter comes back to refill my soda.

"Thanks!"

Now at this point, any normal person would get upset or begin to wonder if something was wrong. I'm assuming that he forgot the Fribble, and by the time my meal ended, it was just too late. Next thing I know, he slaps the bill on the table and . . .

HE CHARGED ME FOR THE FRIBBLE!!!!!! WHAT???!!!!!! DUDE, COME ON!!!!!

I had been so patient, and honestly I was finally upset. I asked the waiter about the charge, and he said "Oh, right, sorry." That was the first, last, and only time I failed to leave a tip for a waiter. Doesn't matter anyway - I paid for the Fribble. Never been back since.

I LIKE MY CHICKEN RARE
Now you're saying, "Funkyman, that was an honest mistake. He was overwhelmed and they have a difficult job." True, but remember, that was my last horrible experience - certainly not the only reason I stopped going.

Some people like their steaks well done. Some like them medium (me), and some even take it rare (ew!). But how about chicken? I think it's safe to say most people like (actually need) their chicken to be cooked all the way through. This is not difficult and doesn't take much time. Right?

I ordered a Grilled Chicken Sandwich from Friendly's once, and the sandwich hit the table looking DELICIOUS! However, as I cut the sandwich in half (That's how I like it - thank goodness), I quickly learned that the seared, grilled chicken breast was only so on the surface. The inside, was 100% uncooked. Raw. Translucent pink.

OK, you say. It happens. Right? So we send the sandwich back, and you would think they would either throw that chicken back on the grill and let it finish cooking OR provide us with a new one. But no, that's too easy.

THEY SENT THE SAME UNCOOKED CHICKEN BACK TO US. Did they think we wouldn't notice? Did they think we were just whining? Did they even care? Needless to say, we sent it back this time and did not pay for that item.

THE LAST SHALL BE FIRST
Of course, I saved the best for last. My wife and I used to frequent restaurants 4 to 5 times a week. We ate out a lot, and we had seen a lot of things, great and not-so-great. There is nothing that we championed more than good waiters/waitresses. When they help you feel important, they make the experience so much greater. I'm a huge tipper (sorry Fribble man!). Of course, this is Friendly's, and we never expect awesome service - we just want to get in and get out alive.

One night, we walked into a Friendly's and saw only two people sitting at a table eating. In fact, there was only one waitress and one cook. You would think we would be seated immediately. However, the waitress continued to serve the seated couple, and we stood patiently waiting to be seated. Another couple came in behind us. The four of us waited paitently. A third couple came in, and then there were six.

Finally, (5 minutes later - I counted) the waitress came to seat us and give us our menus. She then seated the 2nd new couple. She then seated the 3rd new couple. We then observed as the waitress began to take the order of the 3rd couple first. She then took the order of the 2nd couple. She then, . . . walked right by us.

Now, my sensitivity meter was starting to rise, and my wife and I looked at each other as if to say, "Did that just happen?" The waitress seemed to be running around taking care of the orders of the other 3 seated couples, and finally, my wife called her over.

"Is it the policy of this restaurant to serve the last customers first and the first customers last?"

The waitress looked at my wife . . . TOSSED AWAY THE MENU SHE WAS HOLDING LIKE A FRISBEE! ACROSS THE DINING ROOM . . . put her hands on her hips and said, "FINE! What do you want?"

We're going to pause here for a brief service announcement.

PSA: If you cherish your life, do NOT get an attitude with a black woman who is ALREADY upset. We now return you to your regularly scheduled Adventure of Funkyman.

Yes, I've never seen anything like it before. I really need you to imagine someone throwing an entire menu across a room where people are eating and copping an attitude like "how dare you not see how much I don't want to be here today." This is where my wife made her famous statement:

"You do not exist anymore. I need the manager."

The waitress calmed down a little and tried to say something extra.

"I am not talking to you. You do not exist."

My wife was MAD. The waitress left. The cook/manager came over and apologized for the bad service, took our order, and then the waitress came back again and gave an apology that was clearly forced, and my wife never even looked her way. Heck I was scared too. In fact, she then turned to me . . .

Funkywife: "And you . . . why didn't you say something?"

Funkyman: "Me? Hey I'm on your team! Besides you were handling it fine. It didn't seem like you needed help."

Funkywife: "That's not the point. You could have said something too."

Funkyman: "Wait, it sounds like you're blaming me for believing in you to handle the situation."

Funkywife: "You don't exist anymore."

And with that, I'll end this adventure, since as my wife made very clear all those years ago, I am a figment of your imagination. OK, the story is true though maybe she didn't say I don't exist. Just kidding. Love you, Fadie! :-)

I still want my Fribble, though.

- Funkyman

Makeover

2011-10-07T09:43:00.002-04:00

Hey Funktions,

TAOF website has a new look. Let me know if you hate it. And shoot me a comment or an e-mail if there's a topic you would like me to cover. If not, I have plenty - don't worry. One day of life is filled with more things than there are to talk about. Until next time, stay . . .

- Funky, man

Proud

2011-10-04T10:05:00.002-04:00

Hello Funktrolites,

They say that every family has "that" uncle or "that" brother that is the black sheep of the family. The wayward one who got a little off the path in life and needs extra sympathy and forgiveness from the rest of us.

You: Funkyman, do you have a brother or an uncle like that?

Funkyman: No, I'm proud to say that I only have one uncle and he's amazing. My brothers are cool too. Guess our family doesn't apply. WINNING!

You: Well they also say that if you can't identify who "that" person is in your family, it's you.

Funkyman: HEY!!! . . . well maybe it is me, but I digress.

Today, I'm going to be able to help celebrate my uncle, Robert Freeman, whose painting Black Tie (pictured above) has just become part of the permanent collection at the Museum of Fine Arts in Boston. Yes, like Ron Burgundy, that's kind of a big deal.

To me, my uncle has always been a big deal.

- He's my only uncle - but even if he weren't, I wouldn't be able to compare him to anyone else.
- He loves people, and people love him.
- His spirit is infectious and inspiring.
- His art is transformative and moving.
- He has been a role model for me as a teacher and an artist.

And there have been other parallels in our lives as well. My uncle went to BU. I went to BU. My uncle lived in Weston and taught at an independent school for 25 years (Nobles & Grenough). I live in Wellesley and have taught at independent schools for 15 years. He worked as a Lecturer at Harvard University. I am a Lecturer at Tufts Unviersity. He has a wife (Aunt Bettye! Woo hoo!) and three daughters (Eva, Nina, and Leah). I have a wife and one daughter. He's had a successful career as an artist, has traveled the world, and now has a painting in the MFA. I . . . play piano sometimes . . . and I like Pictionary. Whatever, don't judge me.

But the greatest gift he has given me is love. As I type this entry, I am overcome with gratitude for how I've been allowed to experience love and family in my life. My uncle is beloved by his family, his friends, and by countless students that have had the benefit to be in one of his classes. In a life where I'm constantly trying to figure out what I want to be, I've often looked to his to see how he succeeded.

No, like the rest of us, he's not a perfect man. However, what he's done right . . . is so right.

Congratulations, Uncle Robbie!

- Funkynephew

P.S. - Hope you all like the new look of TAOF!!! I'm still working on it. Also, don't forget to go to iTunes and download "It's Time" - new song by Funkyman and Maddie Naylor - Dana Hall Class of 2012! Here's the link. Check it out!

Phrase Fail

2011-09-27T10:04:00.003-04:00

In the English language, like any other, there are some words that have several meanings, and some phrases that can be interpreted different ways. However, what amuses me are the phrases that mean the exact opposite of what we intend. I call them PHRASE FAILS. Let me give you some examples.

EXCUSE ME?
"Excuse me" is supposed to be a request to be pardoned, but the way it bugs me is when people use it to respond to something offensive being said. Yes, I understand that people use "Excuse Me?" to ask for forgiveness because they couldn't have possibly heard the offensive comment just stated. "I'm sorry, I must have heard you incorrectly." However, people use that phrase over and over again even after it has clearly been confirmed that indeed, yes, an offensive comment was made.

Offensive Person: "You're fat."

FAIL Response: "Excuuuse me?"

OP: "I said you're fat, and you're ugly."

FR: "EXCUUUUSEEEE MEEEEE??"

OP: "Listen to me, not only are you fat and ugly, but I don't like you."

FR: "EXXCCCCUUUUUUSSEEE MEEEEEEE??????"

You get my point.

I DON'T MEAN ANY DISRESPECT, BUT . . .
Or, the ever popular variation - "I don't mean to be rude, but . . . " Whenever someone starts a sentence with this phrase, you are guaranteed to hear something not only disrespectful, but something a person KNOWS is disrespectful but figures that phrase will lighten the blow. My next PHRASE FAIL will highlight that . . .

I'M NOT RACIST, BUT . . .
When I was in high school, I had my first job working in engineering services at a hospital. I was assigned random jobs, but I shared an office space with two building/structure engineers. They were nice guys, and we got along well. One day they got so comfortable that there was a slip of the tongue discussing someone who led the labor union. "I can't stand that nigger." I didn't have to say anything as he fumbled on. "Oh, sorry David. I don't mean any disrespect. I'm not racist, but that guy is a nigger."

Hey a two-for-one PHRASE FAIL! BACK TO BACK!!!

The people who brought us this PHRASE FAIL also brought us, "I'm not homophobic, but . . .", "I'm not sexist, but . . .", and "I'm all for freedom of religion, but . . ." You are guaranteed that in most cases, whatever follows those phrases will represent the very thing they claim not to be.

IT IS WHAT IT IS
I'll pause for a moment while I prepare to comment.

OK, ready.

WHAT DOES THIS PHRASE MEAN?????!!!!!! Black is black. Good is good. Up is up. Left is left. Earth is Earth. It is what it is? I hear this phrase used so much as a way to END conversations, but it never EXPLAINS anything. If you have light to shed on this, please feel free to comment. I myself don't understand, but hey, it is what it is. Doh!

IT'S ALL GOOD
Who invented this phrase? What in this world is ALL GOOD? And don't say God, because He's not an "It" so they're not referring to Him. People use this phrase usually to describe situations that are NOT all good.

"Yeah, I did some stupid stuff, hung out with the wrong crowd, ended up getting arrested a few times, got incarcerated and serving a 7-year term for Grand Larceny and I can't see my kids without court supervision - but IT'S ALL GOOD!"

Huh? Look, I understand the human need to rationalize and to be positive about your outlook on life. But the only way to turn from a negative situation is to acknowledge it for being a negative situation. That does not make it good. It means moving forward despite something negative happening to you, which is good. Make sure you are referring to your current state of mind, NOT the events of your past. The saying is "All things are WORKING for your good . . ." not "All things are good."

And with that, study hall is over, and thus so is this rant. Click and enjoy my tribute below to a man who used words very well, and inspired little David Coleman to grow up one day to become . . .

- Funkyman

What is "Black"?

2011-09-13T11:18:00.003-04:00

Hello Funkians,

I know that the issue of race is something that I touch on at least a few times a year, but that's because there is so little CONVERSATION about it. There is a lot of commenting made about it - Funkyman included. However, the cool thing about a blog is that you can leave comments and have a dialogue or the writing can spark an actual conversation with a live person. Therefore, submitted for your approval . . .

What is Black?

Last night, Miss Universe 2011 was crowned, and as you can see in the picture, this woman is not someone anyone would consider to be Caucasian. She is what we would today consider to be a "person of color" which is the politically correct way of saying "not Caucasian." She is from the country of Angola, speaks Portuguese, and may have never even visited America. While I noted to myself that someone won the competition that doesn't fall into the usual stereotype, I am surprised to read the online discussion surrounding her "race." Here are the three things I read that disturb me.

1. Some stories report the victory and highlight that Miss Universe crowns a black woman
2. Some haters think she won just because she was black
3. Some people are responding vehemently - "She's not black!"

This is where I pause. I will try not to scream.

OK, I'm ready.

To the reporters:

So the Black Miss Universe? This woman won because she WON. While it may be important to some (me included) to mark certain occasions as milestones in racial equality (Vanessa Williams won Miss America 27 years ago - let's keep it moving), WHY CAN'T SHE JUST BE THE BEST CONTESTANT? This does not have to be a part of the newstory. Anyone with eyes can see who won. If you make her race a part of the story, you help push the conversation along for the haters who play a race-game and say "she won because she was black" or "affirmative action at work". I know the intention of the reports is "She won! And she's black! Yay!" But in a way, you diminish her victory by unintentionally implying that race had anything to do with it.

To the haters:

So you think she won BECAUSE she's black? First of all, after hundreds of years of slavery, oppression, and an ongoing war against prejudice, black people are not HANDED any victory. They fight for it. Sure, there are people who voted for Obama out of guilt and sympathy for the history of racism in this country, but to boldly state that he won the whole election because of this is too ludicrous to blog about. When Denzel Washington and Halle Berry won Academy Awards, people accused the voters of affirmative action. If that's not the biggest disgrace in the history of life.

HEY WORLD - DO ME A FAVOR - when I win an award - any award - please let me enjoy it and feel proud of my achievement and the recognition from my colleagues and peers. How dare you tarnish my moment with remarks about people feeling sorry for me because of my race. ENOUGH ALREADY!!!! This woman won Miss Universe and not 1 hour later, here come the haters.

To the ethnicity police:

So, she's not "black"? Clearly these commenters are referring to the idea that being considered "BLACK" is based not on what you look like but rather where you come from or what culture you celebrate. While we should not judge anyone based on what they look like, I believe it is safe to say that this woman could be considered as having Native African heritage somewhere in her lineage - which by the way is the definition of someone being considered "black."

People of Native African descent have darker skin than most. We are spread out in every country, and speak every language. We are in the Carribean, in South America, in Latin America, in Europe, and in other parts of Asia. And yes, we're in America - though that's where people seem to make the distinction about being "black." It seems there is an urban definition of "black" as being synonomous with "African-American" - a widely used though controversial label.

I've heard friends say "I'm not black, I'm Jamaican."

Um . . . that's all great, but if you lived in America in the early 19th century, you would be in chains and called "Toby."

"I'm not black, I'm Cape Verdian."

Right . . . but if you tried to get a drink of water in 1930, you would do so from the "Coloreds Only" water fountain.

"I'm not black, I'm Nigerian."

That's awesome, but when the police raid Mission Hill looking for men that match a "certain" description (Charles Stuart) - you'll be picked up along with your "black" neighbors.

And THAT to me, is what defines "black people" - people of Native African descent who were mistreated even beyond slavery because of the color of their skin, not because they were from a certain region of the world. Of course I'm raising a larger issue that no one - including dark-skinned people of every kind - wants to be lumped in with us "African-Americans." We just can't catch a break! But that's for another day.

For today, Congratulations to you Leila Lopes of Angola - Miss Universe 2011. If someone tries to add or remove anything from this based on race, simply reply how I did when people trying to figure out my ethnicity used to ask me - "Hey David - what ARE you?"

I'm a person. Treat me like one.

- Funkyman

The First Day

2011-09-06T13:09:00.005-04:00

Hello Funklanders,

If you are not a teacher, you've been working all summer. If you are a teacher, you've already been back to work for a couple of weeks. However, this is a special week because children of all ages are experiencing the events that will inform the rest of their lives - the first day of school.

Now, if you're like me, you remember the first day of school like it was yesterday. I can go further and remember not only my first day of school, but every first day of every new school I went to - 1st grade, high school, college, and my first day of teaching. Why is that?

Is it the fear? Is it the crying? Is it the excitement? Is it the crying? Is it the recognition of a milestone? Is it the crying?

Yes, ladies and gentlemen - tears. I have cried on the first day of every new school experience and you're going to have to deal with it. I surely did. Why are you laughing? Wow. OK, maybe you wouldn't laugh if you knew the whole story. So here I am to illustrate to you my circumstances so that you can gain a better knowledge of who I am and YOURSELVES because I KNOW some of you cry too. It's not just me. Right?

1st Grade
My first "school" experience was 1st Grade because before that was Montessori School and that's all a blur. I skipped Kindergarten because I was already reading at an advanced level. YEAH THAT'S RIGHT. Who's laughing now? Anyway, I was 5 years old and I remember vividly getting out of the car and my father driving away. And there I was . . .

Stranded.

In a vast wasteland.

Of sky blue shirts and navy blue pants from Sears.

Yes, we all wore uniforms in Catholic school, and we did NOT have a playground. We had a parking lot, which is where kids gathered before school, playing various games like four-square (LOVED that game) and jump rope. However, I didn't know ONE person at that school and as I wandered around the parking lot, the tears began to form. Not because I felt alone. But because I suddenly realized that I did not have the courage to speak to anyone I didn't know. What a paralyzing moment. I was in a new place with no friends, and I was too scared to do anything about it. And then I heard it.

"Hi, I'm Ray. What's your name?"

That was the beginning of my first "best friend" relationship in life - Ray Jackson. I never got to tell him "Thank you" for saving me that day.

9th Grade
I was at that 1st school for 8 years. That's a long time in the life of a 13-year old. More than half of my life was spent in the same halls with the same faces. I had been blessed enough to be Homecoming King (I raised the most money by selling mom's oatmeal cookies. Thanks Mom!), and I was my 7th Grade Class President. I won my school Spelling Bee (more on that in a future post), and I was asked to be the speaker for my 8th Grade Classs graduation.

But that was over. The day had come. New school. New place. You know no one. Again.

This school had a uniform too - coat and tie. AND did I mention it was an all-boys' Catholic school?

Insert tears here.

No seriously, I chose this school because of the rigorous academic program and because I wanted to be somewhere completely different than my last school. I got that. Any tears I shed that 1st day were tears of joy.

13th Grade - College
I chose to attend Boston University - a long way from my home in Memphis, TN. Long story short - my mother packed up the car with all of my luggage, we drove from Memphis to Boston, she stayed over one night in a hotel, and after moving me into my dorm, hopped back in the car and drove back to Memphis. I cried because it was the first time I felt like an adult, and I knew that wasn't my mom driving off into the distance . . . it was my childhood.

1st Day as a Teacher
This one hit me by surprise. I didn't think I would have a career as a teacher, but through my work at the Boston Conservatory as director of Project S.E.A.R.C.H., I had a responsibility to visit schools and assess their music programs. It was through my interaction with high school students and learning about the state of schools with little or no arts that I got the bug to teach. Next thing I knew, I got a phone call about a position opening at an independent school in Newton.

I did the interview - got the job.

I prepared for classes and bought some new clothes.

I headed out of my apartment on my 1st day and . . . cried. Like a baby.

I actually cried harder that day than the other times combined. The fear suddenly hit me that not only would I be new in a new place, but there was now the added responsibility of having to capture the attention and imagination of hundreds of children - either making a lasting impression as an inspiration, a bore, or a FAIL in their hearts and minds forever. Obviously I was putting WAY too much pressure on myself. It all turned out well, and now I've been a full-time teacher for more than 15 years.

Yes, tears are natural and healing. Yes, real men cry. And no, it was not the last time.

There was another time I cried on the 1st day of school - the day I dropped my daughter off at her 1st school and had to say goodbye. It's actually making me start to cry right now.

Every parent feels that lump in her/his throat when they see their child growing up. We survive our own career of attending school and now . . .

. . . we have to watch it all happen again. So far as I know though, my daughter hasn't shed a tear. Obviously she gets that from her mother.

Have a great year in 2nd grade, Aimée. Papa loves you! (Sniff, sniff)

- Funkyman

Earth Shaking

2011-08-28T12:51:00.005-04:00

Hello Funkstonians,

Today's topic - natural disasters. No I'm not writing about Conan the Barbarian, because that was an unnatural disaster . . . and I want my life back. But I digress.

I live in New England, and one of the most frequent questions I've fielded from family and friends is "Why do you live in Boston?" Here is my first and fastest response:

You: Why do you choose to live in Boston?

Funkyman: NO EARTHQUAKES!

As a matter of fact, I've been quoted saying that here in Boston, the only natural disasters we have to be concerned with are blizzards. But as you and I well know . . .

I need a new response.

In the last 3 months, my family has been treated to a real tornado warning, an earthquake, and as I sit here writing this, a hurricane. Now, I know that the tornado didn't touch down in Boston, but Springfield, MA - not so far away - will not forget the damage caused by theirs. No, I didn't feel the earthquake myself, but plenty of my colleagues and friends did. And though our "hurricane" will be remembered as Hurricane "Irony" (calm down everyone), it was enough of a scare to shut down public transportation, businesses, and most churches - giving me the opportunity to write and share with all of you.

All of this "fear" prompted me to do some research (Wikipedia.com – don’t judge me) into natural disasters and the worst losses the world has seen. What occurrence in nature has terrorized mankind the most? Don't think I don't KNOW you've wondered the same thing too. I've done the work for you. So here is Funkyman's list of disasters from bad to worst in terms of loss of human life.

14. Limnic Eruptions - I know, I know - what's a limnic eruption? Well, it's when a lake “overturns” and erupts carbon dioxide into the atmosphere suffocating everything in the vicinity. While this is horrible, it is rare, and has mainly affected a couple of lakes in Cameroon - a country in Africa. About 1,800 people have died due to this disaster.

13. Blizzards - Not high on the list of casualties, snow and ice comes in at 13. The worst blizzard on record was in Iran in 1972, where we lost about 4,000 people.

12. Tornadoes – Unpredictable and fast, tornadoes usually occur in low populated areas. However, in 1989, Bangladesh experienced one that took 1,300. Over the last hundred years, about 6,000 people have lost their lives to these twisters.

11. Wildfires – Man-made fires aside, wildfires or bushfires can happen naturally, the worst being in Wisconsin in 1871 where 2,500 people perished.

10. Storms – Because of the tell-tale signs, storms have been fairly predictable for a long time, and mankind has learned to take cover before they hit. However, storms can cause destruction and the rain from storms can cause mudslides. The worst mudslide in history was in 1999 in Venezuela where over 15,000 people were overtaken.

9. Avalanches – Of the 55,000 people who have lost their lives to landslides, most were in Peru in the 1960’s.

8. Heat Waves – Over 100,000 people have died due to excessive heat conditions – the worst being in 2010 in Russia – a deathtoll of 56,000.

7. Volcanic Eruptions – More heat. Of the 245,000 lost in this horrible manner, the worst volcano eruption was in 1815 in Indonesia – 92,000 lost.

6. Tsunamis – Over half a million have lost their lives due to gigantic tidal waves, often caused by earthquakes beneath the sea. The worst tsunami happened recently in 2004 in the Indian Ocean – taking over 230,000 of our people.

5. Cyclones – Yes, hurricanes are a kind of cyclone, and they make number 5 on the list due to their frequency, variety, and appearances in highly populated areas. Over 2,000,000 people have died at the hands of these ocean-based terrors, and the worst was in 1970 in Pakistan, when 500,000 were taken.

4. Earthquakes – As we continue into the realm of the earth-shaking on the mainland, with over 5,000,000 casualties, we find that the worst earthquake casualties have been in China. As a matter of fact, China is clearly the country that has experienced the most human devastation at the hands of Mother Nature. The two worst earthquakes on record occurred in China, and in the top ten worst, China has 6 spots. The worst was in 1556, where they lost 830,000 in one quake.

3. Floods – Floods are tricky because mankind can play a role in these disasters. Poorly constructed dams, levees (Katrina), or barriers are the cause ofthese horrors, but nonetheless, water proves to be a destroyer. And China knows better than anyone. Of the 7,250,000 that have perished at the hands of floods, more than 6,500,000 have been in China in just the last hundred years alone. Hey, look at this list so far. Remember the age old metaphorical battle between fire and water? Opposite forces of nature battling it out? Which one is worse?

Water wins.

2. Famine – If we were to stop the list at natural disasters that happen due to violent, physical changes in nature – earthquakes would win. If we were to stop the list at natural disasters that man plays a role in, floods would win. However, there are still some things that happen in nature that are worse.

Like food.

In our history, famine has cancelled the lives of over 175,000,000 people. That’s real. Support the efforts of healthy farming and care for the earth. Obviously, we need a few basic things in nature to live: food, water, air. And if those things are tainted, we get . . .

1. Diseases – I was floored to learn the statistics on the amount of death surrounding disease. Small Pox alone took 300,000,000 lives between the years of 1900 and 1980. Altogether, the top ten major diseases have taken 1,000,000,000 (yes a billion) lives. And that ladies and gentlemen is an advertisement for health, safety, wellness, and medicine.

Here in the 21st century, in America, in the Northeast, I still feel relatively safe from violent natural disasters. However, I am constantly reminded of their significance. The late George Carlin often referenced natural disasters as the world correcting and healing itself and we humans are "just another failed biological mutation. The planet’ll shake us off like a bad case of fleas. A surface nuisance."

Sarcastic. Yes. Pessimistic. Yes.

A ring of truth?

Carpe diem.

- Funkyman